The Morning News

Thursday, August 21, 2008

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Headlines for Tuesday, January 31, 2006

New York’s currently: getting on the bandwagon, picking up the handbook

E.U., U.S., U.N., and Russia will continue to aid the Palestinians as long as Hamas someday neuters itself.

Deal viewed as a compromise of views between black-and-white U.S. and hazy-gray Europeans.

Iraq’s national security advisor says foreign soldiers will probably fall below 100,000 before year’s end.

Gladwell: Study pit bulls, study terrorists.

You don’t get a clearer case of racial profiling than a conference of Gypsy detectives.

Marketers avoid saying “Super Bowl”—and paying millions—with a thousand synonyms, otherwise known as “ambush marketing.”

Free books! TMN is giving away 10 copies of Danny Gregory’s new book, and all you have to do to win is be MacGyver!

Mall near Washington Monument picked for National Museum of African American History and Culture.

Playwright Wendy Wasserstein dies at 55, aka Miss Colitis.

Sixty countries recommit themselves to helping Afghanistan as U.S. tries to shrug off some responsibility.

States consider banning protests at funerals after “God hates gays” church goes a bit too far.

Apparently God hates the Swedish royal family too.

Internet porn: a “tidal wave” that has swept over America’s children.

Homeless die at twice the rate of other New Yorkers, with AIDS and substance abuse claiming a third.

Loose shoelace destroys priceless vases.

Op: If there’s anyplace where the U.S. and Iran can find common interest, it’s in Iraq.

Given modern roof, experts puzzled by Polish hall collapse.

Journalists for some reason love Tab.

Podcast: Nature.

How to make your own belly bombs.

Headlines for Monday, January 30, 2006

New York’s currently: tracky bottoms tucked in socks

New laws may allow pharmacists and other health workers to deny care that contradicts their personal beliefs.

Threatened with withdrawal of western aid, Hamas says such a move would hurt Palestinian people, promises transparency in spending.

Sixty-seven die in roof collapse at convention center in Poland.

In Houston, finding non-biased jurors for the Enron trial is no easy task“I’ve tried ax murderers and I’ve never found the public as upset as this.”

Bob Woodruff and his ABC News cameraman are in stable condition following roadside attack outside of Baghdad.

Books announced for the 2006 Morning News Tournament of Books!

The new Arctic Monkeys album becomes the fastest selling debut album in British chart history, even if it is a bit overdone.

Of course, you could make the argument that someone should poison Anne Coulter’s creme brulee—but beware, it would only make her stronger.

Greenspan cleans out his desk, Bush throws best going-away party ever.

If fact checkers don’t kill non-fiction, then perhaps this $50 million lawsuit will.

The Prize: To the investigator who uncovers the best lies in the most memoirs, lunch at Michael’s with an actual book agent.

West Virginia schools to introduce Dance Dance Revolution into P.E. classes.

Italian PM swears off sex until after the April 9 general election.

The Topps trading card company has had a very difficult business relationship with Sept. 11.

Take this test to find out how biased you are. (How it works, and more about the creators here.)

First case of bird flu in Iraq confirmed.

Now this sounds like the place to get a casket in Brooklyn. And: Meet the gravediggers at Green-Wood Cemetery.

The Impeach Bush van.

The “Baloney Phone” and other office pranks, illustrated.

Over 500 reasons not to pass out in Germany.

Headlines for Friday, January 27, 2006

New York’s currently: forced occasionally to recover from the night before

With Hamas throne-ensconced, Israel’s likely to go unilateral.

U.S. and China agree Russia can control Iran’s nuke fuel, but Iran’s disappointed; U.S. and Iran agree to ban gay rights groups from U.N, and Iran’s thrilled.

More companies phasing out retirement option.

Any citizens not clear that lobbyists bought your representatives long ago?

Tunnel eight football fields long discovered connecting U.S. and Mexico.

The lamp was expensive. Mario cleans his weapon. Selections from reading primers used in Cuba.

Terrifying spokeschildren.

No one—no one—embarrasses Oprah (video here).

Earn $1000 if you can prove the first scene in James Frey’s My Friend Leonard is true.

Sanger: Alito’s testimony is no better than a fictionalized memoir, especially when it comes to Roe.

Bad landlords we have known.

