The Morning News

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Currently: TMN wishes you a very good weekend equipped with interesting things to read. Thank you, as always, for reading us. http://tmne.ws/h
about 21 hours ago

Spoofs & Satire

How James Yeh Is Celebrating Christmas in San Francisco

Sometimes you can’t make it home for the holidays: Just ask JAMES YEH, who recently moved away from his hometown in rural South Carolina. We asked people from his high school what they thought he was up to; here’s what we learned.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

James Yeh wants to be famous. Don’t hate him for it. He’s not arrogant; just young and pretty much oblivious as to how he should behave at events like this. Born and raised in upstate South Carolina, he is very angry about that. You can read more at his blog, Yellow Redneck Blues, and .
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“Acting homosexual.”
—Girlfriend, 12th grade

“Blasphemizing.”
—Choir director

“Grabbing his ankles.”
—P.E. teacher

“Listening to George Michael.”
—Custodian

“Wearing a mistletoe belt while prancing through the Castro.”
—Nurse

“Sodomy.”
—Nurse’s aide

“Contemplating child molestation.”
—Girlfriend, 11th grade

“Playing beer pong with eggnog and limp-wristing his shots.”
—Varsity quarterback

“Getting a sex change.”
—Captain, speech and debate team

“Shopping.”
—Principal

“Negatively influencing our children.”
—Assistant principal

“Enjoying the company of strange men.”
—Receptionist

“Lying to his parents.”
—Classmate

“Getting his stocking stuffed. Or vice-versa.”
—Girlfriend, 10th grade

“Listening to Ricky Martin.”
—Mascot

“Riding the Hershey Highway.”
—Valedictorian

“Lurking in a men’s room.”
—Guidance counselor

“Dressing up like Mrs. Claus.”
—Lunchlady

“Watching Will and Grace.”
—A.P. Chemistry teacher

“Feeling guilty.”
—Custodian

“Trying on women’s jeans.”
—Driver’s ed instructor

“Playing with himself.”
—Yearbook editor

“Buying hair product.”
—Academic Decathlon sponsor

“Whatever it is, I hope he’s being careful.”
—Girl who sat next to him in Pre-Cal

“He’s shopping—trust me.”
—Best friend

“Smoking the sausage.”
—Foreign exchange student

—Published December 16, 2005