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Headlines for 14 February 2006

New York’s currently: got too much VD in the first place

 U.S. and Israel plot ways to destabilize the Palestinian government so Abbas will call new elections.

 Mubarak breaks promise, postpones Egyptian elections for two years.

 White House press corps attacks McClellan over delayed shooting information (Cheney was put in charge of PR).

 Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari suspected of torching Alabama churches.

 Lacking lawyers, New Orleans may release 4,000 defendants.

 Two Pakistanis dead during cartoon protest.

 Conan O’Brien helps elect Finnish President; Finns insist O’Brien is their king.

 Pet psychic predicts Westminster winners based on size of dogs’ halos.

 Newspapers still depend on science journals, but they no longer necessarily trust them.

 How to make Garfield funny? Remove some thought balloons.

 What comes after once, twice, thrice? Oxford Dictionary FAQ.

 Need a Valentine? Try a crime-fighting orphan.

 Samuel Jackson: King of the grosses.

 One last chance to win yourself a free copy of Danny Gregory’s new book!

 You may enjoy seeing a caveman crushed by a dinosaur, but your brain still perceives it as threatening.

 Scientists debate whose fish is smaller.

 I’m crazy for you! Get it? Obsessive-compulsive valentines.

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