Same amount of Americans who approve of Bush’s eavesdropping possess a favorable view of the Democrats.

How journalists cope when kidnapped.

When Janet Cardiff has a new installation, you are required to attend.

All the lost books you will never read (and all the existing Danish literature you’ve never heard of, now officially canonized).

Last day to recommend your Rooster picks!

Tracing primitivism from Mozart to the Sex Pistols.

No minimalist, Pete Doherty arrested twice in the same day for drugs.

London males. Aspiring Sophisticates. Babe-pulling young gentlemen. People the tobacco industry tried to reach in the late ’90s.

Hamburger cookbooks reviewed.

Headlines for Thursday, January 26, 2006

New York’s currently: unseasonably seasonal weather

Prime minister and cabinet resign as Hamas wins control of Palestinian parliament.

Terrorists strike Russian gas lines—bad news for Europe, which depends on Russia for a quarter of its natural gas.

MTA offers transit workers replacement contract without many of the agreed-upon provisions.

In a reversal of policy, U.S. plans to take spent nuclear fuel from other countries, reprocess it.

World Health Organization pegs Chinese AIDS cases at 650K, less than half what many previously estimated.

New study shows parents are more likely to be depressed than those without children. Related: How to build a harem through sorcery.

The answer to this question is: Why, who wouldn’t be?

Sex before public speaking makes for better oratory.

Manchester Easter procession to feature Bez as a disciple and “Love Will Tear Us Apart” sung by Jesus.

Nice archive of vintage magazine coversField and Stream, Boys’ Life, Bon Appetit, lots more.

EPA calls for elimination of chemical used in Teflon-making process, which “has contaminated the bloodstream of most Americans.”

Op: American hegemony sucks, except when it doesn’t.

Just one more day to nominate your favorite novels from 2005 in The Morning News Tournament of Books!

The Olympic torch is having a rough time getting to Turin.

Ask questions, answer others with Just Curious.

Stanford just one of a number of colleges to put free content on iTunes.

Stewie from The Family Guy to get own (online) talk show.

Google criticized for censoring Chinese results. And: Simple hug is fraught with symbolism.

This weekend: the Idiotarod.

Bowie’s original 1969 “Space Oddity” video has helpful labeling of primary characters.

Headlines for Wednesday, January 25, 2006

New York’s currently: well lit

Hamas projected to win a third of parliament’s seats; Snake makes friends with hampster rather than eating him.

Abbas: Better suited for running a Scandinavian country?

To fight terrorism, France has been spying on its citizens for years, and apparently it’s effective.

Why French people do get fat, and why McDonald’s is more popular in France than anywhere else in Europe.

Annan: There is little hope for Darfur at this point.

Kristof counts the world’s failures that allow genocide to continue in Sudan.

Sixty-two percent of college students say they’ve been sexually harrassed.

Paperwork saved before the Motown Records office was torn down; Martha Reeves moves on to politics.

Email spam technology used to predict Sundance hits.

Making the president look great with set design—an archive of Scott Sforza’s accomplishments.

Once it was about the movies, then it was about the celebrities, now Sundance is about the publicists.

How do you spot a rich Italian in New York? He brings his own bread to Le Bernadin.

Top 10 most endangered foods in America.

What are your three favorite novels from last year?

The extremely frightening Mike Jeffries, CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch, who finds your “cynicism” and “moodiness” unattractive.

Older people should waddle more.

TMN’s Paul Ford, plus Bob Powers and Todd Levin, tonight at “How To Kick People.”

With Disney’s purchase of Pixar, will the animators’ genius be diluted?

Movies reviewed by the city of Los Angeles.

Video: Remember when you knew Ghost World would be good?

Headlines for Tuesday, January 24, 2006

New York’s currently: asking how many candles you’re burning

Canadian Conservatives defeat Liberals in yesterday’s elections. Expat Americans in Toronto now swear they’re moving to Australia.

You don’t get 61 recorded instances of audience laughter by living in some weird, PR-obsessed White House bubble, that’s for sure.

As politicians distance themselves from lobbyists, restaurants sit unfilled, glory walls go unadorned, but purple neckties are still OK.

Soldier on trial for interrogation death gets reprimand, forfeits pay and leave.

More and more, Republicans are lawmaking behind closed doors—with no Democrats present.

Castro questions U.S. stance on human rights, wants electronic signs removed from embassy exterior.

