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Headlines for Friday, October 31, 2003

New York’s currently: already scared of hobos

The wonderful, wonderful odds of dying by hot tap water, melting nightwear, or contact with lizards.

Nameless U.S. officials say Saddam may be coordinating attacks in Iraq. Related: Most names that won contracts in Iraq are very familiar to our politicians.

Chief of staff of the Israeli armed forces says tactics against Palestinians are too repressive, operating contrary to Israel’s strategic interests.

California wildfires tempered by cool weather.

Timeline of significant events in vampire history.

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi succeeds Mahathir Mohamad as Malaysia’s prime minister after two weeks of outcries over antisemitic remarks. Perhaps related: Lemmings are eaten, not suicidal.

Two days late but still funny: Bush looks for scapegoat for ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner, only slightly funnier than Howard Dean calling himself a metrosexual.

‘Cell Division’ by TMN’s Kfan.

Detailed news summary of the Khodorkovsky-arrest. Related: Moscow schools ban Halloween.

Will the U.S.’s third-quarter economic growth rate continue, even as the number of jobs fell? Ask Bush: ‘We cannot expect economic growth numbers like this every quarter.’

Extremist South African whites planned to assassinate Nelson Mandela and march 35 million-plus blacks and Indians out of the country, or shoot them.

Did you ever have a dream like this? Postcards of American tall tales.

Weekend in NYC: Sloper Aaron Bashy to give shucking lessons, free oysters, Grand Army Plaza on Saturday, 10am-1pm. Also, the parade.

I am talking to you from the surface of the fucking moon. Neil Armstrong had his less eloquent moments.

Questions, answers with Ghostbuster’s Ivan Reitman.

Addictive Game: Candy Toss.

Because you love it: Zombie Jokes!

Headlines for Thursday, October 30, 2003

New York’s currently: voting ‘no’ for rain

First firefighter dies in California wildfires.

Red Cross to reduce staff in Iraq; also: number of U.S. troops killed since end of active combat now tops number of U.S. troops killed during active combat. Related: In the last week in Iraq, there have been 233 attacks on U.S. troops.

North Korea: U.S. nuclear talks are approaching an ‘unpredictably difficult phase.’

Bush says a major theme of his 2004 campaign will be that ‘the world is more peaceful and more free under [his] leadership.’

Iraq asks neighboring countries to help it regain security by preventing border crossings of those with intent to attack U.S. and Iraqi targets.

Tehran says improved U.S.-Iran relations could result if U.S. ends accusations of terrorism.

Inmates take over wing of South Carolina prison.

Archaeologists finally get to live out Indiana Jones fantasy: ‘Dramatic Rescue Snatches Back Mayan Altar.’

Paul McCartney and Heather Mills welcome baby girl, Beatrice.

Will the Democratic Party hold it together? If it does not, what will happen? ‘The Democrats Can Win,’ The Atlantic, October 1948.

‘I’m not a good try-er clothes-er on-er.’ And more that’s fallen out of the mouth of Jessica Simpson.

For all your message-first, coziness-later home-decorating needs: Subversive Cross Stich.

‘No one could touch the pope,’ Carlin added. ‘Hell, no one even tried. He was in a class of his own. One of a kind.’ Looking back on 25 years of laughs with funnyman Pope John Paul II. (The Onion)

Extreme Pumpkins shows you how to make pumpkins do things you wouldn’t have thought of. Like, gross and really scary things.

Headlines for Wednesday, October 29, 2003

New York’s currently: drowning

U.S. plan in Iraq: Stay the course, faster, perhaps shift intelligence officers from WMD-hunting to counterinsurgency.

Improved chances for the end of Sudan’s 20-year war.

Downing Street says November’s elections for North Ireland assembly will proceed, despite no fresh details on IRA’s disarmament.

Dunkin Donuts dumps the cruller.

California firefighters struggle to protect mountain resorts. Related: T.C. Boyle on waiting for the apocalypse in California.

