Stories
The Passion of the Christ: Blooper Reel
No film set exists without its share of gags and accidents, even the filming of Mel Gibson’s crucifixion epic. Interloper Paul Ford got a transcript of scenes that may never make it onto the DVD edition.
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THE FOOTNOTES TOO
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Pontius Pilate (Hristo Shopov) stands with the scourged and thorn-crowned Jesus (James Caviezel) before a throng of Jews, all of whom shout for Christ’s crucifixion. Pilate has a bowl of water brought to him so he can ‘wash his hands’ of Christ’s condemnation.
Assorted Jews: Crucify him!
Pontius Pilate: I am innocent of the blood of this just—[knocks over bowl of water, which spills down steps] oh, [bleep].
Jesus Christ: [smiling] Good one, Hristo.
Pilate: Nice crown, Jim.
Assorted Jews: [laughter]
Off Camera: Cut!
Christ, shackled to a stone, is being scourged by Roman soldiers. Blood runs down his gory back. His pain is palpable.
Jesus: [writhes in pain, hands shaking]
[Cell phone rings.]
Jesus: [hands shake furiously]
[Cell phone rings. Caviezel looks up, sheepish.]
Roman soldier: Jim? That you?
Jesus: Yeah.
[Cell phone rings.]
Soldier: Want me to get it?
Jesus: Yeah.
[Roman soldier gingerly reaches into Caviezel’s blood-soaked loincloth, pulls out phone and opens it, then holds the phone to Caviezel’s ear.]
Off Camera: [laughter]
Jesus: Hey, Mom.
The Last Supper. Jesus is in the upper room with his disciples. Judas (Luca Lionello) is seated nearby.
Jesus: If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world—ah, Christ.
Judas: Hateth you.
Jesus: Who’s on first, right?
Judas: [laughs]
Jesus: [rolls eyes at camera] John could write gospel, but, you know, could he write dialogue?
Off Camera: [laughter] Cut!
Jesus carries a heavy wooden cross through Jerusalem, assisted by Simon (Jarreth Merz).
Jesus: Wait a second. [puts down cross]
Off Camera: What is it?
Jesus: [wipes right eye] There’s something in my eye.
Simon: Oh my God, it’s a mote.
Off Camera: [laughter]
Jesus hangs on the cross, bloodied, in agony.
Take 3
Jesus: My God, my God, why hast thou—[laughing]
Off Camera: [laughter] Forsaken!
Take 4
Jesus: Thanks! Okay. My God, my God, why hast thou—[starts giggling]
Off Camera: [laughter]
Take 10
Jesus: I got it. I got it. Hold on. My God, my God, why hast thou—argh! [takes breath] Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Sabachthani, sabachthani, sabachthani. Okay.
Take 12
Jesus: Hey! I can see my house from here.
Take 14
Jesus: My God! Why have you—
[Caviezel is struck by lightning.]
Off Camera: Cut!
Take 35
Off Camera: Come on, Jim.
Jesus: [in terrible anguish] My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
Off Camera: [Applause]
Off Camera: We got it!
—Published March 2, 2004