Russia says Britain has been using a fake rock to spy on them.

Republican leaders in Ocean County, N.J., grant domestic partner benefits to county employees.

Nominate your favorite novels for the 2006 Morning News Tournament of Books. Deadline is this Friday!

LEGO homemaker sets—for girls, you understand.

Want to find out how much your novel could be worth? Punch in the title here.

Because we knew there had to be some out there: List of American words not used in Britain.

Lou Reed to moviemakers: “They’re all a bunch of whores.”

Turkish writer Orhan Pamuk’s case dropped.

Now that the Two Buck Chuck cometh to New York, here’s what you need to know about Trader Joe’s.

Any motion, anyone who moves in the zone, even if it’s a three-year-old, should be killed.

Parents of kidnapped penguin make replacement baby.

Still not as cool as a hoverboard: Dean Kamen unveils new device that distills urine into water.

Want to lose weight? Learn to lose flavor.

American Heart Association says soy won’t help your ticker; FDA says oh yes it does.

No mo lo?

Learn something every day: The way you’re supposed to peel bananas.

Headlines for Monday, January 23, 2006

New York’s currently: all rain and no winter

Twenty-nine percent increase in Iraq’s insurgent attacks in 2005, with 34,131 total.

The White House wants to sell you a secret surveillance program.

Relations between the U.S., Afghanistan, and Pakistan—and the joint anti-extremist efforts that rely on them—are now highly precarious.

What’s up with all the half-blind Muslim clerics?

Oprah sells books, Osama sells books. Oprah, Osama. Osama, Oprah.

The ramifications of attacking Iran, and other solutions to its quest for nukes.

U.S. 1, Somali pirates 0.

Exactly who are those shadowy foreign journalists who hand out the Golden Globes?

When Hollywood’s right: Trial lawyers concede a clever summation can turn a case around.

At Mali’s “Festival au Desert” the stage is dug out of the sand each year and everyone, including celebrities, eats the same freshly slaughtered lamb.

Bolivia’s first Indian president likens his rise to power to the end of apartheid in South Africa.

Obesity: a burden and a boon for the U.S. economy.

Wall Street doesn’t like seeing oil jump back to Katrina levels.

Pick your two favorite novels from 2005 for this year’s TOB!

If you’re a Ricky Gervais podcast fan, there’s a lot of old material to work through.

Op: College graduates are required to be active in political life and bear themselves well in the hurly-burly.

Wealthy people not only freeze themselves to avoid death, they also freeze their assets.

Video: Forget coffee, oh-ha instead (wtf).

Headlines for Friday, January 20, 2006

New York’s currently: trusting only Google for its porn searching needs

Bin Laden tape threatens new attacks against U.S., quotes opinion polls, offers truce to American people.

White House rejects truce, apparently forgetting it was offered to us, not them—yeesh.

Lengthy analysis from Justice Department shows domestic eavesdropping is absolutely legal.

Bush administration wants info from Google on America’s porn searching habits—Google says no.

Wilson Pickett—“In the Midnight Hour,” “Mustang Sally,” “Land of 1000 Dances”—dies, age 64.

David Foster Wallace on how to record footnotes.

Further evidence that, without a sex scandal, nobody cares what’s going on in Washington.

Republican National Committee to vote in opposition to Bush’s guest-worker policy—they don’t ever do this kind of thing, by the way.

Would France consider using nuclear weapons against terrorists? Hell oui.

Video: New Honda commercial pretty much like what would happen if that guy from Police Academy joined Rockapella. With equally unpleasant results.

When TV news won’t cover the stories they want, news stars head over to NPR.

Nominate your favorite novels for the 2006 Morning News Tournament of Books!

The real difference between men and women: Men love to see just deserts.

Video: Ever-growing collection of duo’s performances of Backstreet Boys covers in a Chinese men’s dorm.

Iceland is totally over gasoline.

Beer companies worried that nobody drinks beer anymore, cite liquor companies as “the enemy.”

Why, medically speaking, taking up cigarettes was a bad move for that woman who just received the face transplant.

Chinese nannies suddenly very popular for couples who hope for bilingual babies.

Edgar Allan Poe has a secret admirer.

Whoa, that’s heavy: “The most comprehensive guide to Back to the Future filming locations on the internet.”

