Dirty Words
Throwing f-bombs may be offensive to some people, but it's also one of the greatest mental health regimens ever devised.
Sarah Hepola
Everything's Amazing and Nobody's Happy
Before he was America's favorite philosopher comic, he was just another comedian out on tour. And she was the journalist he wanted to meet.
A Good Angle Is Hard to Find
The spread of the selfie produces daily turmoil, from columnist doom-mongering to celebrity scandals. Meanwhile, the world just took a billion more. Defense of a misunderstood phenomenon.
A Supposedly Fun Thing I Will Probably Do Again
Yesterday morning, a plane landed at an airport. A man who was or was not a famous actor, and a writer who was or was not in love with him, stood on the verge of finally meeting. A Valentine's Day story for the romantic and/or foolish at heart.
Tiny Castles of Doom
Read between the lines of a to-do list, and you'll find an artfully constructed maze of excuses. A challenge to complete five things before the end of summer, or before you die—whichever comes first.
Nobody Says I Love You Anymore
I’ve spent my life complaining and arguing and telling stories about the city I came from. Then I changed—but it did, too.
Just My Imagination
A short list of people I’ve had a crush on since starting this column: the bagger at Whole Foods with the body of a lumberjack, dark reddish hair pulled back into a slight ponytail, one strand fallen loose and tucked behind his ear. A scruffy musician I used to
That Girl
I did not know the woman in question, though her face was plastered all around New York at the time, and my friend certainly wasn’t the only one noticing. “Who is that girl in the T-Mobile ad” turns up 199 million Google results. That was his first thought upon
The Contradiction
Not surprisingly, the crush Wikipedia page is quite robust. There is the movie with Alicia Silverstone. There is a Dave Matthews song (of course). There is a Mates of State album. Tragically, there is something called a crush film, in which live animals are stepped on. This is the opposite
The Married Man
That is well and good, but my own suggestion is that you never get a crush on a married person. It’s trouble. Leave it alone. My married crush began in an email exchange, with a man I only kind of knew. These details sound mundane, but they're
Yeah, You Know Him
And yet, I sat in the dark theater and felt a planetary pull toward him. I went all hot and melty during a scene in which he did little but stare at his love interest, a mysterious smile flickering on his lips. The movie was hypnotic, strange, but I noticed
My New Resolution
“Get the nerve,” she wrote back. Actually she wrote: “GET THE NERVE.” It was typical that I couldn’t just join a dating site—I had to manufacture a scenario in which the story depended on it. Why was I like this? I schemed my way through flaming hoops when
One of Us Is Naked Right Now
I IMed Thomas. “I have seen so much today that I can’t unsee.” “This might be good fodder for your crush column,” he said. “Crush?” I said. “I want to cry a little bit. This is the opposite of the crush feeling, which is light and happy and safe.
The Man of Action
I knew Thomas would have a plan. Thomas is a man of action, not a woman of romance and longing like me. I get a crush, and that is the end of the story. Thomas gets a crush, and he has a date on Friday night. It’s not that
In My Back Pocket, With the Maps
I had decided to go to South America in part because I didn't have a boyfriend. That sounds so lame, particularly in the face of the cooing admiration I received for my derring-do—A woman! Alone!—but it was precisely my status as a woman, alone, that inspired
Nice Ignoring You
The cute guy had come to my previous class, and placed his mat directly across from mine. He had hooded lids, a football team captain’s smile and a strong athletic build. Not my type, but still. He looked so familiar, actually, that I accidentally made meaningful eye contact while
Safely, From a Distance
“Tell us a little about yourself.” Gulp. I stared at the blinking cursor, writing phrases only to erase them. I could not shake the thought that my answers were meant to lure potential dating partners, that this was a marketing document of sorts. Pick ME! Love ME! I answered all
A Short Taxonomy of My Crushes
Except I usually don’t do any of that. I just feel the flutter in my heart, and wonder why this person, of all people, made it happen. Brown-Eyed Charmer of Indiscriminate Ethnicity I dated this guy in college who was half-Mexican, half-German. I was nuts about him, and he
The Talk Show Host
He was a small, skinny guy—dark hair, nice smile, wore those black jeans and mock turtlenecks we all put our faith in during the mid-’90s. I’m not even sure what drew me to him in the first place, except his interviews with celebrities were disarming and hilariously
The Barista
“Congratulations!” he writes back. “No, it’s the worst,” I respond. “I can’t concentrate. I’m being weird. It’s awful.” I sighed when people said his name. I had taken to needlessly applying lip gloss before I got my morning coffee and again when I stopped by for
Here Is Everything I Learned in New York City
Five years in Manhattan and Brooklyn. Several violent attacks—in other cities. A daily attempt to be the best, which is never a good idea. Nine lessons from a mini-lifetime in the Big Apple.
