Published from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. weekdays, our headlines contain links to the most pressing, interesting, or odd stories and sites we find around the web.
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New York’s currently: a la luz de la aurora
ExxonMobil announces first-quarter earnings, is on track to break last year’s record profits.
Iran “does not give a damn” about today’s U.N. nuclear deadline.
Want to be a plagiarist? Enter the TMN “Sloppy Seconds With Opal Mehta” contest, starting today!
Aspiring authors, take note: There is no such thing as a photographic memory.
Murder by numbers in NYC—random killings are rare, though summers are bad.
The evidence speaks for itself: Superman is a dick.
Saudi Arabia takes one step forward by allowing women to work in mixed-sex lingerie stores, one step back by kicking out the men; the UAE is having issues too.
Oh say can you see—a la luz de la aurora? New take on the national anthem is set for Spanish-radio airwaves today.
Video of the Week: Ze Frank’s “The Show.”
Now you have to steal people’s brains instead of their passwords.
David Bowie is very disappointed in you—and he’s not the only one.
New York’s currently: about to completely unravel, possibly
FEMA yanks back housing benefits from thousands of hurricane evacuees.
FEMA is in shambles, beyond repair, and should be abolished, say Senate investigators.
Real Iranian leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, adds firmament to campaign of defiance.
Terrorism fantasies, now released in high-brow and low-brow versions.
Evidence uncovered of more than 1,000 secret CIA flights over Europe since 2001.
Welcome to the age of the “frozen scandal.”
Op: To get in step with the rest of the world, the U.S. should rely more on nuclear power, not less.
You have our permission to thump anyone who says they’re the “decider.”
Redbook reporter refuses to disclose source of recipe.
Budding poets, are you aware of “flarf”?
Quiz: Cookie or Playboy?
One way to upset the Vatican is to wrap a church in Da Vinci Code ads.
Africa in pictures: Architecture.
PEN podcasts, including this year’s New York festival.
Aging and damaged Spirit settles in for long winter of science studies.
TMN’s David Leite and the story of his difficult-to-classify super tongue.
Say beutter, instead of butter. I can take it. Shanna Compton’s ode to Jacques Pepin.
Vintage photos of celebrities flying on Air France.
The seasonal foods of spring—ramps and fiddleheads, etc.—are disappointing despite the hype.
Knowledge for Thirst, the review of juices and sodas, returns.
Video: George reviews grotty shirts.
New York’s currently: thanking you for this balloon mug filled with Tootsie Pops, not really meaning it
Fox News commentator Tony Snow to step in as new White House press secretary.
Jane Jacobs, savior of modern New York, dies at 89.
In video, Zarqawi shows his face, claims Bush is lying about military wins in Iraq.
“Not everybody will love you.” The trouble with traffic cops in Moscow: fake traffic jams and extortion.
The men who know the mysteries of oysters, burrata, Guinness.
In tall grass, look for horizontal lines that stand out against the vertical grass. How to see in the dark.
Questions for George Saunders—120 of them, actually.
Tonight at How to Kick People: Patrick Borelli, Sam Means.
CEOs who get a dollar a year; “I hate Secretaries Day.”
Men more wary of potential rivals when their partners are at their most fertile; man accused of rape for trying to sleep with the wrong woman.
“He seemed like a guy who cared a great deal about the quality of work he gets involved with.” Post-Freejack, mind you.
New Yorkers: no. 1 in clogged toilets.
New York’s currently: avoiding the doctor for another ten years
Third attack at a Sinai resort in two years kills 30 in Egypt.
“666” now points to the evils of marketing, not Satan.
101 films you need to see in order to talk wisely about movies.
Thirty books that deserve love, and 25 deserving public attention.
Were Bach’s six cello suites written by his second wife?
Thousands of Nepalis celebrate parliament win, but the Maoists aren’t budging.
Sadr won’t let Kirkuk go to the Kurds without a fight.
Third of Gitmo detainees to be released, fate of the rest unknown.