Headlines for Thursday, January 19, 2006

New York’s currently: feeling a bit like an Amur tiger

Fifty killed yesterday in Iraq; 36 bodies found killed execution-style, many identified as police recruits.

The case for believing NSA whistle-blower Russ Tice.

For only $399 you can buy a lot of “inspiration” for your college application essay.

Thinking of moving to Brooklyn? Here’s a landlord you do not want to rent from.

Op: Latin American has two ways of turning left.

British defense attaché in Thailand goes berserk after one too many on the plane, tells fellow passengers North Korea is “untrustworthy.”

As protests become more common in China, so does the overwhelming force used to put them down.

Moscow zookeepers feed elephant vodka to keep him warm during cold wave; drunk elephant destroys heating radiator.

Greenpeace dumps dead whale on Japanese embassy’s doorstep.

Couple who planted a finger in Wendy’s chili receive combined 21 years in prison.

Suicide bombing no problem on public buses, but on a soccer field? Forget about it!

Supreme Court tells lower judges to reconsider barring an exception for medical emergencies in law that restricts teenagers’ access to abortion.

Once-a-day AIDS pill may be approved by the end of the year.

Serious screenwriting is serious business—but here’s the secret formula to make billions.

Take part in this year’s TOB by recommending your favorite novels from 2005!

Universities have the best pranks; architects just don’t come close.

Video: Apple meets The Postal Service.

Double your sex life by removing the TV from the bedroom.

Photographs for people who like to see cars get stuck, with bimbos; bimbo-less pictures also available.

Headlines for Wednesday, January 18, 2006

New York’s currently: up to its neck in whatever it was knee-deep in yesterday

Supreme Court upholds assisted suicide in Oregon—though it was an argument over drugs, not morals.

Reporter Jill Carroll’s captors threaten to kill her in three days.

Online phone records obtained under extremely false pretenses, including imitating the speech-impaired.

Hospitals and treatment facilities across the country strained by number of meth cases.

Republicans propose new laws to shake its rep as the party for lobbyists gone wild; however, if there are bikinis and yachts at the same time as a campaign contribution, so be it.

> INVADE IRAQ; You are not able to do that, yet. Presidency as text adventure.

Shatner news: Sells kidney stone for charity, sings “Rocket Man” at ‘78 awards show (video), serves as point of reference.

People have begun to speak of impeaching President George W. Bush. As a former member of Congress who sat on the House Judiciary Committee during the impeachment proceedings against President Richard Nixon, I believe they are right to do so.

“Dirty,” “Heart,” “Magnolia”: The most common words in SXSW band names.

You don’t know hell until you’ve worked customer service there.

How to come to terms with feeling ugly—in five easy steps.

Gallery: Celebrity contestants on the Match Game.

Corvette stolen in 1969 returned to totally stoked owner.

Life imitates sitcom as woman is busted for infidelity by a talking parrot.

It’s a blockbuster, and the E.U. is the hero… no, it’s not real. And: Everything you need to know about my new movie.

No cannibalism in the U.S.—only dominatrixes accused of dismembering clients.

Dissent: Gay rights groups plan to crash White House Easter egg roll.

Concentrate with Arthur and George.

Rappers’ grills, now available for readers.

The vodka box.

Headlines for Tuesday, January 17, 2006

New York’s currently: cock-a-doodling

Russia and China agree Iran should “fully suspend” its nukes, though Security Council support is lacking (see current sum-up).

Notes from King’s march to Montgomery.

Aside from brute strength, military researchers find women are just as good as men at handling intense exercise and decompression sickness.

Babies born in winter: bigger, brighter, and more pessimistic.

Why car chases happen more often in L.A., why they’re televised so often, and what can be done to shorten them.

Rhode Island becomes 11th state to legalize medicinal marijuana, and 11th state to avoid explaining how patients can buy their weed.

Web readers judge sites in one twentieth of a second.

TMN announces 2006 Tournament of Books! Your help needed in readying the Rooster!

Number of the FBI’s Top Ten Most Wanted Fugitives Born in NYC: 3. Facts and figures related to New York.

Proof that Bloomberg’s accent has lost its Bahston roots.

Want free publicity, Gotham-style? Don’t name your cookie shop.

The Times may have a remarkably popular mac-and-cheese recipe, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

All are invited to drop their pants this weekend in New York, but whatever you do, don’t jump.

