Setting: Several FINANCIAL REGULATORS and BANKERS are gathered around a parachute.
FINANCIAL REGULATOR: Now, everyone grab the edge of the parachute.
BANKER removes his jacket and grabs onto the edge of the rainbow parachute.
BANKER: Like this?
FINANCIAL REGULATOR: Exactly. Together, let’s lift it up very slowly.
BANKER: This is fun.
FINANCIAL REGULATOR: As long as everyone has a hold on the parachute, we can keep it in the air.
BANKER: What else can we do with it?
FINANCIAL REGULATOR: If we raise it higher, it goes over our heads like this.
BANKER removes his tie and lifts the parachute above his head.
BANKER: Neat.
FINANCIAL REGULATOR: And if we lower it quickly, we can feel the wind escape.
BANKER: I really like this. We have control over the parachute.
FINANCIAL REGULATOR: But only if we work together.
BANKER: What happens if we raise and lower it really, really, really fast like this?
BANKER’S cufflinks fling from his sleeves and hit the FINANCIAL REGULATOR in the face.
FINANCIAL REGULATOR: Stop! Stop! Stop!
BANKER: Woo-hoo!
The parachute tears and BANKER starts to cry.
FINANCIAL REGULATOR: Look what you’ve done. Your carelessness put a hole in it.
Setting: A NEWS REPORTER and several POLITICAL CANDIDATES stand at opposite ends of a basketball court.
REPORTER: Green light!
The POLITICAL CANDIDATES move forward.
REPORTER: Red light!
The POLITICAL CANDIDATES stop, some leaning to the right, others to the left.
REPORTER: You’re moving a little.
POLITICAL CANDIDATE No. 1: I am not. My stance is solid.
REPORTER: Fine. Green light!
The POLITICAL CANDIDATES run forward again.
REPORTER: Red light!
The POLITICAL CANDIDATES stop, some jostling slightly, others steadfast.
REPORTER: You’re out. You’re out. And, you’re out.
POLITICAL CANDIDATE No. 2: I’m not out. I haven’t moved.
REPORTER: I saw you quiver.
POLITICAL CANDIDATE No. 2: I’m allowed to quiver. I haven’t moved.
REPORTER: OK. Green light! Red light!
Political candidate No. 3 falls on the ground.
REPORTER: Now, you’re out.
POLITICAL CANDIDATE No. 3: That’s messed up. If you played fair, I would’ve won.
REPORTER: Well, I’ve also got these pictures of a certain candidate from a college Halloween party not too long ago. It looks like he’s wearing a—
POLITICAL CANDIDATE No. 3: I’m out! I’m out!
Setting: Five WRITERS and five MOVIE STUDIO EXECUTIVES face each other from the opposite sides of a gym. Five dodgeballs sit between them.
The WRITERS and MOVIE STUDIO EXECUTIVES run toward the dodgeballs.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 1: These writers are going to lose.
WRITER No. 1: Let’s make those studio executives cry.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 1 pummels WRITER No. 1 with a dodgeball.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 1: You’re out!
WRITER No. 1 departs the playing area.
WRITER No. 2: Hit them when they get close to our side.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 2: We’re not going to your side.
WRITER No. 2: You’ll regret that mid-season!
STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 2: We don’t need you. We’ve got—
WRITER No. 2 hits STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 2 in the head.
WRITER No. 2: You’re out!
STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 3: That was luck.
WRITER No. 2: Soon you’ll all be back on the sidelines.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 3 throws a dodgeball. WRITER No. 2 catches it.
WRITER No. 2: I caught it! You’re out too!
STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 3: That’s not in the rules.
WRITER No. 2: It is definitely in the rules.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 3: Pull out the rule book. It’s up for interpretation.
WRITER No. 2: There’s no interpretation. I caught it. You’re out.
STUDIO EXECUTIVE No. 3: Fine, but you’re still not getting internet royalties.
Setting: DOCTORS and PATIENTS are paired together in a gym.
PATIENT: I hate square dancing.
DOCTOR: It’s OK. I’ve got years of experience so I’m very good at it. Follow my lead and you’ll be fine.
DOCTOR grabs PATIENT’S hands and swings her around.
PATIENT: This is just not what I want to do today.
DOCTOR: Move your leg to the right like this.
DOCTOR moves his leg swiftly.
PATIENT: Like this?
PATIENT moves her leg timidly.
DOCTOR: No, like this.
PATIENT: Oh, are you sure? I was watching a video on the internet about how to square dance. It said you should—
DOCTOR: So, you’re an expert, then?
PATIENT: Well, no, but I did some research ahead of time.
DOCTOR: On the internet.
PATIENT: Right. There’s a lot of valuable information on the internet. I know how to do the bowler, the archer, and the shopping cart.
DOCTOR: What are those?
PATIENT: Dance moves!
PATIENT lets go of the DOCTOR’S hands and prepares to show him how to do “the shopping cart.”
DOCTOR: This is embarrassing.
PATIENT: You just don’t know how to let yourself go.
DOCTOR looks upon PATIENT with scorn.
DOCTOR: Stop this amateur behavior. If you already know what to do, why am I here?
PATIENT: OK, OK.
DOCTOR: If you’re going to be my partner, you have to dance how I want to dance.
PATIENT: But you don’t listen to me!
DOCTOR: You’re just not a good dancer, yet.
PATIENT walks away.
DOCTOR: What are you doing?
PATIENT: I’m going to find a second opinion.