Astounding: New York as two things: real city, dream city.

Senate adopts Schumer and Clinton’s proposal to cut aid to countries with outstanding parking tickets in New York City.

America’s educators need to learn too—Do not chat online, especially about poking little girls.

Man accused of plotting to destroy the Brooklyn Bridge sentenced to 20 years. Related: Former senior member of Aum Shinrikyo sentenced to death.

Optimistic explanations for Iran’s recent change of heart.

Twenty-six Russian inmates sing for freedom—six winners walked free; just another day in the life of Russian jails.

Author Safran Foer outed as an electric sign on Flatbush.

Smoke your meat at home.

DFW on the uniqueness theorem applied to advanced philosophy and pot-talk when considering where numbers come from.

Houses now submerged to supply water for Liverpool, just another aspect of Welsh history. [ via things ]

Headlines for Tuesday, October 28, 2003

New York’s currently: anticipating zombies

Car bomb kills six in Fallujah. Related: Increasing evidence shows recent attacks against Western targets in Iraq are from foreign fighters.

Sharon says Israel will not kill Arafat.

Due to the recent bombings, Red Cross may scale back aid in Iraq.

States sue EPA to try to block Bush administration’s changes to Clean Air Act.

‘Property can be rebuilt – that’s easy to say, unless it’s your home.’ Southern California firefighters describe the brush blaze.

‘That’s easy,’ I said. ‘He’s sweet, he’s smart, he’s funny, he’s well-intentioned and patient, and most importantly, he comes to a place like this dominated by all of her old friends from the partying days and hangs completely comfortably with everyone.’ Smitten, on how to get the catch.

Canadian wins at World Rock, Paper, Scissors Championships in Toronto.

With Yankees World Series loss, Steinbrenner will shake things up.

TMN’s Choire Sicha IMnterviews author/roommate Dale Peck on facile critiques, six months of Sven Birkerts, and being ass-fucked by Stanley Crouch. Related: Hilarious breakdown of the Peck profile, see ‘Meanwhile James Woods Is All…’

Use of chopsticks linked to increased chance of developing osteoarthritis.

Definitely not celebrities spotted at Starbucks.

Early signs show that Halloween in Chicago will see many dressed up as Steve Bartman.

How Pencils Are Made. [via jill]

Play the New York City Budget Game. (Nice use of Flash, bad use of cash.)

Pet alligator gets loose in airline cargo hold.

Headlines for Monday, October 27, 2003

New York’s currently: sick of political solutions

Almost 40 killed in Baghdad by coordinated bomb attacks, following Sunday’s attack on Wolfowitz’s hotel where an American colonel was killed and 13 wounded.

13 dead after two days of raging fires in Southern California.

First opposition voice broadcasting into the Saudi kingdom beaming out from northern London.

The story of urban hoarders and the Collyer Brothers, Harlem pack-rats who died under an avalanche of trash.

Profile of Dale Peck, literary hatchet-man who will be missed. Related: Profile of Tina Fey, SNL head writer, exorcist.

Bank of America to buy Fleet, becoming the country’s largest consumer bank.

A million Waldos in the picture of everything.

British Library puts first and second editions of William Caxton’s Cantebury Tales online.

Robert Lowell to Elizabeth Bishop, Larry McMurty on Garrison Keillor, or Joan Didion on Bush and the Divine as the NY Review of Books puts up their 40th Anniversary Issue.

6,000+ New Yorkers enjoy farm-fresh vegetables with buying clubs.

Because we haven’t linked it before: The wonderfully diverse WFMU streams online.

Maybe I’ll write a shorter sentence, I thought. Just to get the ball rolling. Something like, ‘She kisses me,’ or, ‘We smooch.’ Michael Barrish, ‘End of Story.’

Exactly how does a bullet or knife kill somebody? Also, let’s keep the focus on freezing.

Artists + fiction writers = Broken Wrist Project.

Headlines for Friday, October 24, 2003

New York’s currently: taking orders from management

Kofi Annan urges reluctant countries to donate aid toward the reconstruction of Iraq.

