The Non-Expert

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. A weekly column written by a member of the TMN staff.

Today We Learn About Canada

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. In this week’s installment, JONATHAN BELL uncovers why Americans can so easily sniff out Canadians in their midst. (The Non-Expert | May 30, 2008)

Ladies First

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ERIC FEEZELL solves the origins of “Mrs.,” and presents a new nomenclature to fill the gender gap, once and for all. (The Non-Expert | May 16, 2008)

Easy-Fake Oven

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. In this week’s installment, JESSICA FRANCIS KANE breaks down all that pre-heating nonsense, with a heating guide for 21st-century cookery. (The Non-Expert | April 25, 2008)

Identity Crisis

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL (or someone claiming to be him) details many popular methods for stealing identities. (The Non-Expert | April 11, 2008)

Begging the Question

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL explains the phrase nobody understands in terms we can all understand. For the most part. (The Non-Expert | February 8, 2008)

The Party Racket

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, JESSICA FRANCIS KANE solves another parenting mystery: Exactly how many of your child’s classmates must you invite to the birthday party? (The Non-Expert | February 2, 2008)

The Coast Is Sheer

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, JONATHAN BELL explains how to build a roller coaster in terms a young engineering student may not expect. (The Non-Expert | January 25, 2008)

The Vote Not Shaken

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, LAUREN FREY helps a reader choose between political candidates by applying modern poetry to the process. (The Non-Expert | January 18, 2008)

You Say You Want a Resolution

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL conjures a New Year’s vow for a quitter who needs something new to quit. (The Non-Expert | January 11, 2008)

Life After Masturbation

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL advises a mother who’s walked in on her son during a private moment. (The Non-Expert | December 7, 2007)

Strictly Business

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL instructs a future MBA in the art of networking. That sound? The last gasp of your ethics. (The Non-Expert | November 9, 2007)

How to Say I Love You

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, PAUL FORD pulls out all the stops to help a reader say “I love you,” in precisely 100 different ways. (The Non-Expert | November 2, 2007)

Phantom Menace

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, LAUREN FREY rushes to the aid of a distressed reader who believes her house is haunted. (The Non-Expert | October 26, 2007)

Unfortunate

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL helps a reader assess the accuracy of the fortune cookie he just opened. (The Non-Expert | October 12, 2007)

Forgive the Drummer Some

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, KEVIN GUILFOILE solves the greatest mystery known to rock-and-rollers of every generation: how to find a decent drummer. (The Non-Expert | September 28, 2007)

Happily Heifer After

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL points out the differences between non-organic and organic cows—in words only an organic cow would comprehend. (The Non-Expert | September 14, 2007)

One-Hit Wonders

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, MATTHEW BALDWIN helps a reader who wants to know: What’s a superhero worth these days, anyway? (The Non-Expert | September 7, 2007)

How the Internet Changed the World

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, LAUREN FREY assists a mother with her daughter’s homework: imagining a world where emails required stamps. (The Non-Expert | August 30, 2007)

Age of Consent

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, SARAH HEPOLA instructs a starry-eyed reader in the ways of bagging young Hollywood tail. (The Non-Expert | August 24, 2007)

Hooking It Up

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, California’s own ERIC FEEZELL applies cold logic to a hot topic: how can pre-adolescent hockey players become sexually active? (The Non-Expert | August 17, 2007)

Adverb Your Enthusiasm

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, JESSICA FRANCIS KANE helps a reader determine if her one true love is letting adverbs get in the way of romance. (The Non-Expert | August 3, 2007)

Cat Heathens

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL helps a reader decide whether she should send her antisocial, over-meowing feline to the big litter box in the sky. (The Non-Expert | July 20, 2007)

Midnight in the Garden of Wood and Evil

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, JESSICA FRANCIS KANE addresses a reader’s concern about her plant’s feelings with stories about menacing shrubs. (The Non-Expert | July 6, 2007)

That Boy

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL helps a family travel safely to Chicago, and urges them to protect their daughter from the boyfriend from hell. (The Non-Expert | June 29, 2007)

American Capitalism

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL helps a poor man figure out how to make the system work—by any means necessary. (The Non-Expert | June 1, 2007)

Jock Party

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIK BRYAN fashions a taxonomy of American athletes to help a reader get in touch with his jock-dom. (The Non-Expert | May 18, 2007)

Gleesome Threesome

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL helps a confused young woman make the best of a beast with three backs. (The Non-Expert | May 11, 2007)

11 Ways to Ace or Simply Enjoy Exams

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ROSECRANS BALDWIN addresses America’s cramming students with a Non-Expert’s dozen of study tips. (The Non-Expert | April 27, 2007)

Delphiniums, Delphiniums, Delphiniums!