The Secret Journal of Levi Johnston
In just a few short weeks, vice-presidential hopeful Sarah Palin's future son-in-law has traveled from the hockey rink to the political arena. What happened in between?
It'll End in Tears
Everyone has a talent, something they do better than most anyone else. For some, that may be solving complex problems. For others, it may be performing an athletic feat. For me, it's crying.
Stuck in My Head
We've all had songs we could listen to it for days on end—and have, much to the annoyance of anyone within earshot.
What It Means to Miss New Orleans
The accuracy of Fox's new police drama K-Ville can only be known by the cops working in post-Katrina New Orleans. An interview with Police Lieutenant Bryant Wininger, who explains where the real drama still is, free of storylines and plot twists.
Video Digest: August 24, 2007
There I was the other night, lying on the couch, flipping through channels, when I came across it: the blooper show. No, seriously. They still have these things? I felt as though I’d tripped across a Betamax. Apparently people still watch these things, and I had to question who
Age of Consent
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we instruct a starry-eyed reader in the ways of bagging young Hollywood tail.
Video Digest: July 13, 2007
The other day I saw a woman wobbling down the street in high heels, texting someone as she walked. You see these people every so often in New York, weaving around like a Kennedy after a July 4th celebration, when really they’re hunting for the backspace button. So this
Video Digest: July 6, 2007
About two years ago I wrote an article for this magazine about Battle of the Network Stars. It was an attempt to defend the 70s and 80s kitsch show—as an early example of reality television and, thanks to some clever soul at VH1, what has become known as celebreality
Video Digest: June 15, 2007
My favorite breakfast as a kid was iHOP’s chocolate-chip pancakes. The kind with the whipped-cream smile? Blech. These days, I’d just as soon pour Nutella in my morning coffee. Wait, that sounds delicious. How about: I’d just as soon eat pancakes made from human blood? Argh. Well,
Video Digest: June 8, 2007
I cannot separate the songs I loved as a child from their videos. “Rio?” That’s a song about sailing the Caribbean and pouring melted pink ice cream on yourself. “Billie Jean?” Requires light-up tile floors. “Hello” is about some blind chick in Lionel Richie’s acting class (a video
Video Digest: June 1, 2007
As a kid, I loved candy cigarettes. I was obsessed with Hollywood glamour, with being an adult even as I was just learning the wobbly letters of my first name. It was a powerful feeling to slip that sweet, chalky stick between my lips and puff away. If you sucked
Video Digest: May 11, 2007
I’ve never been a big fan of House, the television show. I find it painfully contrived, annoyingly outlandish. I’m a kid who grew up on St. Elsewhere and General Hospital; if a medical drama strikes me as unrealistic, then we know things are bad. That said, I’ve
Video Digest: April 27, 2007
Rosie O’Donnell is leaving The View. Shh, shh, little bear, it’s going to be OK. I know what you’re wondering. You’re wondering: What will my day be like without a kneejerk, vaguely incoherent lesbian to organize my day? Watch this video. Why? Because it would piss
Video Digest: April 20, 2007
I spent my college years working at a daycare with four- and five-year-olds who screamed a lot, hurt themselves easily, and sometimes wet the bed. They reminded me a lot of my friends at the time. Turn on loud music, blow some atmospheric bubbles, and the only difference between my
My Apartment
Not enough square footage and too little privacy are the trademarks of New York dwelling. Learning new ways to be neighborly as the woman across the hall moans on her deathbed.