The big question: are baseball stats history to be quoted or property to be sold?

Psychologist sits down with Tracey Emin—and no, that’s not the start of a joke.

Dubious report says hot sex beats common cold. Does that mean Hikikomori have more colds than others?

Reminiscent of baby vomit. Explaining words commonly used to describe cheese.

Case continues for German cannibal who contends he was not a murderer.

Good digital photography tips.

Headlines for Friday, January 13, 2006

New York’s currently: packed with people who funk and knit at the same time

Please note: TMN is moving to a new server, so no new feature until Tuesday, and there may be some funk today and over the weekend. Thank you.

U.S. and Europe agree to refer Iran to the U.N. Security Council; Russia won’t interfere, for now.

Iran acknowledges steps toward hardball, threatens to halt site inspections.

Stampede to Mecca kills 345why is the hajj so dangerous?

300 millionth American about to be conceived.

Former junkie Seth Mnookin crunches James Frey’s clichés, what the Star Tribune knew in 2003.

Do author photos improve or sully the reading experience, especially when the author isn’t as hot as Mark Strand?

How to strategically plan your sick days for 2006.

2005: A crappy year for female actors in Hollywood, but a great year for managers.

Morning grogginess just as bad as morning drunkiness.

Not much surprise in Washington that 69-year-old Marion Barry still does coke.

Participatory journalism with the Rolling Stones.

The editorial side of New York’s publishing world is very very white.

Like a ribbon of shame. Similes used recently in the press to describe legislative districts.

New Jersey has a new slogan because “when it comes to its image, New Jersey really cares.”

Taiwan—not New Jersey—produces completely fluorescent green pigs.

Norway to store seeds from all the world’s crops in an Arctic vault for post-apocalyptic farming.

Photo booth pictures of drunk Californians, who apparently aren’t genetically inclined to eat each other.

204 intriguing ground meat recipes.

Headlines for Thursday, January 12, 2006

New York’s currently: eating at its desk

Right when many curled up and asked to be waked up when it’s over, Alito drops bombshells at confirmation hearings.

Shiite leader says Sunnis won’t have the right to change the new constitution. Did angers flare? Indeed they did.

Seven-year-old Brooklyn girl discovered dead in “the worst child abuse case in a decade.”

Frey says he made up parts of Pieces, Doubleday says no big deal, but still offers refunds to customers who bought the book. Update: Oh no they’re not.

And most importantly: Oprah still loves him.

How the city with the best bread in Italy closed a McDonald’s—without really trying.

Merge, Saddle Creek records to offer vinyl customers free mp3 downloads.

Strawberries, yes; seafood, no: When you should buy organic and when it really doesn’t matter.

When rock stars become poets—it’s a natural progression.

Gallery: WMFU station manager Ken’s collection of velvet paintings.

Robert Fripp records sounds for the new version Windows.

According to Google, people in the world are known for…

School board member claims principal resigned after failing to know secret fraternity handshake.

The museum of black superheroes.

We’re really in trouble when it turns out forests are contributing to global warming.

Trouble part II: Global warming causes the spread of a fungus that is killing off frogs.

Photos: Hip-hop stars, before they were famous.

Arizona judge comes down on the fetus in carpool lane matter.

Eating at your desk is still unsanitary and anti-social.

Headlines for Wednesday, January 11, 2006

New York’s currently: not always proud, but at least always fed

How many times have we written this headline? Iran gets back to its nukes and tells the West to bug off.

Those who would be DeLay have DeLay-ed before: sailing with lobbyists, selling out to lobbyists, etc.

Bush may have chummed up to McCain for the press, but his plan is to ignore the torture ban and make sure prisoners can’t complain.

Alito talks much and says nothing, just like the blabbermouth Senators.

France orders man to thaw out his dead parents; His secret might have been safer in Ohio.

Do not marry someone that you don’t know. Children describe what they learned from recent children’s films.

Scientists agree with teenagers: starting school at seven a.m. is inhumane.

According to academics, “material text” is being rediscovered.

When 94 percent of freshmen at a major university use Facebook, it’s time for a white paper.

IRS froze 120,000 refunds last year on suspicion of fraud without telling anyone.

Op: The compassionate conservative’s rally cry to stop factory farming.