Bill Clinton brokers deal for price cut on AIDS drugs for developing countries.

Rumsfeld laughs off leaked memo criticizing Pentagon.

Senate votes to ease travel restrictions on American travel to Cuba. Related: Senate votes itself fifth straight pay raise. (Vacation cash?)

INS raids Wal-Marts across the country, arresting over 300 illegal workers.

Irish smoking ban goes into effect in January.

Forty-nine Russian miners trapped.

The Kid Gets Stays Goes oh, never mind: Robert Evans interview from 2002. ‘The thing is, [Hollywood is] taking me more seriously than ever. Not my peers, but the young people, like Wes Anderson. He’s a pal of mine. And David O. Russell’s a good friend of mine.’

Really: Lightning strikes actor playing Jesus in Mel Gibson’s The Passion of Christ – twice. Related: Gibson’s film to open on Ash Wednesday.

Illustrating the invisible lines in Austin, Texas.

‘The way your mother knows exactly what you should get when you add two and two and the answer is a banker’s hand.’ After You Set Your Head on Fire the Rest Will Follow.

I DO NOT KNOW crap about these things. You are bidding on ‘Collection of 26 Beanie Babies from Ex-Wife.’

All joking aside, a man was jailed for smuggling snakes in his trousers. The joking may now commence.

The stunt double: Who the hell is that guy? It sure isn’t Keanu Reeves.

World Wide Words: ‘international English from a British viewpoint.’

Buick LaCrosse to be renamed in Canada because the name is slang for masturbation in French-speaking Quebec. ‘LaCrosse,’ not ‘Buick.’

Headlines for Thursday, October 23, 2003

New York’s currently: heading down to the Rose Parade

The danger of religious war is real, and the U.S. isn’t calming anyone.

Fearing Protestant backlash, Trimble demands numbers from the I.R.A. while Blair and Ahern push for disclosure.

Today, we lack metrics to know if we are winning or losing the global war on terror. Rumsfeld memo currently not proved to be leaked by Rumsfeld. Related: A strong Iraq needs strong Republicans.

More details of U.S. government shackled to corporations shock no one. Related: Brush up on your Constitution and Declaration of Independence.

Interview with South African satirist Pieter-Dirk Uys on Mbeki’s comment that he knows no one with HIV.

Receive your mail-from-a-truck as mail-in-your-computer with ScanMe.

Butt-plug chosen over fairy tales for New York City school.

Synthetic blood made from human red blood cells survives in patients.

315 acres of land, two men, death.

How to Talk Mean and Influence People, by Tony Hoagland. (Also, ‘Commercial for a Summer Night.’)

Worst book covers.

On the impossibilities of replacing George Plimpton or Elliott Smith.

Powerful tricks and tactics of intimidation practiced by flacks.

The age-old question: How much is inside?

Notice, the setting is one of those innumerable places not worth caring about which someday will add up to a nation not worth defending. October’s Eyesore of the Month by James Kunstler.

Headlines for Wednesday, October 22, 2003

New York’s currently: stung fir thirty bar each

Singer-songwriter Elliott Smith dies at 34.

North Korea rejects U.S. Will-Not-Invade deal.

In separate instances, in 24 hours, Israelis shoot five Palestinians dead. Related: Israel defies U.N. order, will continue construction of West Bank barrier.

Senate approves ban on partial-birth abortion.Related: And Bush says he’ll sign it.

U.S. contends that Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, captured Al Qaeda mastermind, personally murdered Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl.

Fla. Governor Jeb Bush orders woman’s feeding tube be reinserted.

Iran agrees to U.N. inspections of nuclear facilities, and to suspend production of enriched uranium.

In the Observer: Clay Risen on the trouble at Lincoln Center and Choire Sicha on the trouble with gentrification.

Ecuadorean Indians wearing feathered headdresses and red face-paint marched outside a jungle courthouse. Ecuadoreans sue Chevron over Amazon pollution.