Batteries grown from viruses can store up to three times more energy than the traditional kind.
Homeless London woman lives in her car, blogs.
How to properly make Tuscan sausages.
Lord of the tourist trap sculptures, including Stonehenge.
Critics say government plan to quarantine bird-flu-infected flight passengers violates rights.
Profile of a pricey Halliburton flop.
University of Chicago porn, “not particularly hot”—perhaps better kept to the classroom?
“This American Life” moves to Showtime and New York.
Percentage change in the amount of housework done by women after they marry for the first time: +17.
Video: What happens when the entire company works in one room?
China tries mixed messages to tamp instability.
Snoring, or “fashionable” tattoos, will keep you out of the Chinese army.
Fifteen “fashionable” Brooklyn restaurants.
Now that music videos are “saleable content” pitched to tiny screens, budgets can be smaller.
Video: It’s about time middle-class white dudes had someone to rap for them.
New York’s currently: dreaming of square footage
Bin Laden tape exhorts Hamas, Sudan to make war with the West; Hamas, Sudan say no thanks.
On strapping ads to sheep—are cows and horses next?
Sixty-one-year-old man murdered in Brooklyn’s Prospect Park on Saturday afternoon.
The new debate on lethal injection—is the pain removed, or only masked?
Twenty years ago, the world’s worst nuclear disaster occurred at Chernobyl; photographs of what it’s like now.
A man who can detect songs most people don’t notice is a watchdog for music publishers.
Behind the technology of wah pedals.
Naval Academy tired of losing at croquet, brings in the big guns.
Video: “Dueling Banjos” tribute-of-sorts to hillbilly culture—many CBs on show.
The three Long Island brothers who are the last members of Adolf Hitler’s paternal bloodline.
Apparently giving up his former career as a bikini inspector, man poses as doctor, offers door-to-door breast exams—and locates two takers.
Spain may bid “adios” to the siesta.
New York’s currently: sometimes dream burdened, sometimes more chris burden-ed
China gives nothing solid during discussions with U.S., gets Falun Gong in the face.
A day of indignities for Chinese President Hu.
Despite shoot-to-kill curfew, thousands of Nepalese protesters return to the streets.
With Sistani pressure, Iraqi Prime Minister Jafari to step aside.
CIA “old guard” determined to undermine Bush?
Well-known militant gets senior security position in Hamas Palestinian government.
Can Duke lax photos’ timestamps be automatically trusted? Nope.
Satellite navigation drives U.K. cars into a ford (previously linked, but let’s get those “attributes” fixed).
Bids you weren’t able to make to witness an execution.
Op: The EU may promote democracy elsewhere, but at home it’s unable to uphold democratic standards.
Strike avoided, N.Y.C. doormen get tentative deal.
Nationwide raids snare 1,187 illegal immigrants.
Free coffee at some Starbucks today and this weekend.
New York Times says you’re happy to pay $14 for a chicken sandwich.
Shack Watchers needs your help making a Shake Shack social webcam.
Porn sets the technological pace for movie distribution.
Film critics’ private-screening days may be numbered.
More models mutilated! Crime scenes recreated!
The work of Stephen Wiltshire, autistic artist (featured in Oliver Sacks’s “Prodigies”).
Early reviews for Philip Roth’s new Everyman.
Men: Shop for wine like a woman.
In disagreement with scientists, FDA says “no sound scientific studies” support medical use of pot.
When you got stoned yesterday, you were actually saluting Hitler.
Videos: Brandon Hardesty’s terrific reenactments.
New York’s currently: trying hard to find something to complain about
Why the White House shake-up? Big win for Democrats in November will send Bush into a lame-duck presidency.
“Vengeance is never justice.” Families of Sept. 11 victims testify on behalf of Moussaoui.
FCC to begin largest payola inquiry since the 1960 congressional hearings.
Italy is pulling a Bush v. Gore.
Patently Silly has real patents—real weird patents; “Roo Poo and Other Wacky Products from Australia.”
