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Spoofs & Satire

Re: Cephalopod

Now that Congress has approved domestic wire-tapping, no one can prevent the U.S. from becoming a surveillance state. No one, that is, except for cathym17@zipmail.com.

From: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>
To: Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:38:33
Subject: Cephalopod

Well, it’s official: yesterday afternoon Bush signed the new FISA “compromise” bill, ending a year of legal wrangling. And while the new legislation doesn’t specifically deal with Cephalopod, we are pretty much in the clear from this point forward.

After all, if Congress is willing to roll over on domestic wiretapping—the very program that prompted the original FISA legislation—I think it’s fair to say that our operation is going to go unchallenged. And, frankly, Cephalopod is too complicated for the man-on-the-street to get worked up about anyhow. Packet sniffing, email monitoring, replication, and retention of all internet traffic—kind of over the head of Ma and Pa AOL, you know?

Of course, the operation is also top secret and unknown to the general public—that helps too wink

Anyway, to celebrate I thought we could all go to the Ruby Tuesday’s on 15th for Mojitos after work. I have my Prius and will probably head over around 5:30, if anyone wants a ride.

Cheers,
Brett

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From: Cathy Mutolo <cathym17@zipmail.com>
To: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:38:37
Subject: Re: Cephalopod

UNSUBSCRIBE

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From: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>
To: Alison Lloyd <alloyd@nsa.gov>
CC: Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:38:58
Subject: Fw: Cephalopod

Hi Ally, message below was supposed to go to you too but I was foiled by autocomplete smile

-----Forwarded message-----
>From: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>
> To: Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>,
> Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>,
> Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
> Date: 11 July 2008 10:38:33
> Subject: Cephalopod

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From: Jason Peoples <jasonpeep@bostonmanor.net>
To: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:01
Subject: Re: Cephalopod

Hi. I don’t not know how I got on this mailing ilst but I should not be on it. Thanks.

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From: Dugan Alastair <sboglia@winthrop.au>
To: Jason Peoples <jasonpeep@bostonmanor.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:10
Subject: Re: Cephalopod

This goes for me as well.

Dugan

On Fri, July 11 at 10:39, Jason Peoples <jasonpeep@bostonmanor.net> wrote:
> Hi. I don’t not know how I got on this mailing ilst but I
> should not be on it. Thanks.

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From: Anthony Deal <tony@lifeline.com.ar>
To: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:11
Subject: Re: Cephalopod

Is this spam? If it is I don’t get it. Please do not contact me again.

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From: ??????????? <chance@zaitaku.jp>
To: Dugan Alastair <sboglia@winthrop.au>, Jason Peoples <jasonpeep@bostonmanor.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:16
Subject: Re: Cephalopod

???????????

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From: Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>
To: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:18
Subject: Whoops [Was: Re: Cephalopod]

Uhh, dude I think you sent this to the entire internet.

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From: Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>
To: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:22
Subject: Re: Whoops [Was: Re: Cephalopod]

Sorry, this was meant to be a private message to Brett. Please ignore.

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From: Isabelle Miller <hottyhotmama@wwwolf.net>
To: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:25
Subject: Re: Whoops [Was: Re: Cephalopod]

Please remove me from this mailing list.

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From: Avram Avraham <aa-ham@sdcgwa.org>
To: ??????????? <chance@zaitaku.jp>, Dugan Alastair <sboglia@winthrop.au>, Jason Peoples <jasonpeep@bostonmanor.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:27
Subject: Re: Cephalopod

I wish to be unsubscribed.

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From: Rosemarie Torres <rosemarie@bluedog.co.uk>
To: Isabelle Miller <hottyhotmama@wwwolf.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:30
Subject: Re: Whoops [Was: Re: Cephalopod]

me too

On Fri, July 11 at 10:39, Isabelle Miller <hottyhotmama@wwwolf.net> wrote:
> Please remove me from this mailing list.

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From: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:37
Subject: Please stop replying all [Was: Re: Whoops [Was: Re: Cephalopod]]

[Moving everyone to BCC]

Hi, all. A few minutes ago I accidentally sent an email message to an email list that is for internal use only. Please DO NOT REPLY TO ALL to this message.