Tonight is the final start of Roger Clemen’s career.

Norwegian witch receives small business grant.

Liza Minnelli’s estranged husband, David Gest, claims Minnelli flew into drunken rages, abused him. Not really related: Elton John to play Caesars Palace for three-year gig.

Michigan judge pens rap lyrics for Eminem ruling.

The Shins take the rock world by stealth.

After 25 years of supersonic mass transit, Concorde reaches its final destination this week.

Headlines for Tuesday, October 21, 2003

New York’s currently: deadly serious about booms

Israel attacks Gaza five times, killing 11 and wounding more than 90 as Sharon affirms plan to remove Arafat.

IRA authroizes ‘a further act’ of arms-destruction.

Bush delivers cautious rebuke to Malaysian prime minister’s anti-Semitic remarks. Related: Malaysian prime minister insists he’s not anti-Semitic, but furor over comments proves Jews control the world (last item).

Sontag’s acceptance speech for the Friedenspreis peace prize.

Deputy undersecretary of defense Boykin captured smaller-God-worshipping Somalis on behalf of his Christian nation, describes unidentified black mark on intelligence photos as ‘the principalities of darkness.’

Complaints against NY cabbies shot up 17 percent this year.

The big story about rape and football at Mepham High in Long Island.

Levels of corruption in 133 countries.

Manhattan teen killed while surfing northbound C train.

Squeal! Thomas Pynchon to appear on the Simpsons.

Matthew Carter updates the Times’s typography. Related: New Walk/Don’t Walk signals around town.

American social hygiene posters.

My record collection is a chemistry set.

France, which prides itself on the quality of its intellectual debate, is a country where controversial ideas are often silenced by zealots and lawyers, rather than discussed. Appraisal of Houellebecq by his friend and defender Noguez.

Control the wicked boom, and other tasks in proper seamanship.

Headlines for Monday, October 20, 2003

New York’s currently: moving to Stepford, CT

Bush and South Korea President discuss North Korean crisis, offer written security commitment. Related: North Korea tests anti-ship missile.

Gay Episcopal Bishop-Elect presses forward despite controversy.

A profile of Hamas.

Islamic leaders applaud astounding anti-Semitic remarks by the Malaysian prime minister.

‘For this, I want a lot of money.’ Woody Allen to write explicit, unabridged memoirs?

New Zagat puts Union Square back on top, while Rocco plummets. Related: Relatively anonymous Brooklyn spot makes waves as one of the best restaurants in NYC.

Proving the ‘five-second rule.’ Alternately, Get an intern to do it.

Visibly thinner, filthy, and unshaven… After 44 days, David Blaine thinks, breathes, and sobs outside the box.

‘Sit and spin,’ flipping the bird, ‘read between the lines,’ etc.: Texas says giving the finger is legal.

Gwyneth Paltrow plays Plath in Sylvia. Anthony Lane reviews.

Based on the old Choose Your Own Adventure interactive novels: ‘Choose Your Own New York.’

Over 600 drawings made by Spanish children during the Spanish Civil War: ‘They Still Draw Pictures.’

‘What? There’s no power-ups in Pong. The concept of a power-up hadn’t been invented yet.’ What happens when you get a bunch of 11-year-olds together to play some classic Atari games.

Danielle Steel opens art gallery, considers joining nunnery.

Headlines for Friday, October 17, 2003

New York’s currently: shaking like a Polaroid

U.N. Security Council unanimously backs U.S. resolution for multinational force in Iraq led by U.S, though key allies say no more money, no more troops.

Aaron Boone bats the Yanks to Florida.

Catholicism for everyone: Confessions inside the Grouphug.

Proof of Sadaam’s illicit bio-weapons called phooey, despite place in speeches by Dub-Dub, Cheney, Powell.

Russian prison tattoos.

Dub-Dub meets Arnold: ‘Some accuse us both of not being able to speak the language.’

