The Morning News

Sunday, September 7, 2008

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Headlines for Friday, March 31, 2006

New York’s currently: wanting to take this weather, put it on its johnson, and just start spinnin’ it around like a goddamn pinwheel… punch it in!

Cost of levee rebuilding in New Orleans triples, plans may be downgraded.

Earthquakes hit western Iran—Rice offers humanitarian aid, one day after suggesting sanctions.

Army says soldiers can’t have privately bought body armor, can have neck tattoos.

New study finds prayer for others has no effect.

Round 2 of the ToB! An incredibly unfair husband/wife matchup, judged by Jessa Crispin!

Don’t be alarmed if you see a mushroom cloud over Las Vegas.

Birth of the uncool—the 1977-82 DIY music scene.

Video: The Rolling Stones’ 1964 Rice Krispies commercial.

Jane Birkin drops Birkin bag.

Tomorrow is Opening Day in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park, and from now on it will never be winter again.

Time-lapse cherry blossom cam.

Pleasure boat capsizes off the coast of Bahrain, 57 die.

Chilling: MyDeathSpace.

Children import torture weapons to show British government how easy it can be.

Operation removes two fetuses from infant.

Rate of violence in Uganda three times that in Iraq.

American-bred moth threatens to eat up Beijing Olympics.

Video: Awesome robot wrestling.

Emotional social intelligence prosthetic to help the autistic, boring.

Sam Sam the Bubble Man breaks record for world’s largest soap bubble.

What do you want to do? Hunker down grampy style. Choose Your Own Choose Your Own Adventure.

Headlines for Thursday, March 30, 2006

New York’s currently: up with rb

Kidnapped journalist Jill Carroll has been freed.

U.N. Security Council send Iran a strongly worded letter, asks IAEA to report back in a month.

Experimental avian flu vaccine is 12 times the size of a standard flu vaccine. No word yet on the size of the needle.

Today in the Tournament of Books: The first round draws to a close as Whitney Pastorek makes the call between Kristin Allo and Ian McEwan!

Senators pass bill that will both regulate lobbyists and restore their constituents’ absolute trust.

Part two of how the Department of Defense has delayed a ban on an industrial solvent, even though it’s killing those exposed to it.

HBO filmmakers take credit for immigrant marches, even though it’s on cable.

Afghan Christian granted asylum in Italy.

Crime and Katrina: Houstonians say evacuees brought it with them, N.O. police say it’s surging back home.

For everyone who is afraid of their houses, there is a product.

Justice Scalia wants you to keep your Sicilian hand gestures straight.

Video: The three-year-old who crawled into a claw machine at Godfather’s Pizza.

Smart kids make dumb babies.

Gestalt of Gary Benchley, nouveau hipster parents, and Neal Pollack.

The Apple Corps/Apple Computer trial begins, and a lawyer downloads “Le Freak.”

It’s the time of year when NASA releases “artist’s conceptions” of hotels on the moon or grand expeditions to Mars.

First folio edition of Shakespeare plays will be auctioned this summer. And: Shakespeare got to get paid, son.

How many zeroes are in a billion? Not everyone agrees.

Headlines for Wednesday, March 29, 2006

New York’s currently: watching the wheels

White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card resigns, replaced by longtime Bush aide Joshua Bolten, a “policy geek” who also plays in a band called Deficit Attention Disorder.

[Bush] has also defined “the bolten” as a new unit of Washington measurement. It is the smallest staff change possible short of doing nothing at all.

Israeli election wins—Kadima coming in first, Labor second—mean support for continued West Bank withdrawal.

Today’s ToB action! Zadie Smith versus Uzodinma Iweala! Judged by Karl Iagnemma!

Proposed German citizenship exam for foreigners is so difficult that many believe German university students might not pass it.

Moussaoui offered to testify against himself in exchange for better prison conditions.

All of a sudden, my girlfriend got really interested in college basketball. My mom started calling for updates. I got a stomachache.

Total eclipse of the sun prompts tourists to flock to Africa, the rest of us to hum that song.

Nanny hit by truck on Upper East Side while trying to save choking baby.

European video game executive has trouble holding on to his exotic car collection.

Reagan Sec. of Defense Caspar Weinberger dies, age 88.

Putin is a plagiarist, as is a 10-year-old Dutch girl.