Certain words, including “meta” and “subversive,” to be banned from the new Voice.
Video: One never knows when the homosexual is about.
Case of bubonic plague confirmed in Los Angeles—fleas are the likely culprit.
Emergency medical guides for your iPod.
I telephone the Church of Scientology’s headquarters at Saint Hill, claiming that I am concerned by my test results… A reporter’s view from inside the Church of Hubbard.
Graduate author can’t pay the rent—or afford a sandwich.
Woman survives carjacking, kidnapping, and being buried alive in a landfill.
Queen lunches with 99 Brits born April 12, 1926.
Why TMN’s Sarah Hepola shut down her blog. [Mp3 interview with her here.]
New issue of Blueeyes Magazine.
12. Wallace Shawn, 46. Leif Garrett, 79. Tom from MySpace. The 100 unsexiest men in the world.
New York’s currently: peachy
Only one major building project in Iraq is on schedule and within budget: the new American embassy.
U.K. surgeons say China harvests prisoners’ organs for transplant sales.
Bush worried that China’s “locking up” global oil supplies.
Bush replaces daughters with Chelsea Clinton.
Afghan insurgents shifting tactics to emulate Iraqi militants.
Video: Airport.
Obese doctors urge nation to eat three meals a day.
New Philips innovation could prevent you from changing the channel during commercials.
2006 Pulitzers announced, with no drama decision. See how the Pulitzer drama changed Rick Russo’s life.
Mafia boss’s encryption scheme is surprisingly easy to crack.
The Queen insists she’ll long live.
Op: Forget straight marriage vs. gay marriage—the U.S. should adopt the buddy system.
Chicago self-help bookstore may need assistance to stay in business.
Seventy people stranded when two Roosevelt Island tram cars stalled.
Op: Immigrants bring greatness, and Medicare payments, to America.
Japan’s Martha Stewart visits the U.S.; bento box design discussed.
Audio interviews with artisanal American cheesemakers.
The “middle mind” of Terry Gross, boomer critics, accidental buddhists, and Louise Erdich.
“Doom and gloom” headlines from the Evening Standard.
Family rebuffs FBI request for late columnist Jack Anderson’s classified files.
Video: Trampoline controls flame.
New York’s currently: about to leave the coat at home
On April 18, 1906, the “Great Quake” struck San Francisco.
Former Illinois governor George Ryan found guilty on all counts.
Eighty-three-year-old Japanese soldier turns up in the Ukraine.
Long Island man who had his neighbor’s cat euthanized is a regular at the animal shelter.
Software shows the shape of songs: Chopin, “Mazurka in F# Minor,” Bach, “Goldberg Variations,” Madonna, “Like A Prayer.”
CEOs say how you treat wait staff is a good indicator of character.
WhatACrappyPresent.com vs. Kids Go Crazy at Christmas (video).
A scientific explanation for why girls go wild—context is everything.
Man caught after two years of overriding traffic lights to get to work on time.
Jason Kottke joins TMN and others on the Deck—limited advertising opportunities are available through July.
Unlike Flintstone and Jetson, Bob the Builder is a total workaholic.
New York’s currently: trying hard not to seize, preferring to quell
Dozens of Taliban rebels killed; Dozens of Iraqi police still missing.
Iran pledges $50 million to Palestinian government.
Zawahiri’s visibility suggests he’s worried about losing leadership of the jihad movement.
Cuban physician can’t travel because the government says her brain belongs to the state.
Blog from a clinic in Botswana.
Kissinger: Rules for pre-emptive action should be defined.
Comparison of lives, Jewish and Arab, in Jerusalem.
African eel catfish visits land for snacks (see video).
Correlation found between eating fish and less murder.
Court says L.A. can’t arrest homeless for sidewalk-sleeping until it builds more shelters—to which $100 million will soon be applied.
Illegal immigrants pay taxes with hopes of citizenship someday.
Cabbie drives Ben Folds to the laundromat, later ends up on stage playing harmonica.
