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Headlines for Monday, November 13, 2006

Wal-Mart brings back “Merry Christmas” while Best Buy stands firm behind “Happy Holidays.”

Diagnose your own tone-deafness.

Everything you’d ever wanted to know about American women and guns but were afraid to ask.

The illustrated history of folding chairs.

Italian trains can’t operate when thieves steal copper wiring for export to China.

Mystery of crumbling Euro notes solved—the culprit was meth.

One-sided counterfeit bill shows a real lack of dedication.

Each and every day a comic strip abuses the use of the silent second-to-last panel.

Next up: The Bollywood romantic musical extravaganza about the shy proofreader and the fun-loving graphic designer.

So much for stereotypes: Hippies and their marijuana weave “path of environmental destruction” in Northern California.

Blogging is so novel [in Saudi Arabia] that the equivalent term in Arabic, tadween, to chronicle, was coined only this year.

Most cases of identity theft go unsolved; however, of those that are cracked, half the time the crime is perpetrated by a family member.

As the speaker takes to the podium, several students silence their cellphones. One puts down his copy of The Wall Street Journal and takes out his Bible.

The 1927-1933 Chart of Pompous Prognosticators.

Photos of a Brooklyn playground that gets spooky at night.

Funny names for genes in the lab aren’t so funny when they’re attached to human abnormalities.

A new vaccine uses the body’s natural immune system to destroy kidney tumors.

A new generation of Agent Orange victims is born, and the blame keeps changing hands.

It was surprising to discover that he has white hair, though when you stop to think about it, it’s hard to pinpoint what Guest really looks like.

Soap opera as fantasy sport.

Steve McQueen’s sunglasses sell at auction for $70,200.

Twenty years on, Dark Horse Comics won’t give up its edge.

Democrats want troops removed (aka “redeployed”) from Iraq within the next four to six months.

Outgoing (aka “lame duck”) Congress back in session today, with plans to pass ambitious bills before the January changeover.

Reid, Pelosi vow to reform earmarking in Congress—even though they’re fairly well-known for (aka “guilty of”) it themselves.

Meet the crisis negotiator who’s called in when pirates plunder on the high seas.

Florida absentee ballot mailed with $500,000 stamp.

Procol Harum members will play a keyboard in court to prove who wrote the organ riff in “A Whiter Shade of Pale.” (The video for the song, from 1967.)

It’s official: A burrito is not a sandwich.

Why does this magazine smell like cheese?

Brazilian woman proves multiple gunshots to the head not as fatal as once thought.

I am Macaca; no, James Webb is.

Virginia cops drop 10-codes and a little bit of their soul dies.

“Do-gooders run things. I’m telling you, this life was very good for freaks.” It’s not easy to run a freakshow in the age of political correctness.

Audio: hear Bill Buford talk to turkeys other than Mario Batali.

This season’s chef cookbook that you’ll actually want.

Spitzer says no new MTA fare hikes, blinds us with his milky chest.

Maybe Bush can’t tell a joke either: How his drapes quip to Pelosi fell flat.

Ford passes Reagan as the longest-living U.S. president.

TODAY’S FEATURE

The Corruptibles

Sitting at our new surveys desk, MIKE DERI SMITH rounds up the recent trends in global corruption, from Berlusconi to Jersey Shore, to New Yorkers paying rent to the Shah of Iran.