New Yorkers gasp as the 2nd Ave Deli comes down; A bit softer is the sigh when they discover they’re suckers for chefs’ tricks.

Video: San Francisco done in Jell-O.

Pollution responsible for a surprisingly high rate of hermaphroditism in polar bears.

Man attempts to kill mouse in fire; mouse gets revenge by torching man’s house.

The gallery of regrettable food. Related: IPod-ready Levi’s.

Matthew Barney and Björk attempt to place a phone order with Ikea.

Headlines for Tuesday, January 10, 2006

New York’s currently: now absolutely sure the next person in line is always the last person in line

Alito confirmation hearings are off to a roaring start, with great political bombast and little public concern.

In Turkey, five more test positive for bird flu; and everyone’s looking to Alaska for the virus’s U.S. landfall.

Though danger is a part of the job, some mining operations choose to pay inspectors’ fines rather than provide safer working conditions.

Christian Science Monitor reporter kidnapped in Iraq; suicide bombers kill 18 near Interior Ministry in Baghdad.

Man who piloted the 2003 Staten Island ferry disaster sentenced to 18 months of jail time.

The Smoking Gun shows how James Frey told a million tiny lies.

After two decades of sex-selection tests in India, the country is missing at least 10 million girls.

You can’t find out how people are being audited by the IRS but you can find out who they called on their cell phones.

Married couples find happiness when they finally quit sleeping in the same bed.

Paging Capra: Cabbie builds fortune in Russian oil, buys $40 million mansion on Fifth Avenue.

Brokeback Mountain pulled from Utah screen.

Be a jock: Vitamin-enriched underwear from Australia, learn how to spit.

What central figure is common to both the Trojan War and “Web 2.0?” The first person to email us with the correct answer wins a free registration to the 2006 SXSW Interactive Festival. We’ve got a winner!

Hubble telescope shows that the North Star is not just one star.

Drunk five-year-old at Applebee’s.

The resemblance between Wham and the real-life brand Spam was purely intentional. Fake products from real movies.

And the jury is still out on Mozart’s skull.

Video: A tea commercial with everything.

Headlines for Monday, January 9, 2006

New York’s currently: feeling weird with somebody else’s words in its mouth

U.S. copter crash in Iraq kills 12.

Growing rapidly, diabetes claims 800,000 New Yorkers, now considered an epidemic.

Cheney retaining fluids.

Turkey considers smoking ban in a country where smokers include 60 percent of men, 20 percent of women, and 11.7 percent of schoolchildren.

Ten informed takes on Sharon, e.g., tragic O.J. Simpson figure, or revered like Thomas Jefferson.

Bubbling among evangelical Christians, “philo-Semitism,” or “Love those Jews!,” a concept Jews are wary about.

Evangelicals just wish Pat Robertson would shut up.

Guantánamo Bay hunger strikers are force-fed through tubes, says camp’s chief doctor.

Two Iron Age bog bodies, beheaded and dismembered, tastefully remembered.

Taping two pennies to your envelopes is discouraged.

Cinematic fantasies of disaster feel more flippant than ever. Anthony Lane on the year in film.

Walking tour of scuzzy downtown Manhattan, circa 1974-84.

New David Byrne radio stream.

Brownstones (listed by Corcoran) in Park Slope now average $3.35 million.

New Yorkers: in case you missed “Mulchfest,” you can recycle your Christmas tree until Saturday.

Father of LSD, which he calls his “problem child,” worries we’re losing touch with nature.

76-year-old performance artist arrested after attacking Duchamp’s “Fountain.”

Funniest food videos of the past year, and the 200 books that sold best.

Dedicated to DFW, how to kill a lobster.

The public JT Leroy officially unmasked, though the part of “writer” is still up for grabs.

Video: French maids explain how to video podcast.

Headlines for Friday, January 6, 2006

New York’s currently: ready to push the radiator out the window

130 Iraqis killed in suicide attacks on Thursday; Shiites want retribution, blame the U.S.

Pat Robertson doesn’t get shy about suggesting God had a hand in Sharon’s stroke.

If Sharon dies, who will lead the new centrist movement?

Abramoff money is being returned or redirected to charities in droves.

Third person dies in Turkey from bird flu.

How to ask for a better cappuccino from your local Starbucks.

Bush and former administration officials have pleasant photo op, unpleasant words.