Muriel Spark dies at 88. (The story that made her famous.)
High school books wrong Jon Stewart for gala speech.
This is a great car. What does it run on? Fame juice. Fey on facing off against Sorkin.
$710 a month covers all your commune costs in Staten Island.
NYPD begins installing cameras around town.
The science behind electronic mapping, and why MapQuest isn’t always right.
Video: Fred Flintstone was a Winston man, apparently.
Gone hooping: Post-Rooster haze means we need a day off; see you on Monday!
New York’s currently: cock-a-hooping!
Iran won’t back down “even one iota”; U.S. says “it’s time for action.”
Sectarian violence sends thousands of Iraqi Shiites fleeing their homes.
Retired generals call for Rumsfeld to stand down.
Close final match in the 2006 Tournament of Books declares a winner—and the winner’s very proud!
MIT fraternity accused of robot hazing.
Analyzing rank TV talk about Duke lacrosse.
TMN’s Choire Sicha visits Jared Paul Stern while he directs press from his Catskills cottage.
With profound faith in our cause and our mission, now and forever! Letter from Hugo Chavez to Carlos the Jackal.
By ordering sushi you may be supporting the Moonies.
A short guide to eating several steaks a day in Argentina.
The Lee brothers’ solution to spring dinners: big meat.
Video: The meaning of Christmas, or why children no longer read books.
“Stupid” comics of yesteryear reviewed.
Terrorist networks use campuses to replace training camps.
ATF agents bust ninja leaving campus ninja/pirate event.
Missouri town’s generosity enjoyed by couple who never had sextuplets after all.
Online games rated for good experience.
Interview and history of Edward Gorey’s involvement with Mystery!
Michael Jackson may soon sell his Beatles songs to Sony.
Video: If you’re thinking of umpiring for a career, consider school.
New York’s currently: waiting for Mr. Jordan
Iran announces advance in uranium enrichment, assures the world that energy, not bombs, are the true goal; still, speculation on both sides abounds—as does political theater.
American military deaths in Iraq for April already outnumber those in all of March.
Italian PM Berlusconi refuses to concede defeat in election, wants recount or “grand alliance.”
Today in the ToB: Rosecrans Baldwin decides between Foer and Smith. Tomorrow: the Final Matchup!
Autopsy of NYPD detective who died in January reveals cause of death was Ground Zero cleanup.
Bombing at Sunni prayer service in Pakistan kills 56, prompts rioting.
Former state asylums across the country are being converted into upscale condos.
Tiger Woods sorry he’s a spaz.
Recipes: Cadbury Egg Cake, Vendetta’s Egg in a Basket.
Rapper Proof of D12 (and Eminem’s best man) shot to death at a club on Detroit’s Eight Mile Road.
Speaking of children: We hid some matzoh. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.
Headlines: “‘Breast Expert’ Accused of Smuggling”; “Jewish ‘Sex Commando’ Targets Israeli Porn Web Sites.”
Bausch & Lomb halts shipment of MoistureLoc contact-lens solution over fears of blinding eye fungus.
Woman, 82, ticketed for taking too long to cross the street.
Y’Allah, come on! Newly formed Muslim sorority looking for campus chapters.
Gallery: Ron Mueck’s sculptures.
Nine-year-old bullfighter should be killing them by the time he’s 11, provided he makes it to 11.
New York’s currently: hoping some kid and her friends are reading this, thinking, man, we can do better than that
Man believed to be Sicilian Mafia chief arrested after 40 years on the run.
Bush dismisses the report, but according to Hersh, war is very much in discussion to stop Tehran, and it could include nukes.
Considering the theories for war given Hersh’s bombshell.
Fallows: A military strike against Iran would be our worst option.
Iranian lawyer describes reading her own death sentence.
ABC puts some shows—e.g., Lost and Desperate Housewives—online for free.
A remarkable story of rehearing Mahler’s ninth and much more.
Video: Chaiyya Chaiyya.
Twenty-five percent of married Syrian women have been beaten.