Also, if you could remove the email list from you address book, that would be swell.

Thanks a lot for your cooperation,
Brett

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From: Davoud Pierre <cheow0@xlt.tv>
To: Rosemarie Torres <rosemarie@bluedog.co.uk>, Isabelle Miller <hottyhotmama@wwwolf.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:40
Subject: Re: Whoops [Was: Re: Cephalopod]

Me too

On Fri, July 11 at 10:39, Rosemarie Torres <rosemarie@bluedog.co.uk> wrote:
> me too

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From: Mohamed Aly <mohamed.aly@dioxide.fr>
To: Avram Avraham <aa-ham@sdcgwa.org>, ??????????? <chance@zaitaku.jp>, Dugan Alastair <sboglia@winthrop.au>, Jason Peoples <jasonpeep@bostonmanor.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:52
Subject: SOPT IT!!!!! [Was: Re: Cephalopod]

STOP REPLYING TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! U R MORONS!!!!!!

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From: Sheila Buckner <s.bucknerof@usability.eu>
To: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:39:59
Subject: Re: Cephalopod

I don’t know why I got this.

Please remove me from the distribution list.

Thank you,
Sheila

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From: Andy Henderson <seizurehj49@buescher-aktuell.de>,
To: Mohamed Aly mohamed.aly@dioxide.fr, Avram Avraham <aa-ham@sdcgwa.org>, ??????????? <chance@zaitaku.jp>, Dugan Alastair <sboglia@winthrop.au>, Jason Peoples <jasonpeep@bostonmanor.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:40:04
Subject: Re: SOPT IT!!!!! [Was: Re: Cephalopod]

u replied to all to tells us to not reply to all? nice.

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From: Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:40:15
Subject: IMPORTANT!! DO NOT REPLY TO ANY OF THE EMAIL THREADS!!!! [Was: Re: SOPT IT!!!!! [Was: Re: Cephalopod]]

[Moving everyone to BCC again]

Hey everybody, it’s Brett again. I guess my original message has spawned a couple of different threads. It’s really important that you DO NOT REPLY TO ALL to ANY OF THEM! Each Reply to All, to any of the threads, is going to everyone on the Internet, so it’s pretty important that we nip this in the bud early, as they say.

Thanks everyone. Hopefully this will be the last email you receive on this subject—fingers crossed! smile

Brett

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From: Lester Dailey <thedaileyplanet@retts.ao>
To: Andy Henderson <seizurehj49@buescher-aktuell.de>, Mohamed Aly mohamed.aly@dioxide.fr, Avram Avraham <aa-ham@sdcgwa.org>, ??????????? <chance@zaitaku.jp>, Dugan Alastair <sboglia@winthrop.au>, Jason Peoples <jasonpeep@bostonmanor.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:40:17
Subject: Re: SOPT IT!!!!! [Was: Re: Cephalopod]

YOU REPLIED TO ALL TOO SO STFU

On Fri, July 11 at 10:40, Andy Henderson < seizurehj49@buescher-aktuell.de> wrote:
> u replied to all to tells us to not reply to all? nice.

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From: Minerva Scruggs <m.scruggs_ax@t-online.tu>
To: Davoud Pierre <cheow0@xlt.tv>, Rosemarie Torres <rosemarie@bluedog.co.uk>, Isabelle Miller <hottyhotmama@wwwolf.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:40:18
Subject: Re: Whoops [Was: Re: Cephalopod]

Same here.

On Fri, July 11 at 10:39, Davoud Pierre <cheow0@xlt.tv> wrote:
> Me too

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From: ????????? ??????? <ahach@noyta.ru>
To: Minerva Scruggs <m.scruggs_ax@t-online.tu>, Davoud Pierre <cheow0@xlt.tv>, Rosemarie Torres <rosemarie@bluedog.co.uk>, Isabelle Miller <hottyhotmama@wwwolf.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:40:22
Subject: Re: Whoops [Was: Re: Cephalopod]

? ?????