Video Digest: April 13, 2007
Each week, as I sift through online videos for this column, I kick one of my ballet slippers up onto my studio barre, bust out a few pliés, and and try to find an overarching theme to unite the week’s digest. Usually these themes come to me immediately, even
Video Digest: April 6, 2007
I used to think I would die from some relatively ordinary cause: heart attack, cancer, falling down the stairs in platform heels. It has now become clear that the icy fingers of death will be more like furry paws. Death by adorable animal video? It could happen. But which is
Video Digest: March 30, 2007
The top Google result for the term “instructional videos” is this site. It contains such classics as “Good Dog Massage” and “Sharpening Simplified.” Somebody needs more Bob Ross in their lives. I was Googling instructional videos because, let’s face it: They’re funny, and I’m bored. These may
Video Digest: March 23, 2007
If you haven’t seen the video clips of Lily Tomlin and David O. Russell having respective meltdowns on the set of I Heart Huckabees, you owe it to yourself to watch. Consider it your spa day, your mental health vacation, except instead of soothing it’s traumatic and shriekish,
Video Digest: March 16, 2007
What I’m about to show you may scare you. What I’m about to show you may hurt you in a place that strangers shouldn’t touch. Are you sitting down? Do you have supportive friends nearby? Are you at least drinking a diet soda? Don’t say you
SXSW 2007: The Very First Review
The South by Southwest Music Festival is a never-ending stream of bands, booze, and laminates that barrels through Austin, Texas, each spring. Just because you're not going doesn't mean you can't review it.
Video Digest: March 9, 2007
When I lived in Austin, one of the best storefronts was a place on South Congress Avenue called Just Guns. How Texan is that? It not only explains what’s for sale, but does so with an ounce of humility. Or is that authority? “Aww, it’s just guns.” vs.
Video Digest: March 2, 2007
Last week, Video Digest brought you classic regional commercials of the ‘70s and ‘80s. It was a smorgasbord of egg-laying eagles, rapping spokespeople, and beautiful Mount Airy Lodge. A few of you sent in gems from your own traumatized childhood, and I’d love to see more. Please send any
Video Digest: February 23, 2007
No matter where you grew up, if you watched television, there was always that one commercial: the commercial that annoyed you so profoundly that at some crucial juncture, annoyance swerved into fascination—perhaps for some tic, some incongruity, or for the very fact of the commercial’s existence. Somebody—somewhere—
Video Digest: February 16, 2007
Last year, I predicted that American Idol had peaked. I did this over a plate of cheese enchiladas, laying out the reasons why the phenomenon had undoubtedly run out of steam, including but not limited to: Abdul’s obvious drug abuse, the inclusion of “rockers,” and the cultural triumph of
Video Digest: February 9, 2007
What better way to start out our Valentine’s Video Digest than with an ode to the old ticker itself. Spanish-language comic singers Hard ‘N’ Phirm offer up an anatomically correct power ballad that can teach all of us a thing or two about the ground zero of relationship angst.
Video Digest: February 2, 2007
My favorite piñata story—yes, I have one; you don’t?—involves a particularly murderous season on Days of Our Lives. It was Thanksgiving in Salem, and there was a Thanksgiving piñata—because along with turkey and stuffing, the traditional piñata is one of the most heartwarming American traditions. So
Run for the Hills
The world MTV depicts is anything but real. But we don't watch to escape, we watch because we can't look away.
Video Digest: January 26, 2007
I love that there was a moment in time when we all watched The Golden Girls. Four single senior citizens, living and loving in Miami: I’m in! Obviously one of the coolest of the GGs—if not the coolest—was sparkplug Estelle Getty, who made a workout video to
Video Digest: January 19, 2007
If you just don’t get Napolean Dynamite, there’s nothing much for you to see in “Peluca,” the eight-minute short that inspired the movie. It has the same oddball tempo as it follows Seth (played by Jon Heder) on an afternoon’s quest for a fanny pack. Made for
Video Digest: January 12, 2007
In the summer of 1979, my older brother and I, along with my three cousins, decided to remake Star Wars on our family’s Super 8. Actually, they decided and I tagged along, because at five years old, I apparently had nothing better to do than to absorb petty insults
The Day After the Morning After
Our story thus far: editor Drew Barrymore, who has been in an on-again, off-again relationship with reporter Vince Vaughn, is friends with copy editor Keira Knightley (who is smitten with sportswriter Matthew McConaughey)--that is, until a night of tequila shots.
