Hear that knocking? It’s either Halloween or those are Buy Here Pay Here dealership reps here to kidnap a family member.

Assuming the former, are your Halloween preparations complete? If not, TMN (The Mourning News!) can help:

• If you still need a costume but don’t have any money, try our recession-proof Halloween costumes.
• If your gourds are still unscathed, we’ve got pumpkin-carving instructions.
• If you need a scary story with an unexpected twist, try The Vanishing Date, The Backseat Killer, The Roommate, The Babysitter, The Green Ribbon, and, The Monkey’s Paw.