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Headlines for Tuesday, November 30, 2004

New York’s currently: the remains of the turkey

U.N. gives seal of approval to European nuclear deal with Iran; U.S. criticizes the move, but reserves the right to call for sanctions.

There is no more dangerous job in Iraq than being a police officer—but as unemployment soars, so does recruitment.

Outgoing Ukraine president supports a revote, while Ukrainian parliament considers a no-confidence motion in the government.

Powell’s noise about strained U.S.-Ukraine relations is followed by Bush’s silence.

Red Cross charges that the U.S. military, as well as some medical workers, engaged in tactics “tantamount to torture” at Guantánamo Bay.

Read transcripts, listen to excerpts of Kennedy calls to Mississippi Governor Barnett during the Ole Miss stand-off in 1962, and other White House tapes at American RadioWorks.

Look at Me has new old photos and a spanking new site.

The sun is shining outside, but it’s still raining: What do you call that? The answers vary.

How to manufacture a girl group.

Huge archive of movie trailers at Turner Classic Movies. [via coudal]

Criticizing critics’ book-of-the-year lists and trolling Connecticut for old writers’ homes.

Late on seeing this necessary reading: Anti-birth-control pharmacists refuse to fill prescriptions for the pill.

Gift ideas for the holidays! Exploding Dog’s new book, Amazing Rain; Cat and Girl’s Newtown Creek Sewage Processing Plant 2005 Calendar.

Disclaimer stickers for science textbooks.

See what the stars look like, wherever you are. (No walking outside necessary.)

Animated, with pirates of course: How to Kill a Mockingbird.

Headlines for Monday, November 29, 2004

New York’s currently: stuffed in all the wrong places

Ukraine continues to erupt over presidential election, with leaders outside Kiev threatening separatism.

Colombian drug lords pay big to play dress-up, anticipating government’s leniency for paramilitaries.

Study of elderly Californians finds moderate wine drinking and daily coffee consumption linked to longevity.

Veronica Khokhlova reports from Kiev on student passion. (See Khokhlova’s reports for TMN here.)

Conversations with truckers at the Days Inn in Red Oak, Texas.

Dan Netherland, two thousand and fifty pounds of concrete broken in 17.45 seconds. Record-holders have dinner together.

Backstage pass (for envious fundraisers) to planning Alvin Ailey’s winter gala, set to raise at least $2.5 million.

Cartoon saves children from dangerous Muslims. (See also the popular “If you believe in evolution instead of Jesus, you’ll end up in hell.”)

Kids who sang on Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” sue for royalties.

Got CDs? Donate them to hospitals for patients to enjoy.

George Saunders has a plan to save Iraq and Israel: Dispatch 300 million Americans, and some Canadian carpenters.

Observer celebrity critics pick books of the year (see also Part II).

Harley Spiller looks back on San Francisco’s Chinese nightclub heyday.

Advertiser fondly recalls recording Jason Robards for Pizza Hut, and other details on celebrity voice-overs.

Saudi Arabia bans public servants from opposing the government; rumble of approaching reforms gets louder.

Photos: New York as it’s changed in 61 years.

“Garagistes” win critical mouthfoam by producing great wines in their garages.

Headlines for Tuesday, November 23, 2004

New York’s currently: catorce!

Ukraine erupts after Kremlin favorite beats popular opposition leader amid signs of ballot fraud.

Women complain about more frequent pat-downs and secondary searches in airports.

Congress surprises White House by killing funding for new generation of nukes.

Chef Dan Barber (of New York’s Blue Hill) says preventing terror begins in the kitchen.

Marines target region just south of Baghdad, “death triangle” of Sunni Muslim insurgents and Shiites who want revenge.

Marlboro hosts secret cowboy adventure on Utah’s public lands for overseas smokers.

David Sedaris: Love is fearing abandonment and group sex. Jonathan Franzen: Love is made from Peanuts.

Israeli Army to investigate soldiers’ “trophy photos” of dead Palestinians.

Indiana company has more lawyers than employees to fight identity theft.

