Op-Ed

Of course there are issues of great social and political importance that always need discussing. But what about the minutiae? Essays on everything you’ve ever thought about but never addressed.

Curb Your Dog’s Enthusiasm

New York City is a wonderland for dogs—to defecate on, and for their owners to look the other way. JESSICA FRANCIS KANE argues for a more civilized scenario, where dogs aren’t encouraged to kill plants. (Op-Ed | February 5, 2009)

The Crippling Fear of Corriearklet

Pity the English. Not only are they cursed with bad weather, and the habit of talking about it all the time, they also fear eye contact with strangers in long corridors. GILES TURNBULL explains one nation’s syndrome. (Op-Ed | January 21, 2009)

Friending the President

Facebook and other online social networks have played an extraordinary role in this election season. But to what effect? LAUREN BANS confronts her status-update addiction. (Op-Ed | November 4, 2008)

Programming in English, or Translate :: ParseLib :: English

Computer code may not be gobbledygook, but that doesn’t make it art. LLEWELLYN HINKES surveys the field of programming-cum-poetry to find the ghost (of Hamlet’s father) in the machine. (Op-Ed | August 14, 2008)

A New Beijing, in Focus

Don’t be distracted by the hubbub surrounding the impressive buildings Beijing is constructing for the Olympics, CLAY RISEN advises. It’s the people of the Chinese capital who need your attention. (Op-Ed | July 31, 2008)

Someone’s in the Kitchen With Ignatius J. Reilly

Ever since she left Little House on the Prairie behind and was forced, when she grew too old for books with pictures, to conjure up storybook settings, ELIZABETH KIEM has been placing the fiction she reads in the homes she knows. (Op-Ed | June 17, 2008)

Two Minutes and 42 Seconds in Heaven

How many horn solos does it take to kill a perfect pop song? JOSHUA ALLEN applies science and taste to determine the exact best length—down to the second—for the platonic song, including a full mix tape of samples. (Op-Ed | April 16, 2008)

Following Function

While America’s urban poverty is a visible and often-addressed problem, the nation’s rural poor live a life apart. CLAY RISEN examines one architecture program’s work to connect them with what they really need. (Op-Ed | April 8, 2008)

March Sadness

Your N.C.A.A. brackets have fallen apart; you are not alone. With lessons learned from the tournament thus far, STEVE McNUTT devises a set of rules to ensure a perfect prediction from here on out. (Op-Ed | March 27, 2008)

In Other Election News

Some claim Russia’s Medvedev is a False Dmitry; others—especially the new prime minister—insist he’s the real deal. ELIZABETH KIEM looks at Russia’s post-election party-protests and leans toward the bad guys, who play better music. (Op-Ed | March 5, 2008)

Making the Case for Music Fanboyism

The critic is the defender of taste, often to diehard fans’ chagrin. But inside every critic is the ultimate fan, who must temper their gushing with honesty. ORR SHTUHL brings the evidence. (Op-Ed | December 6, 2007)

What’s the Point of Giving Thanks?

Thanksgiving is upon us, and while what we’re thankful for is up to each of us, the reasons we feel so appreciative are unclear. MATTHEW BALDWIN looks to experts in the field of gratitude for an answer. (Op-Ed | November 21, 2007)

A New Social Construct

Modernism may be dead, but the world desperately needs radically new ideas about living, working, and governing in the 21st-century city. CLAY RISEN on the search for a solution. (Op-Ed | September 13, 2007)

In the Beginning Was the Word, and the Word Was “Um”

Many hear verbal stumbles as a lack of eloquence—or worse, intelligence. However, explains MICHAEL ERARD, there’s a new love and respect for our little hesitations. (Op-Ed | August 9, 2007)

Room to Read: A Modest Proposal

What better way to relax after a kid-filled day than with a nice book—and what less likely scenario can many parents imagine? For page-turners everywhere, JESSICA FRANCIS KANE has a novel idea. (Op-Ed | May 30, 2007)

Water to Burn?

