Stories
Trailers for Everyday Life
Ever wonder why your life’s not more like Mel Gibson’s? Ever think maybe it’s because he gets better narration? Pasha Malla and Mike Baker bring us a batch of movie trailers scripted for real-life scenarios.
- Once More, With Feeling (Conversation Piece)
- The Last Hurrah of the Mash-Ups (Spoofs & Satire)
- Here's the Pitch (Personalities)
Also by Mike Baker & Pasha Malla
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- How Everything Turned Out (June 27, 2007)
- What's the Frequency, Musad? (June 15, 2004)
- The Education of Elisabeth Eckleman: Back to School (June 6, 2005)
Also in Stories
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INFINITE SUMMER
Dracula
Sponsored by TMN, the online book club reads the vampire novel that sired them all.» READ ALONG
In a far-off land.
Where nothing is as it seems.
One exchange student.
Will wander for hours in a supermarket.
Baffled.
By the lack of mayonnaise.
This spring.
One man.
Will risk everything he has.
To prove to the woman he loves.
That the simple act of shutting the back gate.
Will keep squirrels out of the goddamn woodpile.
In a time when nothing seemed to matter.
In a place where fantasy knew no bounds.
Specifically, yesterday.
Behind the ice rink.
Cigarettes.
Became a passport to popularity.
For yet another teenager.
This Halloween.
One woman.
Alone.
Will know exactly what’s up.
When she sells a dozen eggs.
To two 13-year-olds.
In ski masks and camouflage jackets.
Murder.
Suspicion.
Accusation.
Are all elements.
Of a good game of Clue.
This summer.
Two friends.
Pushed to the limit.
With time running out.
Can only blame themselves.
For not cleaning the lint trap.
Before putting their towels in the dryer.
This holiday season.
One family’s Christmas.
Will have little significance.
Due, largely.
To their Hindu faith.
When everything you believe in.
Is fading away.
When everyone you know.
Has disappeared.
It’s probably time.
To find your coat.
Apologize.
And leave the party.
—Published September 13, 2004