Staten Island ferry pilot passed out at the wheel, no skipper to guide him.

Free Rush Limbaugh!

Broken water main floods Washington Heights.

Around the grave-site for middlebrow culture, a top-100-books list is balled up and dropped down the hole.

Clip of Tim Hawkinson describing his Überorgan.

Reckless rollerskating endangers Greenwich Village, 70 years ago.

Adam Ant begs you: Save the Gorilla.

Hitchens on what it means to be English, yet another dose from the man with a 26-hour clock.

Cabinets of curiosity by famous designers, including Maira Kalman. Related: Drawings by Vojislav Jakic,

About her butt I am speaking / Superlatively large / So large it is, I cannot believe / For it is conspicuous / Disgusting!

Headlines for Thursday, October 16, 2003

New York’s currently: listening to that Outkast song a lot

Staten Island Ferry crashes into pier, 10 dead, many injured; pilot makes suicide attempt at home afterwards.

President Bush’s high-speed tour of Asia, for safety. (And no sushi.)

Cubs lose NLCS, Marlins on to World Series. Related: Great Trib editorial: Nobody loves the Cubs more than Steve Bartman, ‘that fan.’

Man convicted for knowingly transmitting HIV.

First Chinese astronaut returns to Earth from orbit, China plans space station.

Poll shows troop dissatisfaction growing in Iraq.

Gay members of Bronx Catholic church choir ordered to leave. Related: John Paul II celebrates quarter-century as pontiff.

The study showed two trends. First, there was no change in heart attack rates for patients who lived outside city limits. But for city residents, the rates plummeted by 58 percent in only six months. The effects of a smoking ban in the city limits of Helena, Montana. [thanks bob]

Rare purple frog discovered in India, with qualities so unique it is assigned to a new frog family.

Rupert Murdoch will never retire. Never!

Monstress Productions: Because you love it and because she has a manifesto.

Collector returned pennies to me, stating, ‘Here, save these to buy a bottle of hair dye.’ And other written complaints waged by motorists against New York toll-booth attendants.

NBC pulling highly touted Coupling.

German man teaches dog Hitler salute, charged with violating Germany’s anti-Nazi laws.

‘Cause with the vibrator you don’t get the hugging and the cuddling and the snuggling and the nibbling and the sweet nothings whispered into your ear.’ Sue Johanson, Canadian sex therapist, and her unforgettable approach.

Headlines for Wednesday, October 15, 2003

New York’s currently: for anybody but the Marlins

Security Council’s top antiwar advocates drop demands that the U.S. allow the U.N. a central role in Iraq’s reconstruction.

Four dead after a U.S. convoy is attacked in the Gaza Strip.

No one wants to be from Chicago, Seat 11, Row 9.

Average price for an apartment in Manhattan: $919,959.

Bush campaign raises $49.5 million in the third quarter.

Diary from soldier on furlough, enjoying every moment.

The world of Robert Smigel, or, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Related: The world of animated porn.

Executives seek secret computer-training to save face.

NY society-types throw engagement party, with celebrity-list provided on the invitation.

The brass tacks of movie guns, or, how to get a tank in New Jersey.

Excellent Q&A: Are there really not enough novels around for men and boys? Related: Dirty But Clean author (and now-Booker-winner) confesses to a life of cons.

Supreme Court rejects White House’s appeal to doctors’ right to free-speech in discussing marijuana.

New photos at the Cross Atlantic Report, including animal dioramas and 20 years of man.

Birnbaum interview with Maxim editor Jason Kersten about mercy-killing.

What food floats? And, why do coke when there’s asparagus?

Photos from Greenwood Cemetery, where movies are shown.

Headlines for Tuesday, October 14, 2003

New York’s currently: back as a nor’easter

Bush administration modifies Iraq resolution, pushes up timetable for election date. Related: Bush reaffirms ‘the person who is in charge is me.’

After boycotting last year’s Columbus Day parade, Bloomberg marches in this year’s, commenting ‘Today we’re all a little bit Italian.’

