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Spoofs & Satire

Being Eddie Is Fun and Other Facts

The internet is flooded with lists of “fun facts,” but none of them are about fun itself.

The Wizard of O's, 2008, by Ryan Alexiev
Courtesy Allegra LaViola Gallery

Fun Is Wild

Elephants are the only animals incapable of experiencing fun. Giraffes, on the other hand, experience fun but will refuse to admit it.

Fun Foul

Brain cells are the strongest cells in the human body, capable of surviving a person’s entire lifetime, yet a fun cell can die the moment someone takes off his shirt.

Fun in the Arboretum

Oak trees don’t produce acorns until they are at least 50 years old. Anyone who knew that already is probably not considered a fun person to be around.

When Fun Is Something Else

It’s physically impossible to laugh your ass off, except in the case of Martin J. Hemple (39, of Glendale, Wis.), whose life will never be the same.

Red, White, and Fun

The United States consumes 25 percent of all the world’s energy, yet contributes only 24.7 percent of the world’s fun.

Work Is Less Fun for Some

Due to the Theory of Relativity, an astronaut traveling at the speed of light will have significantly less fun than a commuter stuck in traffic.

Fun Is Relative

In some Scandinavian countries, it’s believed that every time you have fun at another person’s expense, it takes 20 minutes off your life. But it’s worth it.

The Rarity of Fun

The most common name in the world is Mohommed. The most common name of a fun person is Eddie.

Fun on the Farm

A pig’s orgasm can last for half an hour. Being reincarnated as a pig would be fun.

Fun to Remember

On average, adults laugh 15 times a day, while children laugh up to 400 times a day. No one, however, laughs as much as a drunken Armenian.

The Bishop of Fun

The game of chess originated in 6th-century India, and was universally thought to be a fun way to pass the time. To this day, there are still over a dozen people who feel this way.

Fun for the Whole Family

You can burn up to 400 calories an hour if you’re having the right type of fun, or 250 calories an hour if you just like to watch others having fun.

Fun at Work

It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open, or have fun in the company of a regional sales manager.

If a Tree Has Fun in the Woods…

It takes 38 muscles to chuckle, 17 to smile, and only six to grin— yet when you see an old lady slip on some ice, it takes a full 102 muscles to hold back a belly laugh.

Put Faith in Fun

For 97.8 percent of the time, fun is fun.

Ralph Gamelli has been published in The Big Jewel, McSweeney’s, Monkeybicycle, and Yankee Pot Roast. This is the part where he’s supposed to put down some little joke, but as always he refuses to bow to societal expectations. More by Ralph Gamelli