Video Digest: January 5, 2007
Like many people with a soft spot for NPR, I learned about The Beaver Trilogy through a 2002 piece on This American Life, in an episode called “Reruns.” Produced by Starlee Kine, it’s a Russian nesting doll of a story: a television cameraman films a documentary about a kid
Video Digest: December 22, 2006
Best Videos of the Year There was a stretch this summer when I watched OK Go’s “Here It Goes Again” every morning. It was like my personal inspirational video, Tony Robbins with treadmills and Prada pants. A few weeks later, it changed to “Little Superstar,” and even now, hearing
Video Digest: December 15, 2006
“Us nerds are the oppressed and downtrodden,” raps one MC in following trailer for Nerdcore for Life. But these days, it’s kind of hard to feel bad for nerds. They’re everywhere. Nerds have traded in the swirlies for the spotlight and, most likely, a sweet new Wii. Nerd
Video Digest: December 8, 2006
As if VH1 weren’t bad enough, YouTube has turned us into nostalgia-grubbing monsters, willing to sink hours tracking down some vaguely remembered scrap of childhood fun. And I, for one, love it. What’s funny is that I enjoy things now that I couldn’t have cared less about
The Lost Weeknight
Dismayed at the idea of collaborating with Vince, Drew needs cheering up. McConaughey orders the shots. A new episode in our fanfic series.
Video Digest: December 1, 2006
Every parent thinks their kids are the best, the cutest, the brightest. So when you click on a link called “Best Baby Breakdancer in the World,” you think—feh, no way. There’s gotta be a million babies breakdancing out there, undiscovered, crying in the shadows for a crumb of
Video Digest: November 17, 2006
The clip of the week—and maybe the year—was this corporate Bank of America serenade using U2’s “One” as a blueprint on which to rhyme fierce couplets about specialty themed checks and core values. The compelling question, aside from which site could host the video longer than a
Stakeout
Vince and Drew's romance fizzles when he begins stalking her neighbor. And back at CM HQ it's reflecting poorly on his work, while everybody else is busy filming segments for their new website.
Video Digest: November 10, 2006
In eighth grade, at one of those slumber parties where you try to make each other levitate but only make a gallon of ice cream disappear, someone asked who was the best-looking guy I’d ever seen. I had an answer and, to everyone’s surprise, it wasn’t Johnny
Video Digest: November 3, 2006
For one long and most likely lonely semester, a good friend of mine became addicted to The Price Is Right. He videotaped episodes, and sometimes skipped law class to catch the Showcase Showdown. Our phone calls were known to swerve off into dissections of certain contests—Plinko, the Mountain Climber—
Video Digest, October 27, 2006
On Wednesday night, I went to the Les Freres Corbusier production of Hell House, the right-wing horror show so memorably depicted in George Ratliff’s 2000 documentary of the same name. Each witching season, evangelical churches across the country set up an elaborate hell house, a cautionary walk through the
Bring Me the Head of Mickey Rooney
Staff changes are announced at the world's most famous magazine, and Drew is handed the axe and told to swing it.
Video Digest: October 20, 2006
Tuesday at 4 a.m., a clatter awakes me from sleep. In the dark of my living room, I find my cat batting around a small lump—a scrunchie, perhaps, or one of those glitter balls I bought at the pet store. I pick up the lump, which is when
Welcome to Celebrity Magazine
In a world where everyone is famous, who's going to do the reporting? Working at a glossy is never easy--especially not with this cast. The first installment in a new series.