Murder suspect escapee surrenders in Pennsylvania.

If a Martian came down and landed in the stands of a Yankees-Red Sox game, he would get the impression that human beings are 90 percent men and 10 percent women in tight T-shirts, and that we reproduce by loathing in groups. How it’s done in the Northeast.

GW writes a poem, and The Missouri Review rejects it.

Martha Stewart says she’s scared, doesn’t think she’ll go to jail.

L.A. MTA strike strands 400,000 riders.

Woman says she lives in South Williamsburg to avoid ‘hipsters;’ declares an obsession with the ’80s, John Hughes movies, and leg warmers; opens self up to social attack and derision as the focus of a New York Times article.

Clothing designer Jil Sander returns to the post – at her namesake company – that she vacated four years ago.

Stoners’ sperm loses proper timing, becomes infertile.

Overcrowding in New York schools, five-hour-long lunch periods.

Transitional government ready for transfer of power in Liberia.

Judging books by their covers with Cheshire Dave!

A gallery of favorite CNN feature graphics.

Headlines for Monday, October 13, 2003

New York’s currently: wishing congratulations to Maggie & Bryan.

Six killed by car bomb in Baghdad, at least 35 wounded.

North Carolina monkey controls robot arm missing only a mention of pirates to win ‘best headline’ award.

Palestinian Prime Minister threatens to follow Abbas in resignation over similar struggles with Arafat.

Cojoined two-year-old Egyptian twins separated and stable in induced comas. Related: One-liners involving head.

See if you—like Bruce Springsteen, Ben & Jerry’s, and The Temptations—are on the NRA Blacklist.

Boston co-eds pray in Babe Ruth’s old room to lift the Bambino Curse. Elsewhere, Zimmer cries.

Texan Republicans succeed in redrawing district-lines.

Catholic Church tells AIDS-stricken countries to stop using condoms, saying viruses can pass through.

Europe as where Christianity once lived, now seems to send more tourists than worshippers to church.

Tom Wolfe on the soon-to-be vaporized little prayer at 2 Columbus Circle: Part I, Part II.

Hidden treasures in the Museum of Natural History.

The secret lives of pianists, who rarely know how to listen to themselves.

A favorite subscription: Moonlight Chronicles by D. Price.

What it takes to be a Best Boy in Hollywood.

Wonderful tribute to artist William Steig by his wife Jeanne (also, a slideshow of Steig’s work).

Kids draw to Radiohead albums.

Headlines for Thursday, October 9, 2003

New York’s currently: a decent answer to Job

U.N. says as of today, Monrovia is a ‘weapons-free zone,’ with first reinforcements arriving in Liberia.

Science can’t overcome passion, politics for Israeli and Palestinian researchers.

Suicide car bomber kills nine in Baghdad.

Top 10 list of Bush Assaults on Women and Families.

Philadelphia mayor, in tough race for re-election, finds an FBI bug in his office.

Best site-publishing system launches for low-tech users: TypePad.

Ui man Sasha Frere-Jones points to the goodness in new Outkast.

You’ll be singing it too: Bip Bip.

Humans capable of extreme gullibility, science based on people believing Ira Glass gives good radio-voice.

A typology of online stalkers.

Ghostly landscapes by Ernestine Ruben. Related: Scientific responses to UFOs, crop circles, and creationism.

Bra calls for an ambulance at first signs of trouble.

First documented case of homosexual necrophilia in the mallard.

Dark galleries from the Daguerreian Society, also unknown pleasures (also dark) from the Royal Photographic Society.

There are very few people who make contact with [the north] and emerge entirely unscathed. Glenn Gould on solitude and the north.

‘This’ by Jamie Allen.

Headlines for Wednesday, October 8, 2003

New York’s currently: imagining Pataki with biceps

Total recall! The so-familiar now Governor Schwarzenegger who’s still yet so unknown.

Syria promises retaliation if Israel attacks again.

IBM emancipates 8,000 wage slaves.