Today is U.N. World Water Day, and for many of the planet’s residents, one of our most plentiful resources has become all too scarce. The rest of us, writes BRUCE MURPHY, are busy playing golf in the desert. (Op-Ed | March 22, 2007)

Comeuppance

An adolescent tragedy forever changed Laura Bush; but instead of appreciating the sanctity of life—publicly at least—she promotes the reality of death. JAMES McMANUS wonders about the woman who’s always stood by her man. (Op-Ed | March 1, 2007)

The Vice Squad

Just in time for President’s Day, a fun activity the entire family can enjoy: Who was the worst vice-president ever? CLAY RISEN reviews history’s candidates who could reach for Cheney’s crown. (Op-Ed | February 16, 2007)

Spinning From the Grave

Ever since Gerald Ford’s death last week, politicians and pundits have rewritten much of his life into a series of victories. Now that he’s in the ground, it’s safe to finish the job. By BOB WOODIWISS. (Op-Ed | January 4, 2007)

The Confession of an American Jew

Everybody wants to know, but nobody wants to ask: Why are Jews funny? In search of an answer, WAYNE GLADSTONE travels far from the roads of good intentions. (Op-Ed | December 13, 2006)

Biloxi Blues

Katrina’s destruction of the Mississippi coast left many residents homeless, unemployed, and vowing recovery. One year later, CLAY RISEN revisits the coast, but finds little sign of progress. (Op-Ed | November 30, 2006)

Consuming Obama

Barack Obama is riding a wave of enthusiasm, and though we sense his sincerity, there’s little else we know about him. PITCHAYA SUDBANTHAD considers the man everyone seems to think should be our next president. (Op-Ed | November 28, 2006)

Closed Heart Surgery

Going under the knife is an arduous, lonely experience, and anyone who will share your pain is welcome. But Donald Rumsfeld? Writer JOHN BLADES finds an unlikely medical companion in the Defense secretary. (Op-Ed | October 24, 2006)

Betting Wrong

Session after session, congressional battles have us rooting for one side or the other. But it’s not easy to tell who the good (and bad) guys are. MATTHEW BALDWIN offers a theory by way of He-Man and the Masters of the United States Congress. (Op-Ed | October 2, 2006)

Longing for the Sad Bastards

When did our angst-driven movie men get all tangled up in their apron strings? F. RUSSELL brings us a screen history of damaged males. (Op-Ed | September 28, 2006)

Not an Open Letter

The self-made jury has handed down its decision: For his previous life in the Waffen SS, Günter Grass—and his work—should receive the maximum penalty. ELIZABETH KIEM testifies on his behalf. (Op-Ed | August 22, 2006)

News Gone Wild

Pop quiz for the journalism students in the audience: What’s an editor to do when her reporter is assaulted and the attacker, whom the reporter strikes back, turns out to be the story’s subject? CLAY RISEN is waiting for answers. (Op-Ed | August 9, 2006)

Daddies Unbound

The stereotype that dads don’t show much skill or interest in child-rearing should have gone out when you were still in diapers—so why does it persist? JESSICA FRANCIS KANE says it’s not dads who are trying to duck duty, but moms who won’t share. (Op-Ed | July 13, 2006)

The Weathermen

Why are so many news shows so dully casted—except for the flamboyantly named superhero in front of the blue screen? CLAY RISEN reviews the top 10 best-named weathermen currently rescuing the news. (Op-Ed | May 30, 2006)

We’d Like to Hear You Never

Yapping on cell phones has gotten out of hand—on the bus, on the street, even in subways, civil life is trampled with every outspoken call. LAUREN FREY has ways to exact your revenge. (Op-Ed | May 24, 2006)

The Word You Dare Not Spell

Whatever Kaavya Viswanathan’s legacy, she has inspired us to take pleasure in others’ misfortune. And as there happens to be a word that means just that—schadenfreude—many writers have been more than happy to remind us of it. JASON FEIFER investigates. (Op-Ed | May 8, 2006)

In Praise of Loopholes

There’s something to be said for working smarter, and not harder, and humans have been looking for—and finding—loopholes to enable it for centuries. MATTHEW BALDWIN looks at some of our most celebrated loophole practitioners, and their tales. (Op-Ed | April 25, 2006)

Purim vs. St. Patrick’s Day

Being drunk may be fun, but being drunk and knowing the big Guy approves is even better. LAUREN FREY matches historical fact and too much beer to decide which holiday offers the bigger hangover. (Op-Ed | March 17, 2006)

It

United we stand. In line. At the cash register… If there’s one issue Americans can rally around, writes BOB WOODIWISS, it’s consumption. We all want stuff. Lots of stuff. As much as our wallets and purses will allow, and usually more. (Op-Ed | March 2, 2006)

Heeding the Lamplighter’s Whistle

He’s gone. He’s been gone for some time. I’d still come running, though, at the very first note. Just one little round of the Masterpiece Theatre theme, and I’m all his, that little gas-lighting corporate mascot. I’m his sucker, writes ELIZABETH KIEM (Op-Ed | February 24, 2006)

Would You Like Havarti With Those Freedom Fries?