Grits are only as good as you make them, and here’s how to make them really well.

When the EPA wanted the Defense Department to curb use of a toxic chemical that was seeping into the nation’s water supplies, it prompted a legal battle, but no action.

Henry Rollins and Mark Twain are not so different.

“Remember, these people are on hold. The fewer words the better.” Coaching the actors who voice prerecorded telephone announcements.

Headlines for Tuesday, March 28, 2006

New York’s currently: engineering less often than reverse-engineering

Senate Judiciary Committee votes to legalize 11 million illegal immigrants.

Mexican towns emptied of working-age men and women; $20 billion sent home last year.

County testing wastewater to learn how many citizens are doing coke.

How to sell faux Yale over the phone.

Shiites say U.S. targeted their mosque and gunned down worshipers; U.S. claims a “highly successful” operation against insurgents.

Philadelphia Eagle arrested for dancin’, dancin’ in the street.

Only four out of 1.5 million people on espn.com predicted this year’s Final Four.

ML.A. produces map of 30 languages spoken around the U.S.

Neurologists suggest Judaism, Christianity, and Islam were products of altitude sickness.

Georgia may become first state to require teaching the Bible as a textbook. (Are school reading lists becoming too trendy?)

Bible comes in at number two after To Kill a Mockingbird as librarians’ must-read text.

Rachael Ray’s new magazine taken to task.

Today’s ToB action includes prog-rocker Nell James putting Nail Gaiman and Ali Smith in a box and shaking it!

Sudden hole in Brooklyn eats SUV.

Islamic couple, married for 11 years with three children, divorced after husband snores the magic word three times.

Second Haitian skull dump discovered—voodoo or political unrest?

Fun with YouTube: Leprechans, ninjas, CNN on fire.

Gentler cybersquatters now form relationships with someday-celebrities.

Pictorial atlas of the world. See also: a field guide to fascists.

Superheroes on the toilet.

Headlines for Monday, March 27, 2006

New York’s currently: toying with its meteorologists

Protests held across the U.S. in support of illegal immigrants, whose choice of residence may soon be a felony.

Illegal immigrants do the work other Americans won’t—and it’s no longer a question of wage.

Bomb inside U.S.-Iraq base in Mosul kills at least 40; its target may have been Iraqi army recruits.

Doctor admits to killing police officers under his care at a northern Iraq hospital.

In today’s Tournament of Books, it’s Cormac McCarthy versus Whitney Terrell, and judge Anthony Doerr is ready to issue swift justice!

The new bird-flu strategy: No stopping its spread, so don’t worry about killing birds, worry about making a vaccine.

Kosher cellphones, as well those that play Christian ringtones, meet the demands of the faithful.

Details revealed about the man believed responsible for Saturday’s house party murder in Seattle.

You want healthier bacon? Researchers now have a pig that makes its own Omega-3 fatty acids.

Sept. 11 victims’ families learn they’ll have access to their loved ones’ final audio.

New Orleans is about to have its first elections since Katrina, and many argue not enough residents have returned to make it valid.

Magic school inspires impoverished citizens in a South African shantytown.

Morgan Spurlock address high school, jokes about “retarded kids in the back wearing helmets”; retarded kids in the back then led out.

Duo wows basketball half-times with dozens of costume changes in just a few minutes.

Tony Blair says the U.S. can be a difficult friend, best imagined with Hugh Grant saying it.

NASA preps for Mars with a moon base, compares the project to a trailer hitch before a camping trip.

Fashions of the future not unisex jumpsuits.

Video: Baby Got Book.

Pooh-sticks make good sport for lazy people.

Headlines for Friday, March 24, 2006

New York’s currently: worshipping at the Temple

Iraq informed it can no longer rely on U.S. funding for rebuilding.

Representatives want to know why Bush needs so much money to build so many bases in Iraq.

Cheney’s tour rider asks for 68 degrees, Fox News, and caffeine-free Diet Sprite (though if his wife’s in town, make it Perrier).

Praising Condoleezza Rice with racial slurs doesn’t help you keep your job.

South Africa’s “culture of rape” under the spotlight while former deputy president goes on trial.

High Times not a gateway magazine to harder readings.

The U.S. does not “torture” people—but if it does, it’s considering not accepting evidence obtained during “torture.”

First pro-life monument to birth features nude Britney Spears on a bearskin rug.