Nobody buys music in southern California, where independent record stores are shuttering one after another.

Miners’ families receive final notes from their loved ones.

Proof that what you always knew was true: Cats are more evolved than us.

Discovering the 18-year-old Tony Blair: “I think we felt he copied Mick Jagger so brilliantly that he became Mick Jagger. His whole appearance, demeanor, and desire suggested he wanted to be a rock star.”

Sarah Hepola sits down with her parents to review the year’s most popular music.

The journal Science will retract a faked stem cell article.

Art corner: paintings of bicycles, Yngwie Malmsteen fan art.

Ways you can entrap those who might steal your copyrighted material.

The best in “outsider” music from 2005.

As a Christian I obviously love God, he’s brilliant… The very extraordinary Amazon reviews of Noel Hurley.

Many, many people on the internet say this is the best blonde joke ever—yes, many, many people say exactly that.

Sometimes all it takes is a look at a seriously bad tattoo to make you feel that much better about yourself.

Downloadable audio of some the world’s earliest recordings.

Headlines for Thursday, January 5, 2006

New York’s currently: preparing to leave the city for the woods to earn a plaque

Eighty killed today by suicide bombers in Iraq, the deadliest day since March, 2004; 50 killed yesterday.

Sharon underwent emergency brain surgery after an extensive stroke Wednesday night; current condition stable but heavily sedated.

Times depiction of chaos in Gaza gave this reader a migraine.

What will happen to those U.S.C championship T-shirts? They may be going to Haiti.

Bush sneaks past Senate to install Ellen Sauerbrey—his 2000 campaign’s state chairman—as emergency relief coordinator.

White House to give up $6,000 from Abramoff.

Cox: Abramoff is just the idiot we need to remember how slimy Washington really is.

With only 37 outlets, Ikea is somehow the 11th most popular restaurant chain in Germany.

Nature study finds an average of four errors per article in Wikipedia—and three per entry in the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

I could eat a knob at night. Karl Pilkington’s Wikipedia entry.

From 2000-2004, probably the most exciting trend was the increase in Brazilian butt lift surgeries, or the death of the record industry.

Seriously, was it only the black prisoners who wanted a peek at Reese Witherspoon?

Pete Townshend warns iPod users: don’t be deaf like me.

You can establish a series of punishments for failing to meet your writing goals. Tips for frustrated writers.

Popular Mechanics busts 9/11 conspiracy myths.

Manhattan’s syrup smell blamed, of course, on New Jersey.

In three years 70 million televisions will go dark when the industry switches to digital TV.

Supreme Court allows feds to try Jose Padilla in public court, but leaves his detention unjudged.

You’ll have to wait for the weekend before knowing if Mozart’s skull has been found.

Unusual aviation pictures.

Video: Parents put your biodata online, fearing you’ll date a white girl? Rap about it.

Headlines for Wednesday, January 4, 2006

New York’s currently: racking up store credit all over the place

Contrary to earlier reports, only one miner has survived the West Virginia mine explosion.

U.S. airstrike north of Baghdad kills family of 12.

Iran breaks European agreement, says it will resume uranium enrichment, or rather, it’s building a bomb.

Jack Abramoff pleads guilty to corruption charges, will name names, serve 10 years in the clink.

Somali government close to returning to Mogadishu.

Analysis shows that as things currently stand, the easiest thing may be to convert the Capitol into a minimum security prison.

In the event of a dirty bomb, the Homeland Security Department advises reoccupying contaminated areas over letting all that fuss impede everyday life.

Abramoff ran for student council president in 1972. Heading into a runoff election, he was disqualified for exceeding the spending limit.

Though digital projection may give new hope to movie theaters in the war against bootleggers, the real money is actually in the popcorn.

Swedish Pirate Party hopes to gain entry to Parliament on its platform of, well, piracy.

CNN advocates child exhibitionism in the pursuit of snow days.

New Yorkers: Meet your new City Council speaker, Christine Quinn, “the most powerful openly lesbian or gay official in the country.” And next: the world!

“The animals most like men,” the validity of life on Mars, and other scanned entries from a 1920s encyclopedia.

Volkswagen studies American drivers to build the perfect American car—which, as it turns out, has three wheels.

Willie Nelson gets better mileage when his car is running on vegetable oil.