Embassies have been torched, several people have died, ignorance flows from all corners—all for a few cartoons less intelligible than your average “Cathy” strip. CHOIRE SICHA welcomes us to the new medievalism. (Op-Ed | February 6, 2006)

Wrong Way Home

To rebuild the Katrina-ravaged Gulf Coast, Mississippi’s governor picked a panel of vaunted New Urbanists to submit plans. But is their nostalgia for small-town America appropriate, nevermind prepared for the task? (Op-Ed | November 8, 2005)

From the Ground Up

Even in the face of disaster, life finds a way. But how long can we afford to flout forces beyond our control and live on unsteady ground? And what are we willing to pay? Our writer sends a dispatch from New Orleans. (Op-Ed | September 14, 2005)

Reality Check

When a critic slams Bravo’s new take on Battle of the Network Stars, our writer remembers what made the first one worth a do-over. As it turns out, while the show could be remade, it could hardly be revived. (Op-Ed | September 6, 2005)

Brothers From Another Mother

Did David Childs really steal his Freedom Tower design from a Yale student? And can you call that stealing, or just the way the business works? Our critic explains how plagiarism exists in architecture, and why there actually should be more of it. (Op-Ed | August 31, 2005)

Downloading for the Greater Good

Fall semester is fast approaching, when students in our best universities will resume buying their essays off the internet and plagiarizing like crazy—and good for them! Why downloading term papers is an asset to higher education. (Op-Ed | August 9, 2005)

Sincerely Yours LOL!

The recent publication of Robert Lowell’s letters makes us wonder, will someday collections of today’s scribblers’ correspondence include emoticons? A look at the last gasps of letter writing. (Op-Ed | July 6, 2005)

Culture Shake

Americans find certain things familiar on these shores to be challenged overseas: love for peanut butter, Republican politics, and particularly the good old American handshake. Brian Kimberling reports from abroad on the challenge of kissing Margaret Thatcher. (Opinions | June 8, 2005)

Mr. Ugli Fruit or: How I Stopped Being Nice and Learned to Hate Fairway

The Grocery Wars have made Manhattan a battlefield strewn with fallen asparagus, and no turf is more contested than the Upper West Side where battered heavyweight Fairway fends off competitors. Food writer David Leite explains how far he’s willing to go for decent cardoons. (Opinions | May 25, 2005)

MiniDisco

Portable audio used to be strictly for joggers and the kids who smoked under the bleachers, but these days everybody and their guidance counselor has an iPod. So how did headphones become fashionable, and MiniDisc devotees get left by the wayside? EMMA STRATTON remembers her scrolling LCD display. (Opinions | April 6, 2005)

A Modest British American

When America is so despised around the world, it is too bad we’ve lost one of our best ambassadors. Louis Cooke (no relation) attends a memorial service for Alistair Cooke in Westminster Abbey and sees the 20th century’s greatest radio broadcaster remembered among the famous and the great. (Opinions | October 25, 2004)

Concerning My Neighbors, The Hicks

It’s easy for Yankees to see the South as a swamp, full of evangelist in-breds and Fox-fed yokels, when the media reinforces the stereotype. Nashville’s finest Clay Risen takes on poet Charles Simic for the sake of southern culture. (Opinions | August 11, 2004)

A Reasonable Guide to Scum Rock

Let the strippers go unpaid, let the motel rooms burn—rock’s only as good as its most depraved leaders are terrible. Reporting from his headphones, Tobias Seamon has a catalog of true low-life hedonism. (Opinions | February 10, 2004)

Pizza Party U.S.A.