Wal-Mart applies—for the fourth time—to open its own bank.
Day in the life of a New York coke dealer.
Profile of the Museum of Natural History’s diorama chief.
“Prius backlash” faces L.A. hybrid drivers going slow in the carpool lane.
Today in the ToB: Zombie-fun as Womack decides between Lipsyte and Smith!
Talking set design and graphic arts with Rachel Thomas.
Graphic sex gets Brokeback Mountain banned from Massachusetts prison.
Mailbag: Al Qaeda may not take Peck.
Video: Glass removed from doors, people seem confused.
New York’s currently: ruled by accountants
Hundreds of thousands march in cities across the U.S. to support immigration reform.
Chirac announces repeal of youth employment law.
Want to purchase a flash drive full of classified material? Visit an Afghan bazaar.
Iran refuses to follow daylight savings time, exasperates government workers, parents.
In today’s Tournament of Books it’s Dale Peck versus Ali Smith versus Ian McEwan!
When part of your religious expression is intolerance, it’s time to sue.
Psychological survey shows many New Yorkers are frequently distressed.
Many would rather not have a doorman; even doormen don’t want doormen.
High-tech graffiti in New York.
I’m actually working on a story now that is all product names. There’s not even a verb. George Saunders gets questioned.
It’s hard not to enlist when you live in Mississippi.
World Meteorological Organization retires storm names, including Katrina and Rita.
Video: Legendary Texas attorney Joe Jamail is legendary for a reason.
The Earth’s circumference is roughly 24,000 miles. That means that ‘N Sync’s digital girlfriend would be, at most, 4,000 miles away. Songs with mistakes in the lyrics.
Times dumbs down headlines for Google.
Britain’s Serious Organised Crime Agency steals Thundercats logo.
Monster rabbit terrorizes garden patches near Newcastle, England.
New York’s currently: displaying horsemen-approacheth symptoms
Ex-Cheney aide Libby claims Bush authorized the Plame leak.
Whether or not the president can “leak” classified information, he’s still a hypocrite.
Blast kills 13 outside Shiite shrine in Najaf, shatters ancient tombs.
Girls gone wild released back into civilization.
White House can order warrantless wiretaps, says Gonzales.
Gospel of Judas appears 1,700 years later, portrays famed betrayer as willing collaborator.
Bill Nye points out God’s scientific inaccuracies to some dismay.
EU halts aid payments to the Palestinian government.
Duke lacrosse jock emailed plans to kill and flay strippers.
New York Times changes it policy towards “scumbag,” no longer just a vulgarity for condom.
Late-night Senate clashes prevent passage of immigration bill.
Thirteen ways of seeing nature in Los Angeles.
New York City substitute teachers behaving inappropriately.
Ways New York music halls handle latecomers.
Today in the ToB: Brigid Hughes tackles Krauss and Lipsyte.
When TV cameramen lose the ball while covering golf tournaments, they fake it.
Post gossip reporter tried to extort hush money from billionaire.
Video: What happens when a man covered in microphones walks into a room covered with speakers?
New York’s currently: not at all what it was in the movies
Fossil discovered that may be the missing link between sea and land animals; Jesus walked on ice.
Immigration protests to be held in more than 60 U.S. cities on Monday.
In today’s Tournament of Books! The zombie round you weren’t expecting!
Department of Homeland Security’s deputy press secretary not keeping at least one 14-year-old safe.
All signs say George Bush wants to restart the arms race.
Giuliani to argue in favor of the death penalty for Moussaoui; why putting him to death is a terrible idea.
Bob Ross to live again in video game.
Big N.Y. Chinatown restaurant accused of snaking its waiters’ tips.
Dwight Gooden would rather be in jail than in temptation.
Claire Miccio responds to Anthony Doerr’s literary math.
Of course, I use the word “tickles” figuratively, since I feel absolutely nothing. Nihilist job résumé.
Man held as terrorism suspect for singing along to the Clash.
Sixty-foot-tall pyramid discovered under Mexico City.
