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Saturday, November 21, 2009

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January 31, 2003

Two Observations While Grocery Shopping

1. Two police officers are riding the train with me between Union Square and 6th Avenue. I’m sitting down; one cop, standing next to me, keeps her radio on her belt, right next to me ear. While we’re waiting to leave the station, it squaks ‘Anonymous caller reports a bomb in the station.’ Crrrchchhch. There’s a long pause. I look up, but she doesn’t seem to have listened, or cared, and neither does anyone else. It goes off again: ‘Anonymous caller reports a bomb in the station…Crrrchchchhch…of the Empire State Building.’

Relieved, I resume scanning The Onion.



2. The butcher at Ottomanelli & Sons Meat Market, after selling me 3 lbs. of beef and a pound of venison sausages they make onsite and are relatively notorious for, asks me how old I am. ‘25,’ I say. ‘Why?’

‘Well, there’s some liquor in these sausages; I thought I’d have to card you.’

A few minutes later, Murray’s Cheese Shop is happy to sell me two illegal (raw milk) French cheeses (1, 2.) Union Square Wine & Spirits rings up three bottles of Barbera wine and never asks for my I.D.

My plan tonight is to get boozed up on sausages and wreck my grill into a bus full of children.


TODAY’S FEATURE

The Game of Love

Anyone who says video games shouldn’t appeal to adults, let alone women, has never flirted with General Carth Onassi. MARIE MUTSUKI MOCKETT explores a virtual courtship.

OUR MAN IN BOSTON

More From Gore Vidal

Like the man himself, Gore Vidal's scrapbook of the past half-century is unparalleled.

SOCKING STUFFERS

If a Bird Can’t Fly It Walks

Sanguine and adhesive, our bumper sticker makes a swell gift for anyone who’s swearing off excuses in the new year.
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TMN TALKS

RoseLee Goldberg

RoseLee Goldberg is an art historian, curator, and author of Performance Art: From Futurism to the Present. In 2004, she founded PERFORMA, a non-profit arts...