Every four years at the end of February, we’ve got that extra day. Is it special? Well maybe it should be. Julius Caesar may have invented Leap Day, but MATTHEW BALDWIN invented Pizza Party U.S.A, and he has a petition for you to sign. (Opinions | February 4, 2004)

Is Illiteracy So Bad?

When people can’t explain global warming or mad cow disease, perhaps they should look at a less than obvious scourge: the dreaded literacy plague. Scott Douglas considers a less textual world. (Opinions | January 12, 2004)

Notes on a Federal Culture

Urban character is easy—Chicago has architecture, New York has culture, Los Angeles has a six-hour flight to New York—but what about cities with zero personality? Let’s say, Washington? D.C. writer Clay Risen comes up with a few traits for home. (Opinions | October 23, 2003)

Dear Hollywood

Hollywood. Is it worth the trouble? In a last-ditch effort to find something worth fighting for, KEN WOMACK writes a letter to the big ‘H’ to ask why it’s been acting the way it has. (Opinions | September 18, 2003)

The Stitch Service

Big scoops don’t often happen to little towns, so when a delegation arrives from Ukrania, you can bet it’s front-page news. Reporter Jason Feifer on the struggle for headlines. (Personalities | August 28, 2003)

Crowning the Action

Mel Gibson’s forthcoming movie, The Passion, has come under a great deal of fire, especially for something that nobody’s even seen yet. Tobias Seamon addresses the controversy and questions where Gibson’s responsibilities lie. (Opinions | August 27, 2003)

Freddy and Jason and Reese and Julia

Ahh, movie sequels: the perpetual bliss of knowing what happens next. But what if Hollywood runs out of old films for remakes, prequels, and crossovers? Philip Graham has a plan that will save the movie industry. (Opinions | August 20, 2003)

The Pop-Off King

Though dancers occasionally kick one another, writers are alone among artists in using their craft to attack each other. KEVIN GUILFOILE reports on Stephen King’s new decision to join the vipers. (Opinions | August 13, 2003)

Another Roadside Attraction

The Washington Post’s new free newspaper Express is targeted to illiterate youngsters with wallets. CLAY RISEN reports on the difficulties of selling young and hip. (Opinions | August 8, 2003)

Copyrights and Wrongs

Despite its grumblings (and litigation) to the contrary, the entertainment industry benefits from copyright expiration: Take, for instance, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Matthew Baldwin reports. (Opinions | July 11, 2003)

Waiting for Aiken

Since 1989, anyone named after some variation of Urkel has lived a miserable existence. Clay Patrick Risen considers his future, in the shadow of American Idol. (Opinions | July 9, 2003)

Forever and a Day: Songs for Summertime

After a weekend of heavy research, summer expert TOBIAS SEAMON gives us his survey of music for surviving the heat, and your drunk friends. (Opinions | July 7, 2003)

The Facts of Life

Fact-checking: It’s not an easy job, and it’s not without its faults. Which is why it wasn’t any feat of genius for Stephen Glass or Jayson Blair to crack the system. Clay Risen reports from the head offices. (Opinions | June 17, 2003)

Here She Is…Miss American Idol

Justin! Kelly! Justin!! Kelly!!!! A throng of adoring fans in Burleson, Texas, welcomes Kelly Clarkson and co-star at her hometown stop on their movie tour. SARAH HEPOLA witnesses the mayhem. (Personalities | June 16, 2003)

Branded for Life

Teenagers: They’ve got cell phones, credit cards, and brand identities. JOHN WARNER reviews Alissa Quart’s Branded: The Buying and Selling of Teenagers to find a shared past not too dissimilar, and a terrifying prospect that may lie ahead of us all. (Opinions | June 11, 2003)

Washington Gothic

Within the halls of Washington, D.C., lurks a stench of unsolved crimes, muttering highwaymen, and altogether strange behavior. Clay Risen peers into the capital’s dark corners. (Personalities | May 21, 2003)

Mess with the Bull, You’ll Get the Horns

The recent hazing at Glenbrook North High School and that other story about disregard for journalistic propriety can find judgment in the college classroom. Glenbrook North alum and college instructor JOHN WARNER teaches some difficult lessons. (Opinions | May 15, 2003)

A Brief Catechism of Rock Shows, Part I

When it comes to rock shows, there are many guidelines to be followed, and some fans do so with a religious fervor. Hear the word of the rock gods, know the truth, and know that LESLIE HARPOLD spake it. Here is Lesson First: The End of Cool. (Opinions | March 28, 2003)

The New-Old Albany

Every great city is filled with a thousand untold stories. Albany, New York, however, has none. In a bout of civic service, Tobias Seamon decides to concoct a few. (Stories | March 26, 2003)

Springtime for Washington

Daisies and rifles are never easy bedfellows, especially when both are just starting to bloom. D.C. resident Clay Risen reports on the effects of going to war just when the weather’s turning nice. (Opinions | March 18, 2003)

Tom Ridge, You Could be the New Oprah!

