Eric Feezell

TMN Contributing Writer Eric Feezell lives, loves, and ghostrides the whip—sometimes simultaneously—in Oakland, Calif. Occasionally, he gets around to writing humor and fiction, as well. His work has appeared at/in a variety of web and print publications. Or, visit his web site.

Making the Bird

To entertain themselves and their friends ERIC FEEZELL and his brother formed a band, Birdhead. Now he traces the history of “the critically acclaimed power duo from Rancho Cucamonga.” (Personal Essays | November 12, 2009)

The Babysitter

The kids are asleep upstairs, and the sitter waits alone in a darkened house—and then the phone rings. If you think you know what happens next, think again. THE WRITERS finish the story. (Spoofs & Satire | October 30, 2009)

Frugal Krueger

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, THE STAFF helps a reader in need of creative, recession-friendly Halloween costume ideas. (The Non-Expert | October 23, 2009)

Superpowers, Revealed

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…someone who can divide a dinner bill five ways! Sometimes the best abilities are the ones the world can’t see. Our STAFF AND READERS share their talents. (Of Recent Note | September 2, 2009)

The Rules of Engagement

Welcome to wedding season, when lovers and their kinfolk celebrate true love and go into debt. We rounded up a PANEL OF EXPERTS—authors, academics, and the recently betrothed—to discuss the current state of the Great American Wedding. (Roundtables | April 29, 2009)

How to Buy a Car

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL demonstrates to a wary customer how best to maneuver the purchase of a new car, while keeping accidental singes to a minimum. (The Non-Expert | April 24, 2009)

Fallen Heroes

Every day, on street corners and in shopping centers across the nation, hungry mouths get their fill of authentic, toasted Italian cuisine. In a one-act play, ERIC FEEZELL gets behind the sub. (Spoofs & Satire | March 25, 2009)

Cocktail Flu

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. ERIC FEEZELL offers tried-and-true excuses for calling in sick to work, including examples of the maladies we can claim to hide the malady we have. (The Non-Expert | January 9, 2009)

The Roommate

A woman stops by her dorm room late at night. Careful not to wake her roommate, she never turns on the light. The next morning, she returns to find the police at her dorm. What happens next? Only THE WRITERS know. (Spoofs & Satire | October 31, 2008)

Boats We Missed

From acclaimed television series to all-over-your-radar bands to the web site even your grandmother knows about, here are the phenomena that the TMN READERS AND WRITERS, until recently, missed out on. (Of Recent Note | October 1, 2008)

Transitioning

Two candidates are vying for the White House—as are their decorators. Planning for a January move-in date, both teams have ideas for ways to ensure a smooth handover. ERIC FEEZELL writes. (Spoofs & Satire | September 30, 2008)

Of Thee I Zing

In the two weeks since she became John McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin has made her mark—most notably for her aggressive joke-telling. Since the Democrats are unwilling to jibe back, ERIC FEEZELL takes off the gloves and delivers some punchlines. (Spoofs & Satire | September 12, 2008)

The Hot ______ of the Summer

In times of respite, the mind settles, focusing on what’s really relevant. Here are the TMN READERS’ AND WRITERS’ hot picks: the jam that fueled parties all summer long, the show we turned down the A/C to hear, and more. (Of Recent Note | August 28, 2008)

Smoke and Mirrors

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. In this week’s installment, ERIC FEEZELL explains why the objects in passenger-side mirrors are closer than they appear: It could be something you ate. (The Non-Expert | July 25, 2008)

Vacation Destinations

With Memorial Day just around the corner, our thoughts are turning to getting the heck out of town. Where to? Well, the TMN READERS AND WRITERS have some recommendations. (Of Recent Note | May 22, 2008)

Ladies First

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ERIC FEEZELL solves the origins of “Mrs.,” and presents a new nomenclature to fill the gender gap, once and for all. (The Non-Expert | May 16, 2008)

Things We’re Denying Ourselves

A recession looms at the door—before it arrives, we have an opportunity to improve our minds, bodies, and wallets. Though we may soon be denying ourselves more than pleasures, this is what we’re omitting right now. (Of Recent Note | April 30, 2008)

Identity Crisis

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL (or someone claiming to be him) details many popular methods for stealing identities. (The Non-Expert | April 11, 2008)

Movies for What Ails You

It’s winter, and chances are you’re sick or you’re about to be. Even though you may feel like you’d rather curl up and die, we recommend curling up with a good movie instead—and THE WRITERS’ answer to most ailments is Jimmy Stewart. (Of Recent Note | February 22, 2008)