Gold investors like to pride themselves on being sober realists. Gold: the enduring bubble that could someday pop.

Edwidge Danticat’s uncle dies in Homeland Security’s care after his heart medication is confiscated—see moving NY remembrance.

Details from New York’s underground raw-milk scene.

Fight Anna Wintour and her advertisers with your grey sweatsuit!

Op: Isn’t it time to hold the Arab citizen in higher regard than the Arab leader?

Cheery recent Gotham stories in the Times diary.

Domino’s Doublemelt pizza reviewed by pizza fanatics.

Photo: Joshua Paul; Sue Parkhill-Web; Balanced rocks.

Headlines for Monday, November 22, 2004

New York’s currently: limbering up for the holidays

U.S. military says more troops are required in Iraq, and discovers houses in Fallujah where hostage killings were videotaped.

Paving a new Iraq: Nations forgive 80 percent of the country’s debt and Shiite leader wages a get-out-the-vote campaign for the January elections.

Bush meets with Mexican President Fox, reasserts intent to let immigrants attain guest-worker status.

Bush looked enormously pleased with himself. He was wearing the expression that some critics call a smirk, and his eyebrows shot up as if to wink at bystanders. Presidential lunging in Chile.

New Yorkers finally wonder about these Falun Gong protesters; while past coverage shows their cult status is up for grabs, their leader believes aliens live among us and that he can walk through walls and become invisible.

Satellite images and physically fit surveyors: How the U.N. counted the poppies in Afghanistan.

U.S. teen pregnancy rate drops, nobody can agree why, and everybody takes credit for it.

Thanksgiving is a time for family and friends… and kids going home to fix their parents’ computers.

Incredible photos of Tokyo sewers.

Hunter kills five, wounds three in argument over deer stand.

I am coming up with exciting new names for dog parts. The preservaline. The mysterious tenth leg. The zanzibar. The right about there. Critiquing the artwork at the 2004 Arizona State Fair.

Video clerk in Williamsburg attacked by werewolf, questions the effectiveness of silver bullets.

Following Malcolm Gladwell’s article about the role of plagiarism in art in which he writes that Nirvana swiped from Boston is an mp3 that compares the two songs, as well as proof the band knew how to play both songs.

Those who view Superman as a role model are less likely to help others.

“That line is typical of Lennon’s creations. This song is all about drugs.” And more meanings behind songs.

Headlines for Friday, November 19, 2004

New York’s currently: a great place to raise your children TO LIVE IN CONSTANT FEAR

Powell’s news on Iranian missiles stuns White House, Europeans; intel comes from single, unvetted source, not meant to be shared with allies.

Following Vioxx scandal, drug inspector says FDA can’t protect America from bad drugs.

Ukraine’s Sunday election to set region’s direction: aimed at Moscow, or pointing to Europe?

Hot and sneaky: Knopf will send you a free advance copy of Cast of Shadows, the first novel by TMN’s Kevin Guilfoile.

Fascinating interview with Israel’s chief interrogator, with details of psychological warfare.

NY Schools Chancellor says nine out of 10 city high schools are hellholes; cops bust Long Island gang responsible for breaking woman’s face with a turkey.

Afghan poppy cultivation hits country’s and world’s highest recorded levels.

Goats are deceitful and can hide just about anywhere. The Childhood Goat Trauma Foundation, for people who were scarred in petting zoos.

What the color of your stool says about your health.

Lily Tuck’s The News From Paraguay wins National Book Award.

Photos: Don Hong-Oai; Jona Frank; Chloe Potter; thank you junior bonner.

Speculation on delay in Iraq’s January elections.

The story of how a tiny L.A. boutique became the star of celebrity product placement.

In pictures: Truck extracting car from water rescued by other truck.

100 images of the moment.

Addictive star-counting game to help waste your Friday.

Headlines for Thursday, November 18, 2004

New York’s currently: stopping, collaborating, listening

As Fallujah residents emerge from hiding to find a city in ruins, the Marines say that without continued U.S. military presence, the insurgents will be back.