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, JESSICA FRANCIS KANE celebrates National Gardening Month with some horticultural advice garnered from a Tri-Delt newsletter. (The Non-Expert | April 20, 2007)

Model Behavior

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, CLAY RISEN shares some tips for a young reader who wants to take her strut for a walk down the runway. (The Non-Expert | April 13, 2007)

Second Lust

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ERIC FEEZELL offers moral guidance to a reader who just realized their Second Life avatar bears a striking resemblance to their best friend’s wife. (The Non-Expert | April 6, 2007)

Tightie Whities

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN helps a college student celebrate St. Patrick’s Day by embracing less-clichèd stereotypes of white guys. (The Non-Expert | March 16, 2007)

Better Baby Names Bureau

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week CLAIRE MICCIO helps a pair of harried parents figure out the best baby name for maximized optimum results. (The Non-Expert | March 9, 2007)

Two in the Hand

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week THE EDITORS reveal the top contenders and the winner of the Non-Expert’s Contest for Total Idioms, with a way for you to save the world. (The Non-Expert | March 2, 2007)

Fate of the Art

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week DAVID LEITE helps a young man, struggling with maturity, accept the garbage that’s otherwise known as most of contemporary art. (The Non-Expert | February 23, 2007)

The Mommy Wars

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week JESSICA FRANCIS KANE helps a frustrated mother cope: how to deal with—nevermind survive—those overly nice mothers at play dates. (The Non-Expert | February 8, 2007)

The Non-Expert’s Contest for Total Idioms

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN gets sick of our colloquial phrases and thus a contest is born: Invent a bon mot for everlasting fame. (Contest | February 2, 2007)

Lawyering

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week PAUL FORD addresses a question thousands of young men and women grapple with each year: to law school or not to law school. (The Non-Expert | January 26, 2007)

Red, White, and You

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week TODD LEVIN comes up with a handy guide—tips, lists, and charts—to choosing wines and playing the connoisseur. (The Non-Expert | January 19, 2007)

Gym Nasty

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN explains how you can leave the weight room behind—it’s time to take your workout to the streets. (The Non-Expert | January 12, 2007)

Is Your Darfur Fake?

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN helps a reader decipher this month’s Vogue, and offers ideas to Anna Wintour for January’s cover. (The Non-Expert | December 1, 2006)

Name That Congress

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK tells us how George W. Bush will nickname every one of his new, non-Republican buddies in Congress. (The Non-Expert | November 10, 2006)

At-Home Halloween Costumes

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week THE EDITORS help a young woman work through a desperate situation: What to wear this year on Halloween? (The Non-Expert | October 20, 2006)

Highly Effective Habits of Revenge

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN helps a reader with strategies to get a co-worker fired. (The Non-Expert | October 6, 2006)

What About Blackberry?

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week THE EDITORS test whether therapy is conductable over portable email devices. (The Non-Expert | September 1, 2006)

Detectives and Dire Baldness

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN digs into the mailbag and finds tales of philandering and absent follicles. (The Non-Expert | August 11, 2006)

The Maine Attraction

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN helps a reader unravel his vacation anxieties with a guide to going rural. (The Non-Expert | July 21, 2006)

Truth in Advertising

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK shows a reader concerned about television’s wasteland how advertisers could create more socially aware campaigns. (The Non-Expert | July 14, 2006)

Joe’s Lament

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN attempts to help a non-believer in the heartland by rewriting the Book of Job. (The Non-Expert | June 23, 2006)

Rachael Ray’s Secret Travel Tips

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK helps a reader combine travel and eating—with knowledge cribbed from the Food Network star. (The Non-Expert | June 16, 2006)

Revised Merit Badges

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN supplies a former Girl Scout with some new badges designed for today’s perplexing world. (The Non-Expert | June 9, 2006)

Am I a Hypochondriac?