1,280 people remain missing after Katrina, some by choice.

Red Cross investigating accusations of impropriety, even criminal behavior, among post-Katrina volunteers.

Op: Malign neglect is wrecking people from New Orleans.

Survey of Katrina evacuees finds most have burned through their savings and have no permanent place to live.

Work by Kara Walker finds new context post-Katrina.

How to build a food nerd’s apocalypse kit; how to preserve a snowflake.

Girl missing for ten years was only two miles away.

Today in the ToB: Home Land vs. The Historian, judged by Jessica Francis Kane.

Remembering Auden and what he believed.

Filmmaker follows Herzog’s advice to walk from Madrid to Kiev (see trailer).

Op: The French student protests are a question of dignity, not sense.

Request a workplace interruption.

Headlines for Thursday, March 23, 2006

New York’s currently: noticeably beard

Raid on house in Iraq frees Norman Kember and two other Christian peace workers.

Still reeling from last year’s financial losses, G.M. to offer buyouts to 113,000 union workers.

Sonia Gandhi resigns from Indian parliament over moonlighting allegations.

We’re no. 1: New Yorkers breathe the dirtiest air in the U.S., have a higher risk of cancer than anyone else.

Regular at Eisenberg’s Sandwich Shop in Manhattan saves his favorite lunch counter.

William McKinley: pancreatic necrosis, fatal gunshot wound, blood poisoning. A list of presidential ailments.

Supreme Court rules that police cannot enter a couple’s home without a warrant unless both partners present agree they can come in.

Coyote turns lovable scamp after a day of fun and frolicking throughout Central Park.

Is Unknown White Male a fraud?

Today in the ToB: Never Let Me Go vs. The Greatest Man in Cedar Hole, judged by Georgie Lewis

The attention deficit disorder drugs that you’re giving your kids may be making them hallucinate bugs and snakes.

Here’s to overpaying American doctors so they never go on strike.

The hip and fashionable give some serious thought to their beards, most likely whilst stroking them.

China to tax the 45 billion pair of disposable chopsticks used each year.

University of Memphis law professors want to ban laptops in the classroom.

Is the Times op-ed page overcompensating by publishing pro-life males?

Democrats fight back at Republicans, prep for elections by writing books, which will go straight to paperback.

Babies can learn two words in five minutes. What can you do?

He never becomes incoherent, though occasionally he seems confused. During interview, Pete Doherty does heroin, crack, and ecstasy.

Video: Apocalypse Pooh.

Headlines for Wednesday, March 22, 2006

New York’s currently: very sunny, very cold, very eager to see spring

Basque separatists ETA declare permanent ceasefire.

Political capital burns in Iraq, says Bush, plus troops will be there until 2009.

Conservatives gleeful that federal money—at least $157 million in grants—is finally funneling to their causes.

Until last week, Amazon’s search engine preferred “adoption” to “abortion.”

Christians mobilize “truth squads” to fight Da Vinci Code movie.

Robert Parker: whether wine’s best friend or worst enemy, he’s certainly having a bad two years.

Marine Corps deserter from 1968 caught two weeks ago.

Despite 20 years of anti-fume efforts, cancer risk for residents of Los Angeles is twice the national average.

Interview with photographer David Maisel.

People tend 2 project on2 U whatever they want 2 c. Prince has a new album, and a decorating lawsuit.

CNN should be held accountable for this headline.

Speaking of headlines: Japan harvests China’s organs.

How to harvest ice.

Sesame Street aims new DVDs at six-month-olds while pediatricians hold steady: no TV before age two.

Pre-pixelated clothes for reality TV shows.

How to configure 3,000 laptops in three days.

New Jersey deserves a monument to its rockers just because the state rocks so hard.

The story behind “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is not very happy.

Billy Joel used to teach poetry.

Explaining just how the Virginia Quarter Review got so good.

Call for rejection letters. See also, parallels between middle school and two terms of Bush.

Headlines for Tuesday, March 21, 2006

New York’s currently: desperately seeking summer

FBI agent testifies that his superiors’ lack of interest in Moussaoui’s terrorist connections was “criminally negligent.”

Everything in Iraq going according to strategy, claims Bush; Iraqis buy terrorism insurance.

Insurgents attack police station north of Baghdad, free dozens of prisoners.