Begging the Question

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL explains the phrase nobody understands in terms we can all understand. For the most part. (The Non-Expert | February 8, 2008)

You Say You Want a Resolution

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL conjures a New Year’s vow for a quitter who needs something new to quit. (The Non-Expert | January 11, 2008)

Life After Masturbation

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL advises a mother who’s walked in on her son during a private moment. (The Non-Expert | December 7, 2007)

Online Merchants

‘Tis the season of Amazon and Zappos, but what about those web merchants with more rare offerings, or services you didn’t know were available online? THE WRITERS offer a few of their current favorites. (Of Recent Note | November 27, 2007)

Strictly Business

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL instructs a future MBA in the art of networking. That sound? The last gasp of your ethics. (The Non-Expert | November 9, 2007)

The Backseat Killer

A maniac is chasing an innocent woman. She gets home and runs to her house, just as the pursuing car screeches in to the driveway. How will it end? Only THE WRITERS know, in our annual open-ended gore fest. (Spoofs & Satire | October 31, 2007)

Unfortunate

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL helps a reader assess the accuracy of the fortune cookie he just opened. (The Non-Expert | October 12, 2007)

Happily Heifer After

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL points out the differences between non-organic and organic cows—in words only an organic cow would comprehend. (The Non-Expert | September 14, 2007)

Hooking It Up

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, California’s own ERIC FEEZELL applies cold logic to a hot topic: how can pre-adolescent hockey players become sexually active? (The Non-Expert | August 17, 2007)

Cat Heathens

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL helps a reader decide whether she should send her antisocial, over-meowing feline to the big litter box in the sky. (The Non-Expert | July 20, 2007)

That Boy

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL helps a family travel safely to Chicago, and urges them to protect their daughter from the boyfriend from hell. (The Non-Expert | June 29, 2007)

American Capitalism

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL helps a poor man figure out how to make the system work—by any means necessary. (The Non-Expert | June 1, 2007)

Gleesome Threesome

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, ERIC FEEZELL helps a confused young woman make the best of a beast with three backs. (The Non-Expert | May 11, 2007)

Second Lust

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week ERIC FEEZELL offers moral guidance to a reader who just realized their Second Life avatar bears a striking resemblance to their best friend’s wife. (The Non-Expert | April 6, 2007)

I Did It

When Khalid Sheikh Mohammed admitted to planning a litany of terror crimes, he was just getting started. ERIC FEEZELL has more from the al Qaeda mastermind who can’t stop confessing. (Spoofs & Satire | March 23, 2007)

My Bloodthirsty Valentine

What says true love better than ear-shattering shrieks interspersed with low, guttural growling? If you’re in the market for a uniquely thoughtful Valentine’s Day present, ERIC FEEZELL has the perfect, possibly rabies-infected gift for you. (Spoofs & Satire | February 13, 2007)

Barack to the Drawing Board

With Barack Obama’s presidential campaign underway, his advisors are working overtime to make sure their man appeals to the American public, and the first challenge is the name. ERIC FEEZELL snags a secret memo proposing the senator’s new monikers. (Spoofs & Satire | January 18, 2007)

Wii Feel Your Pain

Nintendo’s new gaming system has thrilled many players with its motion-sensing capabilities, some to the point of harm. A memo received by ERIC FEEZELL explains how not to injure your family. (Spoofs & Satire | December 12, 2006)

Googling for Trouble

The search company has asked that people tread lightly when verbing its name—but can it turn away history’s momentum? ERIC FEEZELL googles some answers. (Spoofs & Satire | October 30, 2006)

The Future of Organized Labor

From economists to politicians, pundits the nation over argue organized labor is fast becoming extinct. If unions survive, it’s safe to assume not much will change when it comes to ground-level operations. People, after all, will be people. And robots, says ERIC FEEZELL, will be robots. (Spoofs & Satire | June 29, 2006)

Raisin Hell

Fitting in is hard to do. Left to your own imagination, is it better to be yourself—or be a California Raisin? ERIC FEEZELL has a tale of fourth-grade woe. (Personal Essays | May 2, 2006)

Do You Have Hipsters?

You’ve seen the warning signs, you can tell something’s not quite right—so now’s the time to do something about it. ERIC FEEZELL’s step-by-step guide on how to rid yourself of a hipster infestation. (Spoofs & Satire | April 21, 2006)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

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