The Morning News

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Currently: "I am old-fashioned and think that reading books is the most glorious pastime that humankind has yet devised." http://tmne.ws/14845
1 day ago

The Non-Expert

The New American Music

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week: The Fourth of July is here, so let’s get singing. But instead of Yankee-Doodling all over again, ANDREW WOMACK has some melodies that are still patriotic, more fun to sing, and that we can finally remember the words to.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Andrew Womack
Andrew Womack is a founding editor of The Morning News. He is always working on the next installment of the Albums of the Year series at TMN. You can and follow his Twitter updates here.
» Advertise on TMN via the Deck

TMN MERCH

If a Bird Can’t Fly It Walks

Sanguine and adhesive, our bumper sticker makes a swell gift for anyone who’s swearing off excuses in the new year.
» ORDER NOW
Have a question? Need some advice? Ignored by everyone else? Send us your questions via email. The Non-Expert handles all subjects and is updated on Fridays, and is written by a member of The Morning News staff.


* * *


Question: Every Fourth of July it’s the same old songs about America. But this year I want some new songs that people actually know the words to and might even look forward to singing. Any ideas? I’m hoping to bust these out at a family barbecue this year, so think fast. —Gina S.

Answer: It’s a delicate balance to strike—finding music that’s truly American (minus Mexico, Canada, and South America), yet still overflows with the patriotic overtones that will have you choked up during the final, dramatic movements of the fireworks show. Here, then, are some ideas for songs you may or may not already know the words to, and a little savvied up for those of you who bleed red, white, and blue, and who are not doing so because you’ve been eating too many popsicles.

“The President Song”

[Sung to the tune of that song by My Chemical Romance]

Washington and Adams and Jefferson and Madison!
Mon-roe! Adams (Adams? Adams… Quin-cy Adams!)
Jackson, Van Buren and Harrison and Tyler!
Polk, Taylor, Fillmore, and Pierce! (Here we go now!)

Buchanan and Lincoln and Johnson and Grant!
Hayes! [pause] Garfield! [pause] Arthur!
And then a-Cleve-a-land-uh-Harr-ison-a-Cleve-a-land! (Touch me!)
McKinley! Roosevelt! Taft! And Wilson!

[Begin breakdown]

Harding… and-ah Co-oo-uh-lidge… and-ah Hoover… and-ah Roosevelt…
Then it’s Truman, and Eisenhower, and JFK (what else do I have to say?)!

John-son! Nix-on! Fo-o-o-o-o-o-ord!
Then Carter, then Reagan, then Bush, and Clinton!
And… and… we start all over again…
Let’s go!

[Repeat from beginning.]

“Freedom’s Liberty is Waving Like a Flag Over the Land of the Free”

[Sung to the tune of “Stars and Stripes Forever” by John Philip Sousa]

Bah-da-na-da-da! Da-da-da-da-da-duh!
Crash! Crash! Crash! Crash!
Duh-nuh-nuuuh, Duh-nuh-nuuuh,
Brrrap Brrrap Brrrap Brrrap,
(Flutes!)
Dah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah (dah-dah!) nah-nah (duh-dah-duh!)
Dah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah (dah-dah!) nah-nah (duh-dah-duh!)

[Repeat to end of parade or heat rash, whichever comes first.]

The Third through Fifth Verses of “The Star-Spangled Banner”

[Lyrics by Francis Scott Key; here sung to the tune of Rush’s “Freewill,” music by Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson]

On the shore, dimly seen,
Thro’ the mist of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host,
In dread silence reposes.

What is that which the breeze,
O’er the tower steep,
As it fitfully blows,
Half-conceals, half-discloses?

Now it catches the gleam,
Of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected,
Now shines on the stream.

“America the Beautiful”

[Original lyrics by Katharine Lee Bates, melody by Samuel Ward, emphasis by horny 15-year-old emo boys from across our great nation]

“Spacious Skies”
“Amber Waves”
“Purple Mountain Majesties”
“Fruited Plain”

[snickering plus chorus]

“Beautiful Dream”
“Sees Beyond the Years”
“Alabaster Cities”
“Human Tears”

[thousand-yard stare plus chorus]

“Born in the U.S.A”

[Original lyrics by Bruce Springsteen]

Born down in a dead man’s town,
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground!
You end up like a dog that’s been beat too much,
Till you spend half your life just-a coverin’ up!

Born in the U.S.A!
I was born in the U.S.A!
I was born in the U.S.A!
Born in the U.S.A!

Got in a little hometown jam,
[redacted]
[redacted]
[redacted]

Born in the U.S.A!
I was born in the U.S.A!
I was born in the U.S.A!
Born in the U.S.A!

[redacted]
[redacted]
[redacted]
[redacted], [redacted]

[redacted]…
[redacted]…

Born in the U.S.A!
I was born in the U.S.A!
Born in the U.S.A!
I’m a [redacted] daddy in the U.S.A!
Born in the U.S.A!
Born in the U.S.A!
Born in the U.S.A!
I’m a cool rocking daddy in the U.S.A!

—Published July 1, 2005