New York’s currently: freaked as hell to pick up a newspaper

 Giuliani plays softball with Sept. 11 commission (or, other way around) during second day of New School hearings.

 40 Iraqi civilians killed near Syrian border by U.S. troops gunning for smugglers, battles with Sadr’s Mahdi Army continue despite Sistani’s call for armed groups to leave Najaf.

 Army commanders in Kut hiring militia fighters to drop arms and build roller coasters.

 Jeremy Sivits sentenced to one year for role in abuse at Abu Ghraib, generals acknowledge systemic problems.

 Editorial: IDF’s moral values sunk by deaths of schoolchildren in Rafah. (Three dozen Palestinians killed in two days.)

 French politician vows to perform country’s first gay marriage.

 UN highlights 10 stories ‘the world should hear more about.’

 Fox News whups CNN in ratings, but only commands 75% of its ad rates.

 Slippery slope arguments about gay marriage are flaccid, though won’t half of all marriages slide to divorce lawyers?

 Asking for candy on Halloween was called trick-or-treating, but asking for candy on November first was called begging, and it made people uncomfortable. Excerpt from David Sedaris’s new collection.

 Do not miss: Simon McBurney’s jawbreaking Complicite mounts Haruki Murakami’s Elephant Vanishes for Lincoln Center Festival. (McBurney on how he reworked the stories.)

 Japanese Crown Prince Naruhito accuses court bureaucrats of imprisoning his wife to produce male baby.

 Guide for screenwriters and novelists on correctly composing autopsy narratives.

 White House homelessness czar thinks chronic homelessness can be killed in 10 years, carries picture of French philosopher in his pocket.

 Photos: Ruins around New England.

 City Ballet’s resurrection of Balanchine has been hyped to hysteria, with an uneven level of performance unthinkable when Balanchine was in charge.

 Video: Guns shot, in slow-motion.

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A long-winded toast to yesterday’s most generous patron of TMN’s debts