Kmart to buy Sears for $11 billion; even combined, the new company will still reach only 20 percent of Wal-Mart’s sales.

Still-Secretary of State Powell says he’s seen information that suggests Iran was looking into ways to deliver nuclear devices via missile.

House Republicans vote to change their own rules and allow Majority Leader Tom DeLay to retain his post even if indicted by a grand jury.

London graffiti artist Arofish travels, paints walls in Iraq, the West Bank, and Gaza. (Arofish’s site here.)

Fascinating: Listen to recordings of pre-Velvet Underground Lou Reed.

Apartments, offices, nightclubs that have extraordinarily significant cultural relevance: The portfolio of Factory Records’ interior designer Bill Kelly.

Video: Yee-ouch! Beware the dangers of deep-fat turkey fryers.

Play Mad Libs online. Related: George W. Bush and Tony Blair don’t use verbs.

For those moments when you know an overused metaphor would just kill: the Cliché Finder.

Gallery of historic maps of Rio de Janeiro. (scroll down a bit)

Video of girls from a North Korean high school: “We’re singing! We’re singing! But however… If someone attacks us there is no doubt about it, our soldiers will fight with power and spirit and they will never lose.”

New research says that long-distance running wasn’t just walking really really fast, but that it may have been a key force behind human evolution.

Video: Fox anchor falls into a verbal blooper, doesn’t recover.

The debate squad from the Manhattan Center makes the Bush-Kerry fracases look like a cakewalk.

Headlines for Wednesday, November 17, 2004

New York’s currently: sincerely high-fiving dude with “Kill Your Television” bumper sticker

U.S. and Iraqi troops race to retake Mosul, the first step in a counter-insurgency plan that will only get harder.

Condoleeza Rice picked to succeed Colin Powell as secretary of state.

Video of slain woman believed to show Margaret Hassan; Video of marine killing unarmed insurgent gets wide play on Arab TV.

I’m not a fighter, I’m a lover. But I want to have a sense of accomplishment. Interviews with New Yorkers who enlisted in the Army last week.

Chinese apology for errant nuclear sub said to mollify the Japanese.

Op: North Korea remains the least accessible, least understood, and potentially most dangerous of the world’s countries of concern.

Bureaucrats battle over CIA’s future with anonymous page-one leaks.

Video: The Beatles and Jay-Z mashed up once again, but this time John breakdances.

Interview with Smoosh, a sisters-singing act that opened for Pearl Jam, with a few of their songs.

History of the many times Atlantis has been discovered.

Using the internet and ranches: You can watch John Cleese goof solo (go here), or you can shoot animals with your mouse (go here).

Round-up of cooking magazines’ Thanksgiving issues finds oodles of dreck, bad advice, overrefined editors.

Very neurotic and tends to chew tobacco and spit in a cup while lecturing. Students review Professor David Foster Wallace.

Trial exposes spammers’ methods.

TMN’s Danny Gregory goes on a drawing trip to the Met.

Consider The Incredibles as an example of living in a spacey age of great design. [ via things ]

Video: Encode your angry emails with pleasant punctuation.

Headlines for Tuesday, November 16, 2004

New York’s currently: a holiday shopping extravaganza on every corner

Powell resigns as Secretary of State, Rice to replace him. Others from Cabinet will step down as well.

Shuffling the deck: With Powell’s moderate diplomacy out, and Rice’s unquestionable loyalty (yet questionable competency) in, Bush appears to have built a sturdier Cabinet, to whatever result.

And about the man who lit himself on fire outside the White House? He’s a Yemeni terror informant upset with his treatment by the FBI.

Game: Fun with U.S. geography quickly turns to addiction, but the fun kind.

Great white shark “as big as a helicopter” devours woman off South African beach.

William Safire shutters his column at the Times—though he’ll continue to write “On Language.”

Video: Cute girl sings cute song to cute children about kissing her (presumably cute) parents, plus adorable eggs.

With the election safely behind them, McCain slams Bush over environmental climate change.

Disasters between February 1873 and February 1874.