Major contributors to the Republican party may be getting pay-offs in the most unexpected ways. Philip Graham considers opening his checkbook with an idea that could save the free world and literature. (Personalities | March 12, 2003)

Albany, Counting the Ways

The heart of New York may be in the five boroughs, but its gear box is buried under snow in Albany. Upstater Tobias Seamon reports on the many reasons to love a seedy town of secrets, bosses, and smoke-filled rooms. (Personalities | March 11, 2003)

Accidental Strength

Princeton graduate Ung Lee wins prestige, cash, and a number of prizes for his fiction thesis. The hitch is, one of the stories was stolen. Seth Shafer, the author whose work was robbed, responds. (Personalities | March 3, 2003)

The Mormons: Our Secret Weapon in the War on Terror

Is war the only option? Surely, there’s something else we can do? Something, perhaps, involving ghosts and baptism? Philip Graham has a proposition you might not slam your door on. (Opinions | February 27, 2003)

Josh’s Creepily Prescient Oscar Picks

It’s Oscar time again. But before you drop your paycheck in the office pool on who will snag Best Supporting Whatever, peruse Joshua Allen’s dead-on predictions for the winners. (Personalities | February 26, 2003)

Among the ‘Unsavvy’

Being published in the New Yorker has long been a fantasy for many writers, and the magazine’s recent change in the fiction chair appeared to offer more hope for the underpublished. Appearances, however, can be deceitful; JOHN WARNER cracks the masque. (Opinions | January 29, 2003)

Super Bowl Ads: A Postmortem

It’s been popular for years to say Super Bowl ads are more entertaining than the game, and the ad industry started the rumor. Unfortunately, Dennis Mahoney points out that the ad industry is prone to lying. (Opinions | January 27, 2003)

Santa’s Not-So-Little Helper

You know Santa: cheeks like a rose, nose like a cherry. Now meet the Krampus, a boozy goat-horned menace that whips children around Europe. Clay Risen meets a group of Krampuses and learns why they’re great at a party. (Stories | December 4, 2002)

Rivalry Day

Harvard-ers and Yalies may not mix well, but ask a Buckeye what he thinks of someone from Michigan, and he’ll start building the effigy. TOBIAS SEAMON spends a long day on the couch watching the seismic clashes of college football. (Opinions | November 25, 2002)

Ads Are Stupid

A purple thing with eyes will make you buy cheeseburgers. Shaking rumps will make you buy beer. Bears are supposed to do something too. Dennis Mahoney reviews the material and concludes that ads are stupid. (Opinions | November 5, 2002)

Branding

No longer content with acronyms or surnames, companies now hire brand consultants to name their children. Clay Risen goes through the best and the worst of new-age monikers, including those easily pronounced as ass-enter. (Opinions | October 22, 2002)

The Opposite of Sex and the City

There is a city that belongs to Sarah Jessica Parker, and it is slowly creeping into PAUL FORD’s head. That is why it’s sometimes nicer to imagine HBO’s hit series as a Beckett play. (New York, New York | October 21, 2002)

Saturday Night Fever

Saturday Night Live has never been a gender-balanced show, just as it’s never been consistently funny. These days, things are starting to change. Claire Zulkey on the hilarious women of Studio 8H. (Opinions | September 5, 2002)

This Is The [Best]…Article…of the Summer!

Ever been suspect of the reviews that accompany movie ad posters? You probably have good reason. Here’s a look at the true origins of those reviews. MATTHEW BALDWIN dims the lights and puts on the next reel. (Opinions | August 28, 2002)

The Illustrierter Bacillus

While looking through his parents’ attic Clay Risen finds the May 14, 1942, issue of the Nazi party propaganda paper Illustrierter Beobachter. Nobody has any idea how it got there. A look between the pages. (Opinions | August 26, 2002)

Is Gotham the New Interstate?