U.S. intelligence believes Iran may have WMDs Al Qaeda leaders.

“Pandas are cute, but they are meant to destroy Taiwan’s psychological defenses.”

Bird flu evolves into two genetically distinct strains, doubling researchers’ work in looking for a vaccine. And: Increased testing means the virus may be detected in the U.S. sometime this year.

Cold War-era nuclear shelter found beneath Brooklyn Bridge; the crackers went bad long ago.

These days, when parents learn their kids are goths, they couldn’t be prouder.

Join the hunt for missing Buddha Boy.

Muslim scientists not only changed the world, they discovered it as well.

Video: Collection of Brokeback parodies.

Thirty years after the spat, Brian Eno rejoins Roxy Music.

What to make if you work in a McDonald’s and are sick of the food.

On the record, profanity is never professional—except when your employer expects you to do it.

If you have the time, the FCC’s indecency rulings make good reading [PDF].

Video: Jedi turntablism.

Will Sergeant of Echo & the Bunnymen didn’t care much for Donnie Darko.

Grapefruit juice increases many drugs’ potencies, researchers find “one Saturday night”; similarly, hand sanitizers work only if they have enough alcohol in them.

Map: Abbey Road.

Japanese tourists flock to D.C. to see… Japanese cherry blossoms.

Headlines for Monday, March 20, 2006

New York’s currently: crowing

Three years on, Bush and Cheney see success in Iraq, though Allawi says a civil war is underway.

Details of abuse from U.S. anti-terrorism unit, like inmates used as paintball targets.

Villepin indicates he won’t back down on labor law; unions say 1.5 million demonstrated Saturday.

Op: Patriarchy is the new black, everyone submit to father!

World War II’s conclusion delayed by pancake breakfast.

Michael Crichton: This essay breaks the law.

Speak Arabic? Feel like checking some Army translations?

Parkinson’s drugs may turn patients into obsessive gamblers, sex maniacs.

Screenplays by scientists, hoping to make biochemistry sexy on the big screen, evaluated by Hollywood pro.

TMN’s Choire Sicha lunches with Hugo Weaving, the man behind Vendetta’s mask.

South Dakota faces tourism boycott in wake of abortion ban.

Better editing would have put more space between “cleft palate” and “jaw drops.”

Books that changed the world.

The math behind multiple blades on your razor.

Sixty-four Tickle Me Elmo dolls turned into woman’s full-body-vibration coat.

New music magazine: Famous for 15mb. See also, smutty mp3s.

Enrollment’s up at Protestant seminaries, but pupils aren’t seeking the pulpit.

Art that disappears in the rain.

Douglas Coupland: Interviewing Morrissey pinpoints the bankruptcy of interviewing as a form of expression.

Headlines for Thursday, March 16, 2006

New York’s currently: trying to fill the dance card

Friday, March 17: Due to events beyond our control, there will be no headlines today. But check back Monday for a full serving, plus the Tournament of Books! And watch out, the ToB betting window closes Sunday night.

Netherlands-bound? First watch a woman sunbathe topless, plus two guys meadow-kiss.

Biggest benefit of ice swimming may be psychological, say researchers.

Poverty-stricken Africans receive desperately needed bibles.

Bush to remind the world preemption is still a useful tool. (See also: Odds on when we’ll bomb Iran.)

Call for MREs to be styled and shot.

Don’t believe the Times magazine—Mark Warner is not orange, and he doesn’t wear purple shirts.

Op: Good physics isn’t great when it comes to saving your soul.

Are you a scientist with luxuriant flowing hair? You’ve got a club.

Isaac Hayes quits South Park over scientology episode. (See also: Sex with Colin Farrell? $3 million.)

Jessica Simpson snubs Bush, though she’ll still lobby for cosmetic surgery for children born with deformities.

High Bridge Water Tower tour this weekend.

Staten Island hit by unseasonable and therefore suspicious brush fires.

700,000 New Yorkers are eligible for food stamps but not enrolled, leaving millions of federal bucks untouched.

The ToB starts Monday, so get in your bets now and help charity!

The 20 most important tools, plus duct tape.

Using the email “dash” to cut down on your addiction.

All violence against nature is stupid. You’re handsome like your daddy. Recorded Milosevic family phone conversations.

$58 million Portland jail takes no prisoners.

