Articles Written By Jeffrey Essmann
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Personal Essays
Hard Up
When you’re feeling perky as a teenager but the doctor says your prostate is basically a Chinchorro mummy, a little erectile dysfunction can be suffered on the path to wellness. Oh, but the sex drive…
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Fathers & Sons
Photo Finish
Running into your father on the internet can