Most graphic designers are lazy about type, so when they find a font they like, they stick to it. In the 90s, everyone used Interstate. Dmitri Siegel interviews Tobias Frere-Jones, Interstate’s designer, to see if he’s drawn the next big face. (Personalities | August 8, 2002)

I Know You’re Lonely For Words That I Ain’t Spoken

Most people know that Bruce Springsteen has a new album out. But everyone knows that a man, shouting at Springsteen, partly inspired the new songs. KEVIN GUILFOILE on a small story ruined by exposure. (Opinions | August 5, 2002)

iPod vs. Sliced Bread

Is the iPod better than sliced bread. No, is it really better than sliced bread? Yancey Strickler and Lavina Lee put on the goggles and find out for sure. (Op-Ed | August 1, 2002)

Our Town

A village that dies overnight, a town where the ground is on fire, real-life Atlantises… Margaret Berry collects stories about normal towns where strange things happen. (Stories | July 11, 2002)

The Arthur Andersen Trial: Not as Boring as It Seems

We know about the shredded documents, the shadow holding companies, the financial improprieties—but that’s only the tip of the iceberg. Investigator Claire Zulkey gives you the real dirt on the dirty dealings. (Stories | July 10, 2002)

Nothing’s Shocking

Once upon a time, music idols were evil enough for your parents to hate them. So what do we have left, now that our demons are as safe as pie? Dennis Mahoney gives us the (hopefully) grim details. (Opinions | June 20, 2002)

Man and the Lad Mag

Today’s man has some very real problems, and the magazines he’s reading may be a big reason why. JOHN WARNER studies the marketing designed to engender the fall of modern man. (Opinions | June 6, 2002)

What Are You, Drunk?

A new study on binge drinking from the Harvard School of Public Health slides off the stool, falls down, and admits that it really didn’t know what it was talking about earlier, with all that ‘research’ business. KEVIN GUILFOILE drives it home and gives it a good talking-to. (Opinions | May 29, 2002)

Hella, Hold Your Horse Is

As Don Caballero devolved into a mess of egotistical assholes and sloppy drunks (see Fred Weaver’s excellent tour diary in… (Op-Ed | May 23, 2002)

The Case for Cocktails

Fifty years ago, men ordered Manhattans, women drank Mai Tais, and no one brought guns to school. The logic is irrefutable; MARGARET MASON urges you to drink well. (Opinions | May 21, 2002)

Typography in The Sun

When people applaud or boo the newly risen New York Sun, it’s usually for political or editorial reasons. Rarely does anyone mention the paper’s design, a noteworthy if nostalgic broadsheet on the newsrack. Type enthusiast Andy Crewdson takes us through the details. (New York, New York | May 16, 2002)

Nothing Like The Sun

New York’s new daily paper The New York Sun was launched two weeks ago with great expectations, brio, and fanfare. So far we’ve seen a lot of wire stories, copy errors, and sloppy writing. Smarternysun.com editor Clay Risen surveys the results. (New York, New York | April 30, 2002)

Catch A Falling Catholic

Will the recent rash of pedophilia charges against the Catholic Church cause a drop in membership? If so, might those disenchanted Catholics be interested in joining the competition? KEVIN GUILFOILE has a few marketing concepts for those faiths looking to sign up some new recruits. (Opinions | April 17, 2002)

The First Rule of Book Club

Chicago versus New York: sure, we know whose pizza is better, but what about their city-wide book reading programs? KEVIN GUILFOILE sits us down and gives us a stern lecture about our relative civic hopes, fears, and lazy habits. (Opinions | April 2, 2002)

Storage Facility

Back in 1999, Jaron Lanier, a leading figure in the history of Virtual Reality (he coined the term), proposed a revolutionary vehicle for archival storage: cockroaches. MICHAEL BARRISH explains the madness. (Opinions | January 14, 2002)

Happy Birthday, Embryo

For good or ill, the first genetic engineering of a human embryo is one more mental adjustment in a year of Herculean mental adjustments. And 2001 started off so boring. Dennis Mahoney dons the lab coat and explains. (Opinions | November 26, 2001)

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