The Morning News

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Currently: TMN wishes you a very good weekend equipped with interesting things to read. Thank you, as always, for reading us. http://tmne.ws/h
1 day ago

Spoofs & Satire

BetweenTheLines.com

Tired of having your work rejected by editors left and right? The Frustrated Amateur Writers Network may be just what you need to jump-start your writing career. They won’t be able to get you published—but they can help you feel better about it. JESSICA FRANCIS KANE writes.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jessica Francis Kane
TMN Contributing Writer Jessica Francis Kane’s first novel will be published in 2010 by Graywolf; it was excerpted recently in the Virginia Quarterly Review. Her first collection of stories, Bending Heaven, was published in the U.S. and the U.K. Her work has appeared in a number of publications, including McSweeney’s and VQR, and has been serialized on BBC radio. She lives in New York.
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For Immediate Release

FAWN
The Frustrated Amateur Writers Network
announces a new service:

“BetweenTheLines.com”



Do the phrases “first fiction,” “much anticipated,” and “publishing debut” send you into a fit of jealousy? Does the sight of a self-addressed, stamped envelope coming back to you in the mail make you sick? Are you unable to look at a manila folder without wincing?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you have been rejected too many times! You are suffering from the rejection-letter blues, and we at FAWN want to help. Now, with BetweenTheLines.com, we can!
“I’d been receiving notes for some time that said, ‘Stop sending us your stories.’ Then BetweenTheLines.com helped me to see that what they were really saying was, ‘Send us your poems!’”—Walter Persimmons, FAWN since 1990
Stop reading those depressing missives! Throw out your rejection-slip folder! With BetweenTheLines.com, you never have to be depressed by a rejection letter again. Email it to us, and in two to three business days we’ll send you our annotated version. We will not lie to you: Your story/essay/poem will still be rejected. We believe, however, that we can improve your reading of the rejection and reveal to you the encouragement, often hidden, within it.

Our team of trained readers is qualified to examine every phrase, every word choice, every seemingly superfluous pen mark made by an editor or agent and expound on what it may mean. (We regret that there is not much our staff can do with pre-printed rejection slips absent of any personal markings. If you are receiving these, check out our sister service, for FAWN members only, GiveThemTheSlip.com!)

But if you are receiving personal correspondence of any kind—and this includes any markings on pre-printed forms—we can help! Was there a handwritten “thank you” in the bottom corner? Anything underlined, as in “not quite right for us”? Any illegible initials? (They might be the editor’s, not just an intern’s!)

Do not be distracted by the common “does not suit our current editorial needs.” Instead, let our readers give you fruitful textual analysis. Have they said they “would like/would be glad/would be happy to see more of your work?” (Statistical analysis by our team of experts reveals “like” to be much stronger than “glad.”)

Even if you consider yourself an advanced rejection-slip reader, BetweenTheLines.com can give you friendly corroboration. Wouldn’t it be nice to receive some good news for a change? Our service can satisfy your craving! Just let us know whether you would prefer your improved rejection by email or regular post. And if you need even more—if you are simply fed-up with rejection regardless of interpretation—try our related service (for premium members only) FauxFawnAcceptance.com. We have a number of different letterheads and typefaces—yes, even The New Yorker’s!—that you can choose from.
“Before using BetweenTheLines.com, I thought being told my writing was mind-numbing was a bad thing. Now I understand that I have a gift, and I’m at work on a book of prayers and meditations. Thanks, BetweenTheLines.com!”—Betty Persily, FAWN since 2002
Give up those days of dejection. Say good-bye to hours of obsessive rejection-letter reading. With BetweenTheLines.com you can get back to work. Let us give you the confidence and support you’ve always known you deserved.

—Published April 20, 2006