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK introduces a paranoid reader to his personal physician, Dr. Google, who has induced paranoia in more patients than anyone. (The Non-Expert | June 2, 2006)

Fantasy Islands

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN taps his vast travel knowledge to help a bride-to-be select the best Caribbean island for her honeymoon. (The Non-Expert | May 19, 2006)

Back Off, Man, I’m a Scientist

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK helps a forlorn scientist understand why his friend and co-worker chose to quit her job and leave the state. (The Non-Expert | May 12, 2006)

The Adventure of the Stuttering John

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week a Romeo’s troubles are too difficult for ROSECRANS BALDWIN’s small brain, but luckily some famous detectives agree to take on the case. (The Non-Expert | May 5, 2006)

Piping Hot

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK shows a tenant how to beat the heat that’s still pouring out of the radiator. (The Non-Expert | April 7, 2006)

Wedding Toasts & Tips on Revenge

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN overturns the mailbag and tries to help several readers with pressing concerns. (The Non-Expert | March 31, 2006)

Way to Go

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK has your answer for the next time somebody asks you how, when your number is finally up, you want to go. (The Non-Expert | February 3, 2006)

Weak in Review

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN helps a reader who’s already having a hard time sticking to his New Year’s resolution. (The Non-Expert | January 6, 2006)

Auld Lang Syne

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything—though some problems are so big, so perennial, that even the Non-Expert can’t tackle them alone. Edited by Intern BETH MILTON, six writers offer ways to avoid being kissless on New Year’s Eve. (The Non-Expert | December 23, 2005)

What Your Christmas Tree Says About You

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN addresses the great American class divider: Are your tree lights white or colored, or even (gasp) blinking? (The Non-Expert | December 9, 2005)

Is He Cute or Is He British?

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week SARAH HEPOLA helps a forlorn reader determine if her new guy actually looks as good as he talks. (The Non-Expert | November 18, 2005)

Take Your Seat, Please

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week PASHA MALLA answers a question that has plagued us all since the day after we invented plumbing. (The Non-Expert | November 11, 2005)

How to Apologize to Your Girlfriend

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN helps a young man who skipped his anniversary learn how to say he’s sorry. (The Non-Expert | November 4, 2005)

Troubleshooting Your Déjà Vu

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK explains how you can tell if what you’re experiencing is déjà vu or not, and how best to proceed when it is. (The Non-Expert | October 14, 2005)

Helpful Guides for Book Clubs

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week a young woman wants to encourage her book club to read the classics, and ROSECRANS BALDWIN offers some topics to spark discussion. (The Non-Expert | October 7, 2005)

How to Defuse an Atomic Bomb

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week a reader wants to know whether to clip the red wire or the blue, and ANDREW WOMACK is happy to report the answer is ready and waiting. So take one step further, veiled reader, before the clock stops ticking. (The Non-Expert | September 30, 2005)

Does She Love You?

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week a reader wants to know how you can tell if a girl loves you. Happily enough, PASHA MALLA knows the tests to conduct, and has the results right here. (The Non-Expert | September 23, 2005)

How to Fall Asleep

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week a reader has a hard time falling asleep on Sunday nights, and what do you know—ROSECRANS BALDWIN does too! Tips on how to nod off, or, how to stay awake and lower your self-esteem. (The Non-Expert | September 16, 2005)

Clear and Present Danger

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK helps a reader preparing for a trip to New York get over anxieties about terrorism, including tips on how to keep his Labor Day jihad-free. (The Non-Expert | August 26, 2005)

Crocking the Party

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week our resident food maven, DAVID LEITE, helps a reader overcome his party paranoia with tips and tricks for getting his courses out on time. (The Non-Expert | August 19, 2005)

You Can’t Handle the Truth

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week: A hysterical reader can’t continue with her life until she knows the truth, and ROSECRANS BALDWIN tries to help by putting Tom Cruise in the White House, and Katie Holmes at Oberlin. (The Non-Expert | August 5, 2005)

Fabled Again

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week: An overstuffed mailbag means a lot of questions are begging to be answered, and ANDREW WOMACK knows the only way to satisfy those hungry for knowledge—goats. (The Non-Expert | July 29, 2005)

Culinary Pet Peeves

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week: A reader’s struggle with most recipes’ underestimated preparation times sets off ROSECRANS BALDWIN’s kitchen-related rage, including death threats against Ruth Reichl. (The Non-Expert | July 22, 2005)

The New American Music

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week: The Fourth of July is here, so let’s get singing. But instead of Yankee-Doodling all over again, ANDREW WOMACK has some melodies that are still patriotic, more fun to sing, and that we can finally remember the words to. (The Non-Expert | July 1, 2005)

Worried About Celebrities

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week: Sudden weight loss and sudden engagements abound. KEVIN FANNING takes to the streets to find out which Hollywood celebrity’s out-of-control behavior is causing people the most anxiety. (The Non-Expert | June 24, 2005)