Classic: A short animated piece depicting the end of the world.

Children’s book, It’s Just a Plant, defends marijuana use… for adults, mind you.

Audio: Cheap Trick on The Simpsons, plus recordings of their 1998 live Heaven Tonight show. [via things]

More than 2,000 former soldiers called up for Iraq refuse through litigation or desertion.

The ladder theory of male-female relationships, and how to know who’s in your league and who’s not.

New mannequins feature larger bottoms; J. Lopez, B. Knowles, S. Mix-a-Lot credited.

A guide to New York restaurant Thanksgiving menus.

Headlines for Monday, November 15, 2004

New York’s currently: looking forward to a week of beautiful weather

Iran vows to freeze nuclear programs in exchange for avoiding U.N. sanctions, though Europeans are cautious about sealing the deal.

Reconstruction planned for devastated Fallouja, while violence flares around Iraq.

Hot water for Italy’s Berlusconi after he tried to build a secret boat tunnel into his Sardinian villa.

Anthony Lane explains where Peter Pan came from.

PLO leader Mahmoud Abbas unharmed after gunmen stormed Arafat’s mourning tent.

Scientist claims to find Atlantis off Cyprus.

Iris Chang, author of The Rape of Nanking, dies from self-inflicted gunshot—read 2003 interview with Robert Birnbaum.

Fascinating Malcolm Gladwell story tracing plagiarism and soul-stealing in the production of Frozen.

Uproar over this year’s National Book Awards castigates writers, who don’t seem too upset.

Large correspondence collection of letters responding to scammers’ emails offering millions.

70,000 estimated dead in ongoing Darfur massacres.

Travel & Leisure’s guide to best new American restaurants in 2004.

My relationship with Peel began sometime in early 1977. I was desperate. Pulp’s Jarvis Cocker remembers John Peel.

Putin slowly building ghost of Soviet Union through economic pressure.

Jonathan Franzen implores you to read more Alice Munro.

Caskets available at Costco.

Baseball-geek math for predicting who is the most likely pitcher to have thrown a no-hitter not to have thrown one.

Headlines for Friday, November 12, 2004

New York’s currently: an army of galoshes

Arafat’s body arrives in Cairo, four new Palestinian leaders are installed.

Jimmy Carter on Arafat’s life and legacy.

“They just keep coming at us.” As fierce fighting continues in Fallujah, insurgents take control of sections of Baghdad, as well as the once-stable Mosul.

Bodies of foreign fighters, executed by insurgents, discovered in Fallujah.

Amid violence, upheaval in Ivory Coast, 4,000 inmates escape from the nation’s largest prison.

Rumors of voting fraud, as speculated by bloggers, is getting serious attention even if its sources seem too easily dismissed.

Electronic sign at W. Fourth St. station claims pretty girls don’t ride the subway.

Christian evangelicals, who helped push Bush into a second term, show concern as they see the Republican party separating itself from the faith.

Musicplasma depicts the interstices of music and musicians.

Feeling down? Attract some compliments.

Fellowship 9/11: Michael Moore’s searing examination of the Aragorn administration’s actions in the wake of the tragic events at Helms Deep.

Fascinating: How to make a model of your city.

Editor and Punisher happily takes the New Yorker down a peg.

During the freeze on Tuesday and Wednesday nights, the regal Fortitude was swathed embarrassingly in a giant electric blanket. Saving the lions at the library.

OEDILF: The Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form.

Headlines for Thursday, November 11, 2004

New York’s currently: upped its cheeseburger index to five patties weekly

Arafat dies a statesman and a salesman, and successors wait in the wings while reporters wonder about buried treasure.

Troops control much of Fallujah “with the gloves off;” Smoking soldier seduces many U.S. newspapers.

Bush’s pick for attorney general (Gonzales) to provide excellent shield for Bush.

Doping scandal rocks Britain’s pigeon community—will Brooklyn be plagued as well?

22 killed around northern Iraq, prompting curfews in Mosul and Baiji.