Linda Tripp’s former ghostwriter reaches across the table to spear some uneaten shrimp from the long shiny row of untouched salads. TMN’s Choire Sicha reports on California and the media in the Observer.

Successful Australian five-year study brings male contraceptive closer to reality.

Rich teenies launch glossy NYCircuit to sell desire, envy to desire, envy-depraved rich NY teenies.

Bush gets his news from the objective sources on his staff.

Astounding index of rephotographed New York locations by Douglas Levere, guided by Bernice Abbott. Related: Rephotographing Eugene Atget’s Paris pictures.

Cookslut battle of the books: Joy of Cooking v. How to Cook Everything.

NYPD chief cuts Springsteen’s escort after Bruce sings about Amadou Diallo.

Hertzmann weighs in: what is a real bouchon, and what do they serve?

Frankfurt Book Fair shows rekindled affection between Russia and Germany.

Protest! Annie Leibovitz won’t fix up her West Village houses! Related: Walk through a Japanese apartment building!

Schmucks, orgasms, and Gilbert Gottfried at the Friar’s roast.

‘Care’ by Julie Orringer.

To see in New York right now: Barnaby Furnas; Big & Green; Welcome Home Chester Stanley.

Headlines for Tuesday, October 7, 2003

New York’s currently: firmly on the east coast

Sharon follows attack in Syria with boast to ‘hit [Israel’s] enemies any place and in any way.’ Related: Hopes for peace seem little improved since 1973.

Government posts Enron’s email, available now for the search requests.

Kremlin candidate wins dubious Chechnyan election after forcing strongest challengers out of the race.

Unknown to millions, Bob Graham drops out of the election race.

Interim WMD report by David Kay shows Saddam had intent but no means for weapons-programs before war.

90-second films, including How to Tell When a Relationship is Over.

PETA faxes tiger-tamer Roy’s hospital room, urging him to give up the floorshow.

The inside scoop on Dazed & Confused. Related: Timeline inconsistencies in Ferris Bueller.

Adam Gopnik tells the White House how to kiss. Unrelated: Harmonizing horses.

There’s no school you can go to to learn how to be a superhero. Interview with ‘extraordinarily attractive’ Brit folk hero Angle-Grinder Man.

Theories on why firewalkers don’t burn their feet.

‘Stalin Dreaming’ by Ann Harleman.

List of collective nouns for non-human mammals.

Portraits by Mary Ellen Mark.

On that lovable priestess of eternal Germany, Elisabeth Nietzsche.

Headlines for Monday, October 6, 2003

New York’s currently: a beautiful town to avoid raising children

Syria gets no vote on U.N. resolution condemning Israel for Sunday’s attack. Related: Overview of Middle East roadmap.

Ahmad Kadyrov wins vote for Chechnya’s Presidency in a world-derided bogus election.

More Chechnya: Interview with Aslan Maskhadov, Chechnya’s elected President in 1997 (in French); former Moscow Times editor Matt Bivens on Bush’s conflicted endorsement of Putin.

Woman who lived with Harlem tiger says ‘we all became family.’ Related: Animals banned in New York City.

Inside look from the dangerous gun-buying world of NYPD’s Firearms Investigation Unit.

Advice from Charles Mingus on how to toilet-train your cat.

Tad Friend on the allure of suicide via the Golden Gate Bridge.

Universities install aquariums, climbing walls, and water parks in the arms race to snag students.

Old but great Birnbaum interview with Alan Furst.

Tickets still available for the NY Film Festival.

Cartoonist William Steig dies at 95.

Exactly what happens when the Pope expires.

Brits vote on rubbish-towns.

Good debate between Clifford May and Spencer Ackerman over the Ambassador Wilson blow-up.

Interview with John Lennon about Paul McCartney’s assassination.

Prepare for the World Beard and Mustache Championships this November.

Headlines for Friday, October 3, 2003

New York’s currently: a sore throat

Bush and politics: How to justify an occupied WMD-less Iraq while running for a second term?