Difficult to prove Michael Jackson ripped you off when your wrote your songs in a past life.

New newspaper blogs: Comment is Free, Eric Asimov’s “The Pour.”

Possible reasons your short stories are reviewed poorly in workshop.

Headlines for Wednesday, March 15, 2006

New York’s currently: layering, de-layering, re-layering

Israeli forces invade Palestinian prison, seize six inmates wanted in the 2001 assassination of Israel’s tourism minister. (Photos of the raid.)

Please note: If you are ever a lawyer in a terrorism trial, don’t let your mother talk to reporters, lest she tell them that you probably weren’t listening to the judge.

Iranian president’s hardline approach not working so well, which isn’t working at all for his colleagues.

In continued violence, 86 men discovered strangled or shot in Baghdad.

Ambien users wake up with mouthfuls of food, wrecked kitchens, extra weight.

…Features a choice of loud tones, a flashing strobe, or vibrating pad… A list of the most annoying alarm clocks.

Mike Wallace announces his retirement from 60 Minutes this spring.

“Dog poop girl” exposes the trouble with shaming in South Korea.

The “good Nazi” who shielded more than 200,000 Chinese from Japanese troops at the onset of World War II.

Ms. Deaf Texas struck, killed by train, perhaps while text messaging.

The odds have been updated, children can be helped, books can be won, and the ToB is only five days away!

Neal Pollack finds pizza, Morrissey, and the backfiring of hip parenthood—all in about four seconds.

Why Matisyahu (a.k.a. Phish fanatic Matthew Miller of White Plains, N.Y.) is “the oldest act in the show-business book.”

File under “Easier than we thought.”

North Korea, the Musical.

Luna, the killer whale/reincarnated Indian chief, dies doing what he loved most—playing with boats.

Heads up to counterfeiters—no such thing as a billion-dollar bill.

And the middle finger? “I’m good for at least one a day,” Sotardi said. Man drives slow—really slow.

Bookmark guide to Dylan’s early ’60s Greenwich Village.

Jonathan Safran Foer’s brother wants to tell you all about how he won the U.S. Memory Championship.

The paper route.

Headlines for Tuesday, March 14, 2006

New York’s currently: number-lunching

Flubs dog Moussaoui case; judge considers sparing him the death penalty.

Iraqi police find more than 60 bodies in the last 24 hours; new parliament needed more than ever.

Britain cuts its troops in Iraq by 10 percent.

Iranian human rights activists say Bush’s democracy-promotion money is wasted, harmful.

Op: Purim for Iran’s Jews is a story of tragedy foretold.

Milosevic’s son says his father was murdered; toxicologist says it was part of a ploy.

Maintenance instructions for your $6,500 life-size silicone sex doll.

The hottest human-made thing ever, or, My Memoirs of My Geisha.

Odds have been updated for the ToB OTB, so get your bets in before Monday, help charity, and win great prizes!

Tar Heels and Dookies get number one seeds in women’s tournament.

Among meats he favors pork chops. Your favorite Met’s hobbies and interests.

Fearing litigation, colleges open minority scholarships and programs to white kids.

What should you do if your eyeball falls out?

Current, not future, applications of nanotechnology.

Kate Valk is back in the Wooster Group’s Emperor Jones.

O’Brien on Beckett: If Yeats sought the unattainable muse and Joyce the carnal muse, Beckett plumped for the anti-muse.

Schoolchildren effectively channel Beckett and Glass.

Musical minimalism deserves a retrospective—an overview explaining why.

Helsinki street fashion. See also, museum of bad album covers.

The religious affiliation of comic book characters.

Headlines for Monday, March 13, 2006

New York’s currently: in the future when all’s well

Autopsy shows Milosevic died of a heart attack—but what of the unprescribed drugs in his system?

Minutes before the announcement that Iraq’s parliament would reconvene, bomb attacks rip apart Sadr City markets.

Many closed doors in Washington, and many conversations about Iran within. And: Iran rejects Russian enrichment deal.

Attention art-types, Jack Handey has some ideas for paintings.

Feingold calls for Bush censure over eavesdropping. Answer: It’s not going to happen.

“I am what Harry Potter grew up into, and it’s not a pretty sight.” An interview with the pleasantly angry Alan Moore.

Beginning next week, MTA workers will have their pay docked for December strike.