Hemingway’s rotting house, and fishing tackle, caught between preservationists’ good will and Treasury Department’s Cuban policies.

New Murray’s Cheese Shop opens in Manhattan.

Since leaving the CIA, George Tenet has made over $500,000 for off-the-record speaking engagements.

Only in NY: What do you get when socialites become publicists? Exactly: socialists.

Education boom sees record number of Americans now studying in the Middle East.

101 ideas for 2005, including intelligent shoes and brand-name adjectives, though still no flying cars.

Thought of the Day, as provided by a cell phone and the London Tube.

Large doses of vitamin E may be harmful.

At some point today (perhaps) the Paris Review will make all of its interviews, ever, available online for free.

Prophecies predicting the end of the world before 2010.

They munch pastries and steak frites from breakfast cocktails to last call, and still they stay thin—another look at “The French Paradox.”

Very unsafe for work: Pictures of couple breaking known sex laws.

Headlines for Wednesday, November 10, 2004

New York’s currently: unseasonably arctic

Ashcroft and Evans resign from Bush cabinet. Their replacements are still in the works.

Marines say they now control an estimated 70 percent of Fallujah, but did the insurgency leaders leave before the attack began?

Sunni party withdraws from interim Iraqi government in boycott of the Fallujah assault.

At least two members of Iraq PM Allawi’s family kidnapped, beheading threatened.

Nader questions veracity of N.H. polling machines, demands recount. Spokesman: “Either it will allay people’s fears or it will open the door to looking at other states.”

Sudanese government approves Darfur no-fly zone, agrees to aid for the two million who have lost their homes in the violence. And: Sudan security attacks refugee camp twice in one week.

Bloomberg criticizes MTA for “bloated payrolls” and “out-of-control” spending, advises fare hike only as a last resort.

Amid increased threats and demonstrations, French nationals begin evacuating Ivory Coast.

Red-light special: It’s singles’ night at a Wal-Mart in Germany.

Man who served in Persian Gulf war sues Army over reactivation.

The Kevin F. Sherry Sweater Project: Kevin found all of his sweaters from the late ’80s. Here they are.

Mad Max Perkins, publishing executive, flexes his angst on the world of books.

TMN’s own Danny Gregory named one of the top 10 humor books of 2004 at Amazon!

New Yorkers: Buy a photo of your building from 1940.

She is a daughter of a Mexican migrant farm worker. She is a former prison guard and federal agent, a Democrat and a lesbian. Lupe Valdez is the sheriff-elect of Dallas County in Texas.

A magnificent collection of Saturday Night Live transcripts.

How travel guidebooks are lying to you.

Headlines for Tuesday, November 9, 2004

New York’s currently: still fighting for some peace of mind with all this noise, and still losing

10,000 U.S. troops and 1,000 Iraqis attack Fallujah, hoping to take control (with street fighting) from insurgents prepared for martyrdom.

Guantanamo trial halted after federal judge rules Bush brushed aside Geneva Conventions by not treating al Qaeda members as prisoners of war.

45 killed during insurgent attacks in Baquaba, Iraq.

Before Pavlov got a dog to drool at the ring of a bell, he taught his brother to drool with croutons.

Man behind many audio books requires a dictionary and a large glass of water.

You will need to turn left on debouching from I-95. Reporter joins William F. Buckley for Scotch and political reminiscences.

Alvin Ailey moves into country’s largest center dedicated to dance.

Iran hopes to censor its bloggers by hosting their web sites for free, following arrests of online journalists this summer (see arrests log here).

Recipes and timelines for surviving Thanksgiving.

Photos: Objects wrapped in brown packing tape.

Writers guide to the “Mary Sue,” that character whose perfection belies the author’s desire to be her.

Jon Lee Anderson on Bush’s chances for dissolving the insurgency in Iraq, providing a good follow-up to his discussion with Robert Birnbaum.

Books challenged in the U.S. this year for frightening content.

World’s largest collection of Who materials going for $5 million.

Good represents the reality of which God is the dream. Old but well-written article about religion in Iris Murdoch books.