Video Digest: October 13, 2006
So let’s talk, briefly, of the new television season. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip: Have you ever seen comedians be so serious? Typical Sorkin—the show sure can rock a crane shot—but you’d think these people were drafting the Constitution, not peddling fart jokes. 30 Rock
Video Digest: October 6, 2006
The Departed is the kind of double-crossing, wiseguy mini-epic for which I will gladly fork over my $15. Plots twisting into gun barrels, brains and blood splashed across the lens—well, it’s enough to turn a girl off murder forever. But not even criminals do this stuff better than
Video Digest: September 29, 2006
In my freshman year of college, I was walking past a bar so intentionally dingy its name was Hole in the Wall. A guy stumbled out, grabbed my shoulders, and slurred, “Stewart Copeland is in there!” I had never met a celebrity before, and though I’m not sure any
Video Digest: September 22, 2006
In college, I fancied myself a movie expert because I owned the Godfather box set and could quote Showgirls. I’d been raised on Entertainment Tonight and HBO reruns, and I didn’t know underground film any better than I knew dressing in big flannel shirts and torn jeans made
Video Digest: September 15, 2006
As a kid growing up in Texas, I didn’t follow politics or look up to elected officials. I was too busy worshiping Rob Lowe and practicing crotch thrusts for my future as a Solid Gold dancer. That indifference changed when I got to college. For one, Solid Gold was
Video Digest: September 8, 2006
My favorite documentary—one of my favorite movies, actually—is the British Seven Up! series. Started in 1964, the project interviews a group of English schoolchildren every seven years as they grow into adults, have children, lose their parents, and face their own mortality. YouTube loves this kind of time-lapse
Video Digest: September 1, 2006
My new obsession is VideoJug, a compendium of how-to videos on everything from “How to Cook a Chicken Curry in 10 Minutes” to “How to Tie a Bowtie”. Each installment is narrated by some British person in a manner so soothing and convincing they could coax me through my first
Video Digest: August 25, 2006
I’ve always wondered why there weren’t more modern film versions of Macbeth. Hamlet’s been made three times in the past 15 years. What’s wrong, Kenneth Branagh, afraid of a little Scottish play? The last Macbeth on screen was the 1971 version directed by Roman Polanski and
Video Digest: August 18, 2006
Not long ago, a 79-year-old British widower calling himself “geriatric1927” began vlogging on YouTube. Since then, he has made national news, become one of the most watched personalities on YouTube, and prompted thousands of teens to weepily call their grandpappy. By now, geriatric1927 has made over a dozen vlogs, which
Video Digest: August 10, 2006
There is a stock sound effect that originated in the ’50s, known as the “Wilhelm scream.” Championed by Star Wars sound engineer Ben Burtt, the cry—perhaps best transcribed as “aaaeehhh”—made its way into several of Burtt’s projects, including the Star Wars trilogy, Raiders of the Lost Ark,
Video Digest: August 4, 2006
This week I went through the five stages of Mel Gibson: fascination, followed by disgust, horror, pity, and, at some point I suppose, hunger. By Tuesday, I was already sick of all the noise: Who really cares? And who ordered all this delivery sushi? But I did appreciate this Daily
Video Digest: July 21, 2006
As a college student, I was prone to storing empty beer cans wherever they landed and passing out while eating frozen corny dogs. I consider myself a reformed slob now—I make my bed every morning, and I haven’t fallen asleep with a frozen corny dog in weeks. But
Video Digest: July 14, 2006
Two decades before Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest had the biggest opening weekend in history, Johnny Depp was just another rock-star wannabe roped into a shitty FOX contract. Back in those days, Depp complained an awful lot about playing Tom Hanson, the dreamy undercover cop on 21
Video Digest: July 7, 2006
When Strangers With Candy premiered on Comedy Central, I felt like it was an inside joke I didn’t completely understand. And apparently, that’s true. As FourFour: The Revenge explains this week, Amy Sedaris’s character Jerri Blank is based on eccentric motivational speaker Florrie Fisher, reformed hooker and
Video Digest: June 30, 2006
I have a few minor phobias: I dislike flying; I get queasy on rollercoasters; I try to avoid possums, especially the ones who will lure me on an airplane or a ride at Six Flags. But apparently some people have crippling phobias, and obviously, there’s only one way to
Video Digest: June 23, 2006
The most soul-crushing E! True Hollywood Story I ever saw was about the actor Hervé Villechaize. This was dark stuff even by tabloid standards: drinking turpentine, stabbing his own self-portrait, smashing guns into his assistant’s face. As a child, I adored Fantasy Island, but by the time this show
Video Digest: June 16, 2006