The Non-Expert: Term Paper

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK heeds the call from a forlorn student and explains how any term paper can be stretched to meet its page quota. To meet its page quota. To meet its page quota. (How To | June 3, 2005)

The Non-Expert: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN picks up where Paul Simon left off and offers a multitude of ways—45, actually—to leave your lover in the dust. (How To | May 27, 2005)

The Non-Expert: Gypsy Cabs

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week PITCHAYA SUDBANTHAD helps a nervous tourist understand that mystery of New York City transportation: the unlicensed car that will drive you either to your destination, or to your death! (How To | May 20, 2005)

The Non-Expert: Gentrify! Gentrify!

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK shows how you can fight New York’s soaring real-estate costs when you invade an unfamiliar neighborhood. Making friends will never be so hard. (How To | May 13, 2005)

The Non-Expert: Flying Babies

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN dives into the great button fly vs. zipper fly debate, and gives advice to a man whose wife is addicted to children. (How To | April 29, 2005)

The Non-Expert: Dreams and How to Dress for Them

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK helps analyze your dreams, or maybe just his own, and offers a handy chart that tells you what to wear depending on the temperature. Yes: “handy.” (How To | April 22, 2005)

The Non-Expert: Fabled

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK explains why it’s best to avoid serial threesomers, where the West Village begins and ends, how to build your résumé, and why you shouldn’t drive. All using goats. (How To | April 15, 2005)

The Non-Expert: Life Hacks for the Rest of Us

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK explains the well-traveled secrets and tricks that really can make your life a little bit easier, even while they fail to improve you in any way. (How To | April 8, 2005)

The Non-Expert: The Difference Between Men and Women

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN addresses a reader’s question about the difference between her and her boyfriend’s libidos with a one-act play about dinner. (How To | March 18, 2005)

The Non-Expert: The Unwritten Code of Subway Performers, Written

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK reveals the unspoken rules that govern the work, relationships, and processes that take place every day amongst the city’s many subway musicians, ventriloquists, acrobats, and the like. (How To | February 18, 2005)

The Non-Expert: What We Are When We Are at Home

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week TOBIAS SEAMON fields a tough question about why Americans are so obsessed with smell, and demonstrates how Americans’ odor concerns know no borders. (How To | February 11, 2005)

The Non-Expert: A Love Unsexy

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week CLAIRE MICCIO answers a lovelorn reader’s plea for a suitable locale where true affection can found in this way-oversexed world of ours. (How To | February 4, 2005)

The Non-Expert: Cameron’s Physics, Tara’s Slips

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, CLAY RISEN helps two readers with vital questions of national security: Can cars backtrack mileage if driven in reverse, and who is responsible for forcing celebrities down our throats? (How To | January 28, 2005)

The Non-Expert: The East Coast Olive Conspiracy

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week it’s up to investigative journalist CHOIRE SICHA, and his team of food experts, to answer an age-old question about green and black olives, and more importantly, and why New Yorkers can’t get green olives on their pizza. (How To | January 21, 2005)

The Non-Expert: When in Manhattan…

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ROSECRANS BALDWIN uses a thousand links to address the most frequently sent letter in the Non-Expert’s mailbag: I’m coming to New York City, please help! (How To | January 14, 2005)

The Non-Expert: People Watcher

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week CLAIRE MICCIO helps a college student out of her end-of-school doledrums by suggesting a hobby both interesting and adventurous, but that sometimes skirts the wrong side of the law. (How To | January 7, 2005)

The Non-Expert: The Family-Update Christmas Letter

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, in preparation for the holidays and gossiping relatives, ROSECRANS BALDWIN helps a woman with her prose for bragging about her family’s achievements. (How To | December 17, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Many Miscellaneous Concerns

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK answers reader concerns, including the business with mattress tags and why, when in Greece, you might not want to signal to your waiter that you’re ready for the check. (How To | December 10, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Anchorless

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, as we witness the retirement of Brokaw and Rather, ROSECRANS BALDWIN helps a rudderless reader pick a new broadcast journalist to trust for his news. (How To | December 3, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Saying Grace

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK shows how saying grace before a holiday meal doesn’t have to be a chore, and how if you know what to say, your thoughtful words may make the holidays more special. And then sometimes not. (How To | November 19, 2004)