They also want volunteers to read, which would be very Fahrenheit 451 of you: LibriVox offers free audiobooks from works in the public domain.

Venezuela gets a new flag, now with the horse heading left, not right.

Hedi Slimane used to stare at David Bowie album covers.

Nigerian government tells citizens they may experience “psychological discomfort” during the upcoming solar eclipse.

The anchor in Park Slope, Brooklyn, and the story that isn’t behind it.

Nasty strings force Pakistani ban on kite flying.

The allure of fancy grocery stores: It’s not about champagne tastes on a beer budget; it’s about pursuing beer tastes at champagne prices.

Forget Ritalin, treat ADHD with video games.

Predicting the Pulitzer nominees.

Mark Kurlansky on the one thing people ask him about oysters.

Why you need to buy a shredder today: The Torn-Up Credit Card Application.

Headlines for Friday, March 10, 2006

New York’s currently: Miami with this weather!

Goodbye Dubai—vague about what it means, but clear in what it says.

Guide to great alarm clocks.

State department owns up to U.S.’s failings in annual human rights report.

Has the Whitney found its savior in director Weinberg? Might “Day for Night” actually matter?

U.S. strikes nerve after blacklisting North Korean money-laundering bank.

How did 40 million Americans end up spending most of their time in tiny boxes?

Dozens trapped in candlelight vigil for coal miners.

Attention local Irish Catholics: Meat’s allowed on St. Patrick’s Day, but on Long Island you’ll pay a penance.

The Nation chases Harper’s over an AIDS-related cliff.

Odds have been updated for your ToB betting—all proceeds go to charity, and Powells might send you all the ToB’s books!

Google to pay advertisers $90 million for fraudulent clicks.

The internet isn’t complete without the most bad-ass cat ever. (You might want a video, too.)

Haruki Murakami odds and ends.

TMN’s Todd Levin is blogging from the U.S. Comedy Arts Festival.

Apple’s iTunes now sells monthly video packages, starting with The Daily Show.

Video: Car parallel-parks itself.

A personal world map, maps based on time rather than space, map of women who changed the world.

Why the recent SAT kerfluffle? Too much moisture.

Swimsuits declared optional on Saturn. See also: A pearl at dusk.

Le Corbusier. Sans vêtements.

Headlines for Thursday, March 9, 2006

New York’s currently: holding its breath until spring

Three college students arrested in Alabama church burnings, which were done as a “joke.”

Cigarette smoking numbers in U.S. plummet to levels not seen since 1951.

S.A.T. scanning errors in October resulted in incorrect scores for 4,000 students.

The NYC-Snapple deal that never reached fruition, and why Bloomberg says Snapple can cause gestational diabetes.

New MetroCard vending machines can take photos, detect explosives.

“Sous vide” style of slow poaching makes for more tender, more flavorful food, and—for now—is illegal in New York restaurants.

Official from Iraq Health Ministry claims a Shiite Party leader told him to wipe executions from the official body count.

Gunmen abduct 50 workers from Sunni-owned security company in Baghdad.

Mexico awards settlement to 13-year-old rape victim who was prevented from having an abortion.

Injured cheerleader worries her head injury may have distracted the team.

How to find the bad guy in a Mark Trail comic strip.

Former Texas Governor Ann Richards diagnosed with esophageal cancer.

Colleges use gourmet meals to bait prospective students.

For those with “slow” genes, you may want to hold off on that third cup of coffee.

Gallery and audio from “The Triumph of Man” exhibit at the 1964 World’s Fair.

Scientists say blind, furry lobster has a filtering system that may allow it to survive on bacteria, or possibly by eating shrimp.

Video game teaches you how to be a journalist; first lesson: Run from mobs.

Headlines for Wednesday, March 8, 2006

New York’s currently: no wiser, but more aleck-y

Twenty-three bodies—all men, most hanged—found dumped in Baghdad.

U.S. and Russia square shoulders against Iran, barely.

Not that Iran cares, suckers.

Patriot Act renewed, including new provisions for roving wiretaps and full records access.

House Republicans agree to allow vote that may scuttle Bush’s ports deal.

Scientists love mentally retarded Turkish family who can’t walk upright.

Military groups win access to sharks’ minds.

The Iron Fist of Freedom. Relevant and Ready. Viper Strikes and Healing Hands. Potential titles for a U.S. Army-sponsored novel.