Who eats matzoh if they’re not Jewish?
Dead malls; the towns that were lost to New York.
Soft drinks contain higher levels of benzene than is considered safe in drinking water.
Thirsty child ruins baby shower.
New York’s currently: resolute as often as it can afford to be
Massachusetts takes stab at nearly universal health coverage.
Despite Katrina, insurance companies saw record profits last year—executives call it a fluke.
Emphasis on abstinence and fidelity promotion stymying government AIDS plan.
Hussein charged with genocide; chaos and comedy as Saddam returns to court.
A military history of the ace of spades, so-called “death card.”
Former senior Sinn Fein member, and British spy, Denis Donaldson found shot dead.
Atlantic subscribers, see Matthew Teague’s “Double Blind” for more on Donaldson.
1950s CIA assassination manual.
The final match-up in Round Two of the ToB: Iweala vs. McEwan, judged by Adrienne Brodeur!
Rushdie’s new introduction to Midnight’s Children explains how the novel came about.
Number 12 show in the U.S. is number one in the world.
Reality-show family adviser Rabbi Shmuley Boteach explains what’s wrong with American families.
Does Katie Couric really deserve the press coverage of a missing white woman?
Want to buy real estate in New York? Maybe you should work for Condo Nast.
Trade group Prostitutes of New York hosts tax workshop.
Woman’s hair weave snares bullet in the Bronx.
Paperweight with a bullet inside explodes when teacher tries to squash a bug.
Quadriplegic will scale Swiss mountain with aid from climber in robot suit.
Malcolm Gladwell on the reasons we need to get by.
Video: The art of motion.
New York’s currently: chock full of broadcasters
Feeling “liberated,” Tom DeLay announces he’ll leave Congress and not seek reelection.
By bowing out now, DeLay can apply any leftover campaign cash to his legal bills.
Jury decides to permit death penalty for Moussaoui.
Today in the ToB: Maud Newton decides between Cormac McCarthy and Ali Smith.
Four thousand police deployed in Paris for latest protests (see Flickr cluster).
Recently overheard: Drugs help; busy bums; lazy players.
Nouveau prison cell design includes a royal blue line to encourage truthfulness.
Another year passes when web sites still can’t end with .xxx.
The private side of Schwarzenegger’s governing style includes peach schnapps.
Daytona says no to rowdy spring breakers; girls hoping to expose their chests go home disappointed.
College acceptances and denials are arriving, and parents just can’t handle the rejection.
Florida beats U.C.L.A. 73-57; Duke and Maryland women face off tonight.
Thirty-two U.S. military fatalities in Iraq last month, lowest monthly figure since early 2004.
The typographic April fool’s jokes you missed.
The history of the novel reflects a long confidence game.
Reflecting on Onanism, the only vital and original artistic movement in the world today.
The story of Onan the Vegetarian—raw-food maestro who became famous for subway flashing.
British barristers are sick of itchy wigs.
New York’s currently: avoiding the 4/5
Fifty killed in Iraq yesterday, including six Americans.
Today in the ToB: Never Let Me Go vs. Home Land, judged by Mark Sarvas.
Birkenstock suffers a Coke/Pepsi personality split.
Target quietly provides law enforcement services to the government.
Op: Australia’s deals with close neighbors will test its longer ties to the U.S. and U.K.
Jill Carroll arrives home safely, just in time to face the web’s ugly mob.
Argentinian president struggles to keep choice beef cheap for his constituents.
Convicted sex offender sleeps on his roof because his wife won’t kick the kids out of the bedroom.
Prostitution Exclusion Zone causes problems elsewhere.
Whereas: zimzim urallala zimzim. How Lawrence, Kansas proclaimed “International Dadaism Month.”
Fort Myers and London trade travel-safety put-downs.
Saunders: I’ve become a prude and I don’t like it, though I do like your stumpy lumpy hump.
Profile of a Muzak audio architect.
Apply chemistry—or at least a chemistry set—to your kitchen.