Dressed to Kill
Real-life villains to inspire costumes, including the conquistador so horrible the king of Spain made it a crime to say his name.
Tobias Seamon
No One Is Innocent
Think baseball today is rotten from drugs and punks? A century ago, things weren’t much better. A brief history of baseball's dark traditions—cheating, substance abuse, obscenity, violence—and the colorful players who brought them to life.
How Der Boss President Changed Baseball
In the late 1870s, baseball was at risk of dying out before it even got started, strangled by a teetotaling, law-abiding, church-going new league. Then a German saloonkeeper in St. Louis got involved.
The Lost Pondshiners
New York’s Hudson Valley has long been haunted—by headless horsemen, and living terrors, too. In the hills between Poughkeepsie and Albany existed a clan of artisans known for their semi-wild existence—and for being a real-life connection to the region’s supernatural past.
Six and a Half Billion People Are Absolutely Right
The N.F.L. is corrupt, baseball's a distant dream, and March Madness is only one month long. Here's why any true sports fan watches soccer.
Murderer, Thief, Whoremonger, Cheat
This summer marks the quadricentennial of Henry Hudson's joyride to Albany--a celebration steeped in blood and greed.
An Arm and a Leg to Be Divided
Four hundred years ago, Henry Hudson took a pleasure cruise up to Albany--and so began a bloody, murderous chapter of American history.
Prodigies, Peons, and Purple People Eaters
The wide world of sports is full of fallen angels and exhausted stories. A season of discontent condensed into five brief acts, with prayers for a glorious summer.
Treacherie and the Chiefe Men of the Countrey
To celebrate the quadricentennial of Henry Hudson's cruise to Albany, a new series about the Dutch colonies' origins in America--no publicity cover-ups allowed.
The Strange Case of Harmen Meyndertsz van den Bogaert, Part Two
When he arrived in Manhattan in 1630, Harmen Meyndertsz van den Bogaert had a promising future. But cannibalism, sodomy, and a pet bear (not for sale) forever changed his life, and legacy.
The Strange Case of Harmen Meyndertsz van den Bogaert
When he arrived in Manhattan in 1630, Harmen Meyndertsz van den Bogaert had a promising future. But cannibalism, sodomy, and a pet bear (not for sale) forever changed his life, and legacy.
In the Realm of the Oak Queen
A generation ago, the death of a pet prompted heartbreak, but the burial may have been a simple backyard affair. Pet funerals these days are going upscale, and one New York pet crematorium sets a shining example.
While He Flatters He Bites
The New World was filled with many threats, dangers, and unseen evil--all of which sailed over in the form of one man: Cornelis Van Tienhoven, the bad sheriff of New Amsterdam.
Colf
Want wintry exercise that doesn't require a schlep to Vermont? Then grab a softball, some form of club, and find the nearest patch of ice to replicate a game of "colf." A popular colonial Dutch pastime, colf combines hockey and golf: Just choose a target down-ice
Ginger Man and Old Peculier
Winter is the season for great books and drink. A nearly unbeatable combination is J.P. Donleavy's picaresque masterpiece The Ginger Man accompanied by a few bottles of Old Peculier. The paired influence of the heady brown ale and protagonist Sebastian Dangerfield's tragicomic misadventures will have
Fisherman’s Friend lozenges
Wintertime: when indoor heat turns your sinuses into Saharan sand cavities and everyone at work drips with plague and pestilence. Suffer the wheezes no more, though, with Fisherman's Friend lozenges, the "strongest there is." They may taste like fisherman's ass, but these mentholated little
The Green Ghost of Sleepy Hollow
The Kinderhook area of New York is famously haunted. Though is it only by our own thoughts, or from something altogether different? Memories of home turn up the family spirits.
Wolves Eat Dogs
Anyone who missed Wolves Eat Dogs should put Martin Cruz Smith's 2005 thriller at the top of their holiday list. Melancholic detective Arkady Renko is forced to investigate murder in Chernobyl's desolated "Zone of Exclusion." Understated yet lyrical, Wolves Eat Dogs mirrors the Zone&
Life Goes On?
The Gulf Coast is in ruins, but that won't stop the political machine from running--in fact, it means it's only getting revved up. Our writer watches the waves of disaster that just won't stop.
Replica Baseball Gear
Enough of mall-rat Yankees gear. Show some style with replica baseball clothing from Ebbets Field Flannels. So money but you don't even know it? Try a Hollywood Stars jersey on for size. If Che Guevara is more your thing, go for the Havana Cienfuegos, motto: "The Elephant&
Grass
Long grass, shiny grass, waxen grass, flaxen grass, public grass, private grass, grass that's fresh on the lawn, grass in a field you've just sat on, grass that's old, grass that's new, grass that's borrowed, and grass that's
The Portrait
A slender novel that does Robert Browning's dramatic monologues proud, The Portrait by Iain Pears is an unforgettable vengeance scenario. When retired painter Henry MacAlpine lures famed critic (and former patron) William Nasmyth to a lonely isle off the Brittany coast for a final portrait, both men'
The Golden Compass
The first of Philip Pullman's excellent His Dark Materials fantasy trilogy, The Golden Compass is loads of fun. The story centers on young Lyra Silvertongue as she becomes enmeshed in a war between her father, the brooding Lord Asriel, and the sinister legions of the churchly Authority. Filled
A View From the Crow's Wood
You would've paid more attention in history class if they taught you what early Dutch settlements were really like. An opportunity to sift through the artifacts at an 18th century Hudson Valley home reveals a way of life that is as odd as it is oddly familiar.