On Fri, July 11 at 10:40, Minerva Scruggs < m.scruggs_ax@t-online.tu > wrote:
> Me too

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From: Darren Wei-Ning <dwn@lolspace.com.uk>
To: Lester Dailey <thedaileyplanet@retts.ao>, Andy Henderson <seizurehj49@buescher-aktuell.de>, Mohamed Aly mohamed.aly@dioxide.fr, Avram Avraham <aa-ham@sdcgwa.org>, ??????????? <chance@zaitaku.jp>, Dugan Alastair <sboglia@winthrop.au>, Jason Peoples <jasonpeep@bostonmanor.net>, Brett Shalks <bshalks@nsa.gov>, Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>, Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:40:29
Subject: ENOUGH!!! [Was: Re: SOPT IT!!!!! [Was: Re: Cephalopod]]

Everybody stop replyin to all you are driving me crazy!!

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From: Laura Cannon <l_cannon@ezmail.com>
To: Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:40:46
Subject: JEREMY POOPED IN THE POTTY! [Was: IMPORTANT!! DO NOT REPLY TO ANY OF THE EMAIL THREADS!!!! [Was: Re: SOPT IT!!!!! [Was: Re: Cephalopod]]]

HI EVERYONE! I SAW IN THE EMAIL THAT REPLY TO ALLS WERE GOING TO THE ENTIRE INTERNET AND I GUESS WE ARENT’ SUPPOSED TO DO THAT BUT IT JUST SEEMED EASIER TO SEND THIS OUT TOEVERYONE THEN TO TYPE OUT ALL THE EMAIL ADDRESSES OF EVERYONE WHO MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN THIS AND IF YOUR NOT INTERESTED YOU CAN JUST DDELETED IT RIGHT?

ANYWAY, AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, JEREMY HAS BEN HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE POTTY ESPECIALLY WITH THE NUMBER TWO. WELL I HAVE TWO GREAT NEWS!!! 1ST JEREMY POOPED IN THE POTTY!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! 2ND HIS MOTHER GOT THE WHOLE THING ON VIDEO FILM!!!!!!!!

GREAT JOB HEREMY! YOU ARE GRANDMAS LITTLE POTTTY CHAMPION!!!!!

Attachments:

Email Movie Iconjeremy_pooping.mpg (4.3 GB) [download]

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From: Elana Twanna <etwanna@whint.com>
To: Laura Cannon <l_cannon@ezmail.com>, Internet <all@cephalopod.gov>
Date: 11 July 2008 10:40:48
Subject: Re: JEREMY POOPED IN THE POTTY! [Was: IMPORTANT!! DO NOT REPLY TO ANY OF THE EMAIL THREADS!!!! [Was: Re: SOPT IT!!!!! [Was: Re: Cephalopod]]]

I do not wish to receive future notifications of Jeremy’s pooping. Thanks.

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From: Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>
To: Stacy Chao <schao@nsa.gov>, Alison Lloyd <alloyd@nsa.gov>, Internet <everyone@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 30 July 2008 15:02:54
Subject: Cephalopod status

Hello everyone. It was nice to see you all at Brett’s farewell party Friday.

Just to give you a status update: Cephalopod is still down. It’s going to take a while to rebuild the database and replace the fried servers. IT says it will probably be out of commission until mid-August, possibly even into September. If anyone was thinking of taking a vacation, now’s the time to do it.

Also, just a heads-up, we have permanently disabled all@cephalopod.gov. The new address is:

everyone@cephalopod.gov

And, obviously, that address is as top secret as the last one was supposed to be.

Thanks,
Paul

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From: Cathy Mutolo <cathym17@zipmail.com>
To: Alison Lloyd <alloyd@nsa.gov>, Internet <everyone@cephalopod.gov>, Brian Keane <bkeane@nsa.gov>, Stephen Hadley <shadley@whitehouse.gov>
Date: 30 July 2008 15:02:57
Subject: Re: Cephalopod Status

UNSUBSCRIBE

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From: Paul Brannon <pbrannon@nsa.gov>
To: Eric Verdich <everdich@nsa.gov>,
Date: 30 July 2008 15:03:17
Subject: Fw: Cephalopod status

Fucking autocomplete.

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