Before I started assembling these video digests, I had no idea how many pets could talk, chug Fanta from a bottle, or pledge their love to Montel Williams. My own cat, who has mastered little more than shedding, seems like such a dilettante in comparison. * * * One talent the cat does
Video Digest: June 9, 2006
On Tuesday, I saw The Omen, which I’m ready to declare the comedy of the summer. I didn’t see it because I thought it would be good—a friend greeted me at the theater by enthusiastically asking, “Are you ready to be disappointed?”—but rather, out of some
Video Digest: June 2, 2006
Last week’s American Idol finale has left a lot of TiVos with nothing to do. Fox has responded with a second season of So You Think You Can Dance, produced by AI’s Simon Fuller, a near-mimicry of the Idol formula. In case you’ve missed it, here’s
Video Digest: May 26, 2006
This week, an early film from Tim Burton called Vincent has been making the rounds. A charmingly dark animated short from 1982 about a little suburban boy who just wants to be Vincent Price, it’s probably the closest thing to memoir Burton can muster. It’s also narrated by
Video Digest: May 19, 2006
I grew up in the ‘80s without MTV, which felt a bit like growing up without oxygen. I compiled my own music video collection by taping a network show called Friday Night Videos, but my library was nothing compared to Milinkito’s ginormous compendium of ‘80s videos, including such little-seen
Video Digest: May 1, 2006
I’m lost when it comes to Lost. I don’t know who’s on the island, what’s in the jungle, or why Michelle Rodriguez keeps getting busted for DUIs. I’m sure it’s a good show, but it demands so much… attention. Most of the time, I
Video Digest: April 24, 2006
Last year, director Paul Weitz found himself torn between two dramas: the Iraq war and American Idol. It’s a disconnect familiar to many of us with a conscience and a television set—thousands of soldiers have died, but holy crap, Mandisa should not have been voted off!—and it
Video Digest: April 13, 2006
Teenagers are all talk. That’s why the best high school movies are so quotable—The Breakfast Club, Heathers, Clueless, Donnie Darko. Though Brick isn’t as good as those films, it is chock-a-block with one-liners, all delivered with the calculated clip of an old Bogart movie. Words like “shamus”
Video Digest: April 4, 2006
The View has always been fascinating for the wrong reasons: the egregious lack of insight among its female hosts; the infomercial leading up to Star Jones’s wedding; Jones’s stunning weight loss, which somehow left her looking just as dysmorphic as she did at 300 pounds. I skipped most
My SXSW Diary
South by Southwest is really about the music, so forget about all the parties and cab rides and breakfast tacos. That's exactly what our correspondent told us when she handed in her expense report. Here's what (she said) happened between the bars.
Video Digest: March 23, 2006
Smoking ain’t the popular kid it used to be. Even rebellious kids are shunning cancer sticks these days, no matter how many Parliaments Lindsay Lohan sucks down while table-dancing. Two weeks ago, a report from the association of state attorneys general reported smoking is at its lowest rate in
Video Digest: March 14, 2006
Big Love, a new HBO drama about polygamists in Utah, arrives at the right cultural moment. The topic of gay marriage has kept the American family—and what defines it—firmly on people’s agenda; the rise in open marriage, as reported by a thousand trend stories, has offered yet
Big in Finland
Conan O'Brien's recent comedy bits about Finland earned him that country's adulation; his trip there for a one-hour special--airing tonight--sealed the deal. What the unlikely matchup means for one writer's family.
Video Digest: March 2, 2006
In the spring of my eighth year, I prayed for only three things: popularity, an EZ Bake Oven, and permission to stay up late enough to watch the end of the Academy Awards. If there is a God, he wasn’t listening. That Oscar night, I was tucked in before
Sauza Tres Generaciones
There was a time when I considered tequila a mere prop for frat parties and killer hangovers. Then, last Christmas, I visited Mexico City, where I was schooled in the way of the premium blue agave. Rule no. 1: Sip it, don't shoot it. Rule no. 2: Drink
If I Can Make It There
You've got clean streets, reasonable rent, and plenty of elbow room. So why, oh why, are you moving to New York? Eight million stories, plus one.
Taco Chulo
For a city that prides itself on having every cuisine, New York sure does fail at Tex-Mex. Every Lone Star transplant has the same question: How can I find the comfort food of home? Come to Williamsburg, my friend. Taco Chulo sells one of the cuisine's great delicacies--queso.
Is He Cute or Is He British?
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a forlorn reader determine if her new guy actually looks as good as he talks.
Semester's End
It's Elisabeth Eckleman's first year of college, and she has a lot of tough choices to make. In this installment, Elisabeth is hit with some unexpected news, and she's faced with her most important decision yet.