Juiced
Can Congress get baseball to go cold turkey off steroids? And how many passionate pleas will it take? Our representative speaks, passionately and otherwise, rooting out those who seek enhancements of every kind.
Memento Mori
Who was Hunter S. Thompson? To everyone who followed him, he was somebody different. Our writer remembers his reading life with the Good Doctor.
What We Are When We Are at Home
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we field a tough question about why Americans are so obsessed with smell, and demonstrate how Americans' odor concerns know no borders.
The Six Wives of Henry LaGrange
Henry LaGrange has a very big problem. And when he isn’t struggling with his dissertation, bribing his thesis advisor, or marrying multiple women, his problem only gets bigger and bigger. Fiction by Tobias Seamon.
Any Given Election
What's a devout gambler supposed to do when the sports landscape looks so bleak? Why, turn to the current presidential race, naturally. A state-by-state rundown on your best bets.
Sentences of Discontent
Someone has to write the next Da Vinci Code, why shouldn’t it be you? To kick-start the writing process, Tobias Seamon brings us a batch of great first lines guaranteed to get your blockbuster off to a best-selling start.
Following My First Mind
If pop music can change lives, then the process must begin someplace in the mind, and more likely in images than words. Our writer sends us a postcard from the backyard of his brain, where Sinead O'Connor shares time with the Talking Heads.
Pinstriped Portraits
We know our bombers like the backs of our hands—Jeter, Matsui, now the almighty A-Rod—but who exactly are the Yankees’ fans? And is there more to life than hating the Red Sox? Our man in Albany TOBIAS SEAMON finds out what ticks for a few diehard New York fans.
A Reasonable Guide to Scum Rock
Let the strippers go unpaid, let the motel rooms burn--rock's only as good as its most depraved leaders are terrible.
All the President's Martians
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we look into the recent hoopla over Mars, with an explanation for Dub-Dub's motives in space.
The Headhunter’s Trophy Case
The headhunter is up for tenure, and is more than ready to settle a few misconceptions with a stroll through his most prized pieces. A story by Tobias Seamon, with art by Joshua Allen.
Bacon
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we enumerate many new ways you can prepare your favorite breakfast meat. Look out, because we're makin' bacon.
Sunlit Pictures: A War Album
Conflict is an unchanging part of our society, and only seems in remission when it’s not at our own doorstep. Tobias Seamon offers a collection of vignettes about war and its constant presence in our lives.
Krazy Kittens
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we ruffle some whiskers when we investigate the truth behind feline insanity. We may also get scratched pretty bad.
Historical Re-Enactors
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we show how to live in the past, bedecked in ancient garb, profound in dead languages. Yes, how to become a historical re-enactor.
Crowning the Action
Mel Gibson's forthcoming movie, The Passion, has come under a great deal of fire, especially for something that nobody's even seen yet.
Stuck in Craw City
Baseball’s history is thick with stories of bad luck, but no one’s unluckier than Louisiana’s minor-league Gizzards. Tobias Seamon writes in with a bit of baseball fiction.
Forever and a Day: Songs for Summertime
After a weekend of heavy research, our summer expert gives us his survey of music for surviving the heat, and your drunk friends.
The Witch of Dove Street
Amidst gutters draining the wrong way, strange happenings in nature, and loneliness, Tobias Seamon lived in a witch’s house. Better pet the cat for good luck.
Walking the Rx Red Carpet
Where do you get the scoop on the drug industry’s hot new products? Why, at the Rx spring show, that’s where! Our writer makes nice with the celebrated followers of pharmaceuticals.
How to Survive a Deathbed
It’s not SARS, and you’re sure it’s something worse. Even though they say it’s just a cold, you’ve already resigned yourself to death’s icy grip. Ways to make the wait a little more worthwhile.
The New-Old Albany
Every great city is filled with a thousand untold stories. Albany, New York, however, has none. In a bout of civic service, Tobias Seamon decides to concoct a few.
Albany, Counting the Ways
The heart of New York may be in the five boroughs, but its gear box is buried under snow in Albany. Upstater Tobias Seamon reports on the many reasons to love a seedy town of secrets, bosses, and smoke-filled rooms.
This Old Human
No country cabin is complete without a proper old man. Tobias Seamon reports from the set of “This Old Human” and gives us the scoop on how to craft the perfect curmudgeon.
Happy New Year From Sam Nougat
The bringing of a new year suggests reconciliation, a time for us to forgive our relatives any faults from last year. Or, ask them to forgive us.
Rivalry Day
Harvard-ers and Yalies may not mix well, but ask a Buckeye what he thinks of someone from Michigan, and he'll start building the effigy. A long day on the couch watching the seismic clashes of college football.
Windows to Byzantium
There are not many stories that combine the Yankees, Babies Hospital, gardens, Yeats, Hello Kitty, and death. Tobias Seamon has one, and names the names.
This Week Beyond Baseball
A dim light in the booth. A buzzing, and the microphone fizzles back on. Welcome back the ghost of Mel Allen, the departed host of “This Week in Baseball!” With Biff Loman in tow, his soul walks again to give us the rundown on who to watch in the 2002 pennant race.
The All-Bastard Athletic Club
Meet the Bastards: a collection of the meanest baseball players who ever lived.
The Cursed, the Blessed, and the Inept
There are a variety of reasons why our beloved New York/New Jersey sports teams lose: lack of ability, poor management, or long-standing hexes or curses. The lowdown on which teams are under the watchful gaze of a cloven-hooved beast.