Schwarzenegger apologizes for groping women, denies admiring Hitler.

In those days, The Paris Review occupied a one-room ground floor office on the East River with a lion-tamer’s chair hanging from the ceiling. George lived upstairs in a duplex. ‘The Last Gentleman,’ by David Michaelis

Gauguin’s final Tahiti paintings are reunited in exhibit.

MPAA’s decision to cease distribution of DVDs to Academy Award voters and industry figures will hurt independent filmmakers.

Ralph Nader says primary goal is to ‘defeat President George W. Bush,’ undecided on whether or not he’ll run.

Twice a week the U.S. military practices shooting down civilian airliners.

University of North Carolina announces plan to pay college costs for low-income students who work on-campus jobs.

How to convince people you are a time-traveller from the future.

David Johansen visits mom, plays nursing home in Staten Island. [via the obscurious one]

The sights and the scents at the Fulton Fish Market.

Polar bears that pace are expressing their desire to roam, not to hunt.

A few hours after baking, ‘fault lines’ develop and the cookie begins to crumble.

Today at noon: the 92nd Street Y Harkness Dance Center performs informal works, including ‘a comic and kinetic murder mystery with six Audrey Hepburn figures.’

Be sure to visit The Kicker, with Elizabeth Spiers.

Headlines for Thursday, October 2, 2003

New York’s currently: home sweet home

North Korea claims it is manufacturing nuclear weapons.

U.S. officials claim to have identified new Al Qaeda terror chief. Related: Pakistani troops kill at least 12 in hunt for Al Qaeda operatives along northern border.

Bush approval rating at Pre-September 11 levels.

White House says it will undergo polygraph tests to determine the leak. Related: Bruce Sterling on ten technologies that should die, including the lie detector.

Rapper C-Murder – Master P’s younger brother – found guilty of second-degree murder.

Israel publishes plans to build 600 ‘settler homes’ in the West Bank.

Female NYC probation officer arrested for coercing sex from a juvenile delinquent. And that’s not just a plot idea for a porno flick.

Were snipers in ‘68 Mexico City massacre actually government operatives?

South African writer John Maxwell Coetzee wins 2003 Nobel Prize for literature.

Winter is really on its way. (Really.) And Nigella Lawson is canning.

Bling Kong: ‘A rock band with three drummers, a cheerleading squad, and some video ninjas.’

Selma Blair-Ahmed Zappa wedding announced on Friendster.

‘Last night I prayed for J-Lo and Ben.’

Page-by-page (nearly) review of Wesley Clark’s new book.

Woman slaps Burger King employee for messing up her order.

Headlines for Wednesday, October 1, 2003

New York’s currently: happily not married to Nick or Jessica

Justice Department initiates full criminal investigation into White House leak. Related: Why this comes at a bad time for the administration.

Former professional soccer player convicted in Belgium in Al Qaeda bomb plot.

He seemed most at ease when giving PowerPoint presentations of his budget plans. New Yorkers need Bloomberg to be more than a technocrat.

A first in the U.S.: New Jersey makes it illegal to drive while drowsy.

Aide at Guantánamo Bay is arrested in Boston for carrying classified documents.

Orangutans may be extinct within the next 20 years.

Survey shows that drivers spend 51 hours a year in traffic. Subway now sounding a lot better.

Research shows Nazis used hospitals to kill those ‘deemed physically inferior.’

A Venn diagram of weirdos, including Wiccans and vegans.

Five-year-old girl makes a bong out of a Coke bottle for show-and-tell.

I’m not talking about the giddy editor, or the eye-strained, proof-reading spouse, or the steadfast mother. Jeffrey Eugenides sees omens as encouragement.

RIAA agrees to contact file-sharers before suing them.

The State Fair of Texas: where anything is edible, and everything is fried (pickles, Oreos, candy bars, cheesecake).

Israel approves controversial security fence in West Bank. Related: What is the fence?

Why are you eating that?

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