The history behind the ubiquitous “Support Our Troops” car-ribbon magnet.

Jorn Barger’s underknown collection of romantic quotes from great literature.

16,000 toys applied to 45 square meters.

Headlines for Monday, November 8, 2004

New York’s currently: running or watching running

U.S. troops at the end of Fallujah, ready to begin new assault against insurgents; state of emergency called in most of Iraq, in anticipation of widespread violence.

After wiping out the country’s air force, French military deploys troops to Ivory Coast to quell anti-French mobs.

Rape victims in Sudan find little success with justice system, only ostracism.

Hendrik Ramaala, Paula Radcliffe win New York City Marathon.

France, Germany, and Britain have reached a tentative deal with Iran to freeze parts of its nuclear program.

Looking for historical parallels that could divine the future of the Democratic party.

Arafat’s wife opposes hospital visit from Palestinian officials, says they are trying to wrest control from her sick husband.

Despite speculation it was because of the Bush victory, nobody really knows why a Georgia man committed suicide at Ground Zero yesterday.

Health-class textbooks in Texas receive approval after publishers agree to put in that marriage is between a man and a woman.

Transcripts from the Salem witch trials.

Determine how “good” or “evil” a website or block of text is.

How to tie on your sumo-wrestler garb.

Fine, the movie’s good, but does Sideways know its wine?

An intellectual had been at a wedding reception. As he was leaving, he said, “I pray that you two keep getting married so well.” Excerpts from the fourth- or fifth-century’s The Laughter Lover, the oldest surviving joke book.

Photos of New York’s exquisite, and defunct, City Hall subway station.

Headlines for Friday, November 5, 2004

New York’s currently: siding with the lunatics on the subway

Yasser Arafat in a reversible coma; Prime Minister Qureia and his predecessor chosen to assume duties temporarily.

Karzai vows to keep drug dealers and militia men out of government, offers amnesty to Taliban loyalists, as long as they aren’t with al Qaeda.

Publisher of Modern Drunkard magazine often challenged to drink-offs.

Details from hospital outside Fallujah, where staff is being doubled to handle anticipated casualties.

I Am the Beast Six Six Six v. Michigan State Police. Cases heard this year in the U.S.

Soldiers to be tried for murder after “mercy killing” an Iraqi teenager wounded during a mistake attack that killed six of his fellow garbagemen.

Pictures of tired Japanese businessmen.

Map shows red states and blue states combine to make purple.

Director responsible for bus ads says he meant for New York teenagers to believe reading books will snag them blowjobs.

The Hidden Door Company offers elegant concealment solutions for home or office.

Americans are far more complicated and unpredictable than we understand them to be. International editorial reactions to Bush’s re-election.

Historic recipes delivered to your in-box.

Photos: “Roadside Ghosts” by Dave Anderson.

Indian farmers spray Coke, and other soft drinks, on crops to keep the bugs away.

Explore the history of ideas, e.g., The Problem of Evil or Double Truth.

Headlines for Thursday, November 4, 2004

New York’s currently: over it

“The world is not doing enough to protect us. We are so tired.” Sudanese soldiers destroy camp in Darfur, refugees plead for attention.

In an election so divisive, that pitted neighbor against neighbor, how do all of us finally heal? We have to, and it begins now.

Probably not a pyramid scheme: In order to raise money for new stadium, the Jets want you to buy the right to your seat now.

Troops say they were outnumbered by looters in their attempts to secure the explosives at Al Qaqaa, then they Googled “hexamine.”

Voter turnout in 2004 election at its highest since 1968.

Getting over the war with The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit.

New Swiss law condones production of absinthe.

World leaders send congratulations to Bush that sound like what they would have sent to Kerry or anybody else in any election.

Rape suspect appears on Blind Date; victim spots him and gets him nabbed.

A gallery of deft collages comprised of magazine cutouts.

A machine that can tie a necktie in 562 steps.

The Do’s and Don’ts of New York Times wedding announcements.

Photos from inside the Simpsons’ life-sized house in Nevada.