The Non-Expert: The Two-Week Guide to Thanksgiving

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, to help a young woman prepare her Thanksgiving, ROSECRANS BALDWIN assembles a day-by-day plan for cooking turkey for nine people and managing sibling relations, plus all the fixings. (How To | November 12, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Roommate

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK shows a reader how to get even the most troublesome of roommates to move out. (How To | November 5, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Last-Minute Halloween Costumes

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, in the spirit of the holiday, ROSECRANS BALDWIN puts together a few last-minute costumes for adults who plan to combine liquor with their masks and candy. (How To | October 29, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Dance

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK describes many of today’s most enduring and popular dance steps, and includes helpful illustrations that show you how to dance them. (How To | October 22, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Married Sex

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN helps a woman whose husband has lost interest in intimacy, with ways to fool her man into bonking. (How To | October 15, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Fall

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK tells us how to recover after taking a really nasty spill in public. And yes, they’re all laughing at you. (How To | October 8, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Electors and Chickens

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN explains exactly how the electoral college works, with a small fable for example, and offers a roast chicken recipe for a guy who’s all thumbs in the kitchen. (How To | October 1, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Hipster

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK explains how being a hipster is not necessarily a bad thing, and shows how to determine if you are, in fact, really one of them. (How To | September 24, 2004)

The Non-Expert: How to Hide a Dead Body

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week former ambulance driver and TMN co-publisher ROSECRANS BALDWIN describes the right way to stash a stiff when the cops are on your tail. (How To | September 17, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Computers

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK explains what’s inside a computer and how it works, how you can determine if you need a laptop model or a desktop, and the true difference between PCs and Macs. (How To | September 10, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Accents

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ROSECRANS BALDWIN tells us aboot how something as simple as a fake accent, old bean, can get you out of any old jam, ain’t that right? (How To | September 3, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Diet

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK answers a reader’s question about how to find the right diet, and then makes it all up rather than doing his research. (How To | August 20, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Olympian

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK looks to this month’s Olympic Games and gives an overview of the athletic events involved and picks the sports you simply don’t want to miss. (How To | August 13, 2004)

The Non-Expert: IQ

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK answers a reader’s question about how to prove one’s intelligence to a world that needs to know. How? With the Non-Expert’s IQ test, of course. (How To | August 6, 2004)

The Non-Expert: New England Patriot

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. In light of this week’s John Kerry Convention, ROSECRANS BALDWIN helps a man who suspects his two-year-old son is a Democrat, or something much much worse. (How To | July 30, 2004)

The Non-Expert: More Miscellaneous Concerns

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK answers questions about how to avoid getting sick of and at the office, being sunburned while traveling at the speed of light, and the origins of the Spanish-American War. (How To | July 16, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Dogs

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK covers the many different kinds of canine companions you could choose to collar as “your best friend.” Except for schnauzers. (How To | July 9, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Removing

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK shows the proper way to dispose of a trashcan, then explains how to remove food smells that repel your significant other. Also: the problem with toaster ovens. (How To | June 25, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Zodiac

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK enters the astrological realm to reveal the meanings behind your birth sign, and explains why everyone finds Scorpios annoying. (How To | June 18, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Swim

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK instructs you on the basics of swimming, with many of the most popular strokes explained in detail. Except for the double-trudgen… because come on. (How To | June 11, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Home Surgery

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK shows you how to mend common household wounds with a handful of band-aids, a bottle of ipecac, and a healthy dose of resolve. (How To | June 4, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Online Loving & Andy Kaufman

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK shows how to turn online friendship into internet love, and exposes the truth behind Andy Kaufman’s return. (How To | May 21, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Assorted Randomness

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK explains why it’s not a good idea to name your baby after a month, what the opposite of brown is, and exactly who that is wandering the bike path. (How To | May 14, 2004)

The Non-Expert: English

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK illustrates, exhibits, and displays how proper editing makes English all that more the understandable. (How To | May 7, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Houseplants

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ANDREW WOMACK catalogs many popular houseplants, from bulbs to succulents, explaining which would be the best choices for your particular interior décor and style. (How To | April 23, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Economy-size

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week CLAY RISEN counsels a young man beleaguered by visions of marked-down tuna fish and cases of Two Buck Chuck. (How To | April 2, 2004)

The Non-Expert: Breastfeeding À La Carte

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week CHOIRE SICHA dives into that testy political swamp where culinary and maternal matters mix juices: when is breastfeeding (in)appropriate in restaurants? (How To | March 26, 2004)

Saturday, July 19, 2008

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