Farmers find small cows make better pets, eating.

The long history of people doing dumb things near wild animals—and the subsequent maulings.

Study shows that as the price of alcohol goes up, the sale of cheaper—and substantially more—booze does too.

Video: Disturbing “stabilized” version of the Zapruder JFK assassination film.

The party in New York after the transmission of the first transatlantic cable was absolutely blinding.

Headlines for Tuesday, January 3, 2006

New York’s currently: iced over, snowed on, and sleeted

Thirteen West Virginia miners trapped 260 feet below ground; governor prays for a miracle.

German rescuers race to save survivors at a collapsed ice rink where 11 died.

Twenty-five percent of federal antiterrorism money will now be distributed based on risk.

Superfluous medical studies challenged when research continues long after answers are known.

Larry David won’t see Brokeback Mountain for fear it’ll turn him gay.

U.S. gradually handing insurgent-fighting over to NATO in Afghanistan; Afghans fear premature U.S. withdrawal, again.

Seattle Times discovers the newspaper industry’s new savior: horse sex.

Woman who married dolphin insists “it’s not a perverted thing…He’s the love of my life.”

Anti-Christian jeans sell big in Sweden.

Coming off two years of terrible PR, Putin bungles again, and even Germany wonders whether Russia can be trusted.

Because Israelis are so involved in politics, their most popular satire show, “A Wonderful Country,” has significant political relevance.

How to use your iPod Zepto.

Famous people who die between Christmas and New Year’s don’t get noticed.

One hundred things we didn’t know this time last year (e.g., one in 10 Europeans is allegedly conceived in an Ikea bed).

The past year in astronomy.

2005: An exceptionally cute year, but why is cuteness, rather than beauty, so desirable?

Mothers complain about Elmo toy asking their children if they want to die.

Tennessee to curb drunk driving with shame, forcing first-time offenders to wear vests saying “I am a Drunk Driver.”

South Carolina bars no longer pour liquor from airline bottles.

Living with a drunk rocker isn’t easy—and considering that every fan is a bartender, Pete Doherty may not make it to 27.

Profiles of professional competitive eaters.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Why Chuck Norris is the new David Hasselhoff.

This is not a game.

Headlines for Monday, January 2, 2006

New York’s currently: resolute, mf

White House won’t ask for more money to rebuild Iraq, suggesting the end of the $18.4 billion rebuilding effort.

Wildfires continue to blaze across Oklahoma and Texas.

Southern California besieged by heavy rainstorms as San Francisco starts to dry off, though thousands there are without power.

Half of Germany watches an English comedy sketch on New Year’s Eve that’s never been broadcast in the U.K. or U.S. (See video here.)

Publishers and agents reject en masse two Booker-prize winners submitted as first-time novels.

Small ads from U.K. newspapers.

Congress won’t touch the minimum wage, but states are raising it on their own. See: pro-wrestling attack techniques.

Pentagon contractor pays Sunni scholars for help with propaganda.

Iran rejects Russian gambit to enrich its uranium. Slightly related: Recordings of ice.

Opening a charming neighborhood coffee shop will bankrupt your family and ruin your marriage.

An increasing number of Americans were heating their homes with corn. The Harper’s yearly review.

In response to more women-only trains, Japanese male commuters insist they’re groping less than you think.

Receipts tallied for Alex Kuczynski, the Times’s critical shopper.

101 best restaurants in New York.

Video: Road rage with bumper cars.

2005’s top 50 music videos, and the best celebrity quotes.

Man who changed his name to KentuckyFriedCruelty.com still called “Chris” by his parents.

Web surf your first day back at work away.

TODAY’S FEATURE

Second Place is First to Lose

The current war between console makers is bloody, and sides must be chosen. Concluding his series on the video games that have formed him, TODD LEVIN looks to the next generation.

DIGEST

Engaging the Fans

Of Montreal have devised a marketing strategy to entice fans into buying (rather than stealing) digital downloads of their new album: offering specially designed merchandise with every purchase.

Royalty Check

Fame!

Clay Risen investigates three cases of skewed distinction: individuals renowned for one thing and completely unknown for another.

NEWSLETTER

Prize Lovers Apply Here

More addictive than heroin, more challenging than Sudoku: the TMN Map Quiz, delivered hot, fresh, and diabolical to your inbox every Friday.

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