“Regret The Error reports on corrections, retractions, clarifications, and trends regarding accuracy and honesty in North American media.”

Canadians send expatriating Americans their best wishes, as well as their measurements.

Remember the 2004 campaigns? Here’s all those funny Bush and serious Kerry movie clips from back then that you can save and put in your drawer with all the Goldwater buttons and such.

A list of words that really are fun to say. (Really.)

Headlines for Wednesday, November 3, 2004

New York’s currently: proud of its citizens

Bush wins.

Republicans projected to hold the House and the Senate, with gubernatorials split between parties.

Number of Palestinians killed by the Israeli Army in October is a two-and-a-half year peak.

The breathtaking inside scoop on Karl Rove’s bloody maneuvers, often busy with accusing others of homosexuality.

Man fails to seize Governors Island for pirate community.

France employs Europe’s strictest anti-terrorism laws, with many tactics that would illegal in the U.S. (And here are the tools they use for cooking!)

Senate minority leader Tom Daschle loses to John Thune; Democrat Barack Obama fills Senate seat vacated by Republican Peter Fitzgerald.

Paris Hilton unfortunately still alive despite not voting after posing for “Vote or Die!” campaign.

Feel like expatriating with Alec Baldwin? Here’s how you bail.

American civilian, Nepalese man, at least two Arabs kidnapped in Iraq.

Ban on gay marriage won in all 11 states where it appeared.

Real names of hip-hop and R&B stars.

Op: Democrats need to focus in the future on the millions of country voters who voted, against their economic interests, for Republicans.

List of best WiFi-equipped hotels.

NY senator Chuck Schumer wins re-election with giant margin (see also other NY winners).

Lurking blood-sucking monkeys attack 300 children.

New York Democrats turn their eyes to 2006: Schumer or Spitzer?

Random: Brochures from theme parks; Work by rogue taxidermists from Minnesota.

Headlines for Tuesday, November 2, 2004

New York’s currently: decided

We the editors of The Morning News, in order to live in a more hopeful country, restore justice, pursue international tranquility, establish a relentless offense against an uncommon enemy, provide for better health care and more compassion, and promote the blessings of freedom to others while fiercely protecting them for ourselves, do endorse and favor this candidate for the president of the United States of America, John Kerry.

Today, if you possibly haven’t heard, is Election Day 2004. If you are a citizen of the United States of America, it is your remarkable privilege to elect your representatives in government. Let cynicism sleep until tomorrow—today we vote.

Headlines for Monday, November 1, 2004

New York’s currently: really really really really really really really ready to vote

Twenty-five Iraqi civilians dead, nine Marines killed, and nine Marines wounded in Iraq on Saturday, marking deadliest day for U.S. soldiers in six months.

15 top American officials (generals, admirals, etc.) describe current fears for Iraq’s stability.

Baghdad’s deputy governor killed in drive-by shooting.

The whiz-bang history of the Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, and kid detectives in publishing.

Halloween banned from schools after Wiccans complain of unflattering depictions of witches.

135 rescued after Circle Line boat began to sink during tour around Manhattan.

He’s not seeing me because I had a show on Comedy Central. That doesn’t mean anything to him. Amy Sedaris discusses her imaginary boyfriend of 12 years.

The scariest Halloween costumes you didn’t see this year.

Big article on Tom Wolfe, written Wolfe-like, barks with trivia but avoids any bite.

U.S. birthrate forecast exceeds all other industrialized nations’, nearly doubling Canada’s.

Short profile of Paul Giamatti, star of Sideways, who complains of too much flesh on his skull.

Photos: Kiran Master, Laura Letinsky.

PJ O’Rourke advocates invading Canada, reminds left-wing Europeans of Stalin’s capacity for disappointing them.

Iranian Parliament votes unanimously to resume uranium enrichment.

Man holding vast collection of Shostakovich recordings and manuscripts wants to sell, needs to pay rent.

NPR runs mock election-night broadcast, and Keyes beats Obama due to freak Illinois storm.

Movie monologues taken very seriously.

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