Gordon Parks dies at 93, Ali Farka Toure at 67.

U.N. agency buys insurance against potential drought in Ethiopia.

Can we endorse it? Who knows?! But betting on the ToB may win you books and will definitely support a good cause.

Trash talking hurts the heart.

Best of NY: best lesbian bar, best collectible toys, best trompe l’oeil painter.

Manhattan building celebrates when its celebrities flee.

Smallest coolest apartment contest.

New York gyno-martyr has had 3,091 pelvic exams—all to train gentler doctors.

British woman can’t use frozen embryos without consent from sperm provider.

Britons watch more internet than television.

Caught shilling for Wal-Mart, bloggers get a bit defensive.

Headlines for Tuesday, March 7, 2006

New York’s currently: ironing its shorts

U.S. military to shape Iraqi police numbers by enforcing Sunni quotas, firing commanders who tolerate militias.

Chertoff: Dubai port deal would mean access to overseas business records, a potential treasure trove for Homeland Security officers.

Practically exception-free South Dakota abortion ban signed into law—let the legal battle begin.

Minnesota Twin and Hall of Famer Kirby Puckett dies at 45.

Some are wagering—charitably, of course—on the Tournament of Books outcome.

Reality show or inbox spam? British aristocrat to select an American heir for his $13 million estate.

While many hospitals are giving their menus a much-needed makeover, some make your stay so good you won’t want to leave.

iPod identifies jogger struck by car.

Former Serb leader on trial at War Crimes tribunal commits suicide.

Aural Times “sings the news so you don’t have to.”

“It’s not like he had Barbra Streisand or show tunes on.” Navigating the rough waters of “Brokeback” marriages.

Jon Fasman reading tomorrow night at the South Street Seaport Museum.

Video: Octopus duels.

The Ferrari was wrecked, by the Swedish playboy, who was racing a Mercedes, but there wasn’t a Mercedes, and he was drunk, and he was reloading his Glock.

Friedan, according to Greer, hogged the spotlight and admitted to being “a bad-tempered bitch.”

Researchers say humans and chimps have a natural inclination to be altruistic.

Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home and stop giving me a rash.

Mercury levels in tuna at some sushi restaurants declared “unsafe for anyone to eat.”

Superb aerial photographs of Chicago.

Video: Scratching cars.

Headlines for Monday, March 6, 2006

New York’s currently: preferring baby blue to royal

Iran and U.S. trade threats over today’s vote whether to send Iran’s nukes to the U.N. Security Council.

Two-thirds of Indians see Bush as “friend,” 72 percent say U.S. is a “bully.”

Parental notification laws haven’t produced sharp drop in abortions—can technology break the abortion stalemate?

Wal-Mart will stock emergency contraception Plan B, but won’t sell it if a pharmacist doesn’t want to.

BBC news headlines classified according to mood.

Investor designs his home to resemble Manhattan restaurants.

2006 Tournament of Books brackets and judges announced! Start your betting pools now—hot Rooster action begins in two weeks!

UNC grad plows into nine in Chapel Hill, allegedly to avenge maltreated Muslims.

Cosby declines to be interviewed while his lawyers attack Waxy to have “House of Cosbys” taken down.

Star maps measure Hollywood celebrities.

Mexican police use literature to create better cops.

Jerry Capeci on today’s mob versus the Sopranos mob.

Understanding why copy editors, understanding why blankets.

Costume designers hate the Oscars.

Boy didn’t kill his girlfriend with a peanut-butter kiss, says coroner.

Two-minute silence to commemorate terrorism victims not to be honored by head office, says British software firm.

New Haven characters get their own trading cards.

Whether the Simpsons unanimated or hardcore Natalie Portman, is YouTube doomed to become the next Napster?

Headlines for Friday, March 3, 2006

New York’s currently: over itself

Bush trots to India, strikes atomic fuel deal, chucks nuclear policy out the window.

White House lawyers argue that the McCain torture ban doesn’t apply to Guantanamo detainees.

Palestinian brewer marks Hamas victory with nonalcoholic beer.

The new reason for why you’re not paying off your credit cards.

New Orleans now: Devoid of black middle and upper classes, plus no cotillions for young black women.

Various fashion movies, for example Snoopy wearing Miu Miu, dancing to the Pet Shop Boys.

