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Articles Written By Ralph Gamelli

Ralph Gamelli has been published in The Big Jewel, McSweeney’s, Monkeybicycle, and Yankee Pot Roast. This is the part where he’s supposed to put down some little joke, but as always he refuses to bow to societal expectations.

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Spoofs & Satire

From the Files of the Dream Police
by Ralph Gamelli
They’re waiting for you. They’re looking for you. Every single night they’re on duty, ready to drive you insane. Stories from the blotter of the men inside your brain.
Spoofs & Satire

Being Eddie Is Fun and Other Facts
by Ralph Gamelli
The internet is flooded with lists of “fun facts,” but none of them are about fun itself.
Spoofs & Satire

America’s Most Frozen
by Ralph Gamelli
Rapists, murderers, human traffickers—this winter, sedentary criminals are rife in the nation’s parks. Photos of the 11 worst suspects.
Spoofs & Satire

I Blew the Call
by Ralph Gamelli
Whether ruining a perfect game or mistaking your mother-in-law for a man, you can’t be expected to get every call right.
Spoofs & Satire

Go Climb a Tree
by Ralph Gamelli
When all you want is get away from it all, just grab a branch, hoist yourself up, and leave your troubles below.
Spoofs & Satire

Pushing Your Buttons
by Ralph Gamelli
Introducing iBox 2G, the fastest, most powerful way to satisfy your greed and simultaneously kill a complete stranger.
Spoofs & Satire

Don’t Be a Statistic
by Ralph Gamelli
While H1N1 dominates the headlines, other equally worrisome conditions get lost in the panic. Tips to survive spontaneous human combustion.
Spoofs & Satire

Read My Body Language
by Ralph Gamelli
When you fold your arms or cross your legs, you unconsciously send a message that reveals your true thoughts. How to read my physical cues.
Spoofs & Satire

How I Survived the Various Apocalypses
by Ralph Gamelli
From zombies to aliens to zombie-aliens, the times that, with civilization at its very brink, against all odds—you know the drill.
Spoofs & Satire

A World Without Me
by Ralph Gamelli
Assume all human life within an apartment suddenly and inexplicably vanishes, said human life consisting entirely of me. What happens next?
Spoofs & Satire

Three Simple Ways to Abandon Your Family
by Ralph Gamelli
When enough is enough, when federal investigators are on your trail, or you’ve decided to marry that cocktail waitress after all—it’s time to leave.
Spoofs & Satire

We’re Looking Out for You
by Ralph Gamelli
With slo-mo commercials warning against fender benders, does your insurance company truly have your well-being in mind?