Strait-Line Chalk Line Reel
Lately, I've been painting my apartment. When I paint a room, I don't just paint a room. I usually add stripes, diagonals, half-tone walls. Why? Because I deserve punishment. Fortunately, there's a nifty tool for creating super-straight lines: the Irwin chalk line reel with
Give Me a (Thanksgiving) Break
It's Elisabeth Eckleman's first year of college, and she has a lot of tough choices to make. In this installment, Elisabeth travels home for a visit and returns to a roommate whose behavior is becoming more and more difficult to live with. You decide what happens next.
November Rain
It's Elisabeth Eckleman's first year of college, and she has a lot of tough choices to make. In this installment, Elisabeth lies to protect Raj, then tries to determine who told the professor about their extracurricular activities in the first place. You decide what happens next.
Fage Yogurt
For years, I have eaten yogurt every morning--Dannon's Fruit on the Bottom, Yoplait's Original strawberry. All I can say is: Never again. Recently, I tried Fage Total Greek yogurt, and I'm hooked. It's like the gold standard of dairy--tangy, tart, creamy, smooth.
Reality Check
When a critic slams Bravo's new take on Battle of the Network Stars, our writer remembers what made the first one worth a do-over. As it turns out, while the show could be remade, it could hardly be revived.
McDonald's Diet Coke
McDonald's sucks, right? It makes you fat. The burgers are mediocre. It turns good American teens into pimply trolls who know nothing but the Fryolator. Fine. I'll give you all that. But give me this: McDonald's sells the best-tasting Diet Coke ever. Cold, just
Annie Lennox at Live 8
I've never been much of an Annie Lennox fan. I just wasn't old enough, or gay enough, to really dig the whole diva thing. Which is why her performance at Live 8 was so startling to me. Just listen to that voice--deep, bruised, ravishing. Her naked,
Haunted Halloween
It's Elisabeth Eckleman's first year of college, and she has a lot of tough choices to make. In this installment, Elisabeth takes her T.A., Raj, to a costume party, where he refuses to dance. You decide what happens next.
Lies, All Lies
It's Elisabeth Eckleman's first year of college, and she has a lot of tough choices to make. In this installment, Elisabeth keeps a secret while trying to survive a weekend of everyone else's parents. You decide what happens next.
Back to School
It's Elisabeth Eckleman's first year of college, and she has a lot of tough choices to make. In this installment, Elisabeth heads back to school with fresh eyes and provides a shoulder for Kat—a friend in need, indeed.
Home, Alone
It's Elisabeth Eckleman's first year of college, and she has a lot of tough choices to make. In this installment, Elisabeth goes home to see her mom—without Brad—and then meets an old friend with an attractive offer.
Date Unknown
Elisabeth Eckleman just left home, and has a lot of difficult decisions ahead of her. In this installment, Elisabeth questions how she feels about Chad, but then the unthinkable happens. You decide what happens next.
Mother, Jugs, and Lone Star Beer
Elisabeth Eckleman just left home, and has a lot of difficult decisions ahead of her. In this installment, Elisabeth tries to figure out why her mom calls six times a day. You decide what happens next.
Screw the R.A. (Wait, You Already Did)
Elisabeth Eckleman just left home, and has a lot of difficult decisions ahead of her. In this installment, Elisabeth tells Kat about what’s been going on with Geoff. You decide what happens next.
Bright Eyes, Big City
Elisabeth Eckleman just left home, and has a lot of difficult decisions ahead of her. In this installment, Elisabeth goes to the Bright Eyes concert with her R.A. and continues to avoid her T.A. You decide what happens next.
An Escape With Geoff
Elisabeth Eckleman just left home, and has a lot of difficult decisions ahead of her. In this installment, Elisabeth makes time for friends, but not for studying, and gets the grades to prove it. You decide what happens next.
Flirting With Disaster
Elisabeth Eckleman just left home, and has a lot of difficult decisions ahead of her. In this installment, Elisabeth decides that when her date becomes a ho, she will too. You decide what happens next.
Pimps & Ho's
Elisabeth Eckleman just left home, and has a lot of difficult decisions ahead of her. In this installment, Elisabeth goes to a sorority party and isn't sure what to do once the theme takes over. You decide what happens next.
Class Begins
Elisabeth Eckleman just left home, and has a lot of difficult decisions ahead of her. In this installment, Elisabeth makes a new friend and isn't sure if she should bring her boyfriend material to a party. You decide what happens next.