The actual Oscars red carpet is actually cared for.

What to do with your famous trophy—especially if it’s one of a dozen?

Gay porn adaptation The DaVinci Load to debut same day as Da Vinci Code hits theaters.

Married couple, whose wedding was suicide-bombed in a Jordan hotel lobby, looks back after four months.

Lunar power: stronger than wind, more consistent than solar.

In Vietnam, Gary Glitter sentenced to three years in jail for sexual molestation—Glitter holds that it’s a conspiracy.

Plants react defensively to Chanel No. 5; Tasmanian devils pass cancer through bites.

Downside: Will make you sad for the rest of your life. High-tech food reviewed.

Michael Chabon’s son believes the future is the world ending.

The Lit List asks you to highlight online fiction.

Video: Juggling to Abbey Road is a lot harder than it looks.

Boy adds gum to Frankenthaler.

Headlines for Thursday, March 2, 2006

New York’s currently: a long way from California

Car bomb in Karachi kills four, including American diplomat.

White House launches investigation of Dubai firm set to take over military components plants.

Vermont high school vocab test seems slightly political.

30 Iraqis killed yesterday, 20 police trainees captured by insurgents.

Oprah Winfrey—the human embodiment of Wal-Mart.

In the last year the Taliban has closed 200 schools and killed dozens of government officials.

Death comes as a surprise to prisoners on Japan’s death row.

Japanese pharmaceutical ads.

Saddam admits responsibility but not guilt.

Copy editor’s revenge takes form of unhyphenated word.

Killers and accused murderers with the middle name “Wayne.”

Writers contemplate different endings for the Sopranos finale.

Forty-three percent of résumés contain significant inaccuracies.

House votes 400 to zero to honor Tuskegee Airmen.

Google addicts insist they can quit anytime.

Tennis father on trial for drugging his sons’ competitors.

Living on a truly local diet—food produced within 100 miles—for a year can be tricky.

Calling New Yorkers: 18 days until Shake Shack reopens.

Fed sues New York for failing to replace its aging voting machines.

Being a surrealist makes it tough to go to the store.

Headlines for Wednesday, March 1, 2006

New York’s currently: addicted to Prilosec

Insurgency in Iraq swells again—75 killed Tuesday in bombings, 26 today, and Shiites are told to leave their homes, or be killed.

Gonzales drops hints that the Bush administration’s domestic spying may be more extensive than you thought.

Fresh Direct to install shared refrigerators in apartment buildings.

“Fully clothed” Anna Nicole Smith has her case heard by the Supreme Court.

After bird flu claims cat, feline owners told not to sleep in the same bed as their pets.

Op: There are no good alternatives to the U.S.-India nuclear agreement, but killing it means no one wins.

Restaurateurs explain why you won’t be seated until your full party has arrived.

A hospital investigated how a baby was sent to a laundry service. The week in news by TMN’s Paul Ford.

Google maps explore World War II sites: Bletchley Park, U.S. internment sites, etc.

Giant squid goes on display in London Natural History Museum.

Maybe you didn’t realize balloon hats are an international phenomenon.

1962 Playboy interview with anti-bigotry, anti-war, anti-cynicism Frank Sinatra.

Considering state failure, is Darfur a case for hiring mercenaries to intervene?

Video: How to be an effective supermarket checker, from Reader’s Digest.

Cowboy recipes for “Brokeback” night.

Before we balk at the iPod Hi-Fi, we should remember what was said when the original iPod was announced.

The geography of Seinfeld.

The no. 1 way to freak out your local convenience store clerk.

TODAY’S FEATURE

A Point-by-Point Evaluation of My Build-a-Bear Workshop Experience

If you could have any bear in the world—what would it look like? A mall visit poses tempting challenges, as FORTUNATO SALAZAR constructs an ursine fantasy.

DIGEST

City of Refuge

In his new novel, Tom Piazza vividly describes the few days before and after Hurricane Katrina wrought mayhem on New Orleans and the Gulf Coast.

Killed My Dog

The Personal Injury Files

Jason Gurley delves into a personal history of offenses, recorded with painstaking detail.

NEWSLETTER

Prize Lovers Apply Here

More addictive than heroin, more challenging than Sudoku: the TMN Map Quiz, delivered hot, fresh, and diabolical to your inbox every Friday.

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