The Morning News

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Currently: July 30, 2011: Weekend http://tmne.ws/d9YZF
660 days ago

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Files Are Not for Sharing

My son just turned two, and we have begun to teach him the foundations of ethical behavior. To aid us in this endeavor, we purchased a number of books by Elizabeth Verdick: Teeth Are Not for Biting, Hands Are Not for Hitting, Feet Are Not for Kicking, and Words Are Not for Hurting.

Those four volumes might have been enough for the 20th century child. But these days there is at least one more fundamental tenet of ethical behavior that must be drilled into our nation’s youth as early as possible. And so I have taken it upon myself to pen the latest installment in the X Are Not for Ying series.

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TMN Contributing Writer Matthew Baldwin is a programmer from Seattle who lives with the Best Wife Ever and a handful of good-for-nothing cats. He runs the Web site defective yeti, loves to play board games, and once convinced 30 sober adults to run the 100-meter dash with their pants around their ankles. Once the patent for his combination Bagpipes/Breathalizer is approved, Matthew Baldwin will become obscenely wealthy and move to Belize.

Goopymart is a one-man (Will Guy) design studio specializing in bright, colorful, lumpy things. A wide variety of artwork, comics, and animations are made for the delight and confusion of the world’s population. Visit goopymart.com.

» More by Matthew Baldwin & Goopymart


TODAY’S FEATURE

Sorry About Your Generation

Today’s young women are scared to commit because Mel Gibson may attack them, and today’s mothers should keep their opinions to themselves. BECKY CARDWELL relates a visit home.

OUR MAN IN BOSTON

Can’t Get No Satisfaction

From Wislawa Szymborska, "I'm old fashioned and think that reading books is the most glorious pastime that humankind has yet devised."

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