Party With Kat
Elisabeth Eckleman just left home, and has a lot of difficult decisions ahead of her. In this installment, Elisabeth goes to a party with her roommate and meets a new somebody. You decide what happens next.
Freshman Year
Elisabeth Eckleman just left home, and has a lot of difficult decisions ahead of her. In this installment, Elisabeth loses her high-school boyfriend and drives to college with her parents. You decide what happens next.
Since She Died
When a friend dies, your memories can absorb your every waking moment. And also your dreams. SARAH HEPOLA lives through the pain, the joy of remembrance, and the responsibility of both. Here is her story of love and loss.
Doing the Date
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we come to the aid of a confused, heartbroken Romeo with a story of her someone else's troubles in dating.
Bright Nights, Big Mountains
The Sundance Film Festival may have a hard time maintaining its indie credibility, but as a magnet for celebrities there is little doubt about its powers. After a few days of film in Park City,our writer looks back.
This Year, It's Gonna Be Different
Perhaps the only joy in making new year's resolutions is the variety of ice cream flavors it takes to break them.
Free Red Wine and Other Humiliations
Your parents and friends enjoy Christmas for similar reasons: your personal embarrassment, shame, and discomfort, assuming you’ve behaved badly enough to warrant their bowls full of jelly.
Thriller
The allegations have set a fire in the media and a guilty verdict in the public’s mind. But the reason anyone cares at all in the first place is the music. Writer and once-Michael SARAH HEPOLA recalls what his landmark album means to her.
The Love That We Came to Know
Love! Romance! Roller skates! Xanadu actor Michael Beck comes to town, and SARAH HEPOLA reflects on what the movie meant to an entire generation of little girls (and boys) who wanted to be Olivia Newton-John.
Malcolm Gladwell
Author of The Tipping Point and a connoisseur of RonCo products, Malcolm Gladwell talks about his writing habits, the war effort, and the glory of being confused for Tommy Lee.
Certifiable
Sure, teaching isn’t for everyone. Finding that out may be difficult, but the awful truth that drives many out of the classroom, screaming, is even harder to lern learn. Our writer was a teacher.
The Key to a Successful Freelance Career: A Diary
As more people work at home and telecommute, you can bet that the The View is expanding its influence.
Here She Is…Miss American Idol
Justin! Kelly! Justin!! Kelly!!!! A throng of adoring fans in Burleson, Texas, welcomes Kelly Clarkson and co-star at her hometown stop on their movie tour. Our writer witnesses the mayhem.
To Tell You the Truth
As the journalism world feeds on its own frenzy, SARAH HEPOLA confronts an intimate past with exposed Times fabricator Jayson Blair, and her own history of exaggeration.
My Father Speaks Another Language
It's been said that parents just don't understand. But what about when it's the other way around?
A Good Day To Be Alive
A conversation about life as a wino, the effects of war, heroin, Shiner, marriage and pornography, horseplay and jail, and the amount of muscles it takes to frown, between William and Sarah Hepola.
How I Spent My Summer Vacation
There's a lot of land in the U.S., and it's covered with roads. Our writer takes a cross-country tour with one hand on the wheel and the other on the camera.
Starfucker
Meeting and interviewing (and yes, dating) the stars proves tiresome for even the most well-seasoned of celebrity-worshippers. The life of lies and junkets, however, makes for the best party conversation.
A Game of Skill, Strategy, Chance
Since dating is already a game, it may be unwise to found a relationship on a shared passion for Sorry. Our writer ignores the meta-implications and tries to play by the rules.
To the Teen Beat of His Own Drummer
Maybe you only know him as "the other one" from Weird Science, but Ilan Mitchell-Smith is a former actor turned real human being (and Ph.D. candidate, no less).
It's Not Easy Being Green
Sometimes the best person for the job actually gets it. With a good friend running for political office in Maine, our writer hits the campaign trail.
Where Are You Now?
Possible humiliation, almost-certain ridicule, and excused overindulgence: Never one to flee from a challenge, our writer goes to her high-school reunion.
From Here to There
Stalking may not be in right now, but don't let that deter you. Spend a day following people around New York.
A Few of a Million Postcards
You're traveling and your laptop's at home; how the hell do you share how much fun you're having? Our writer lays out a few simple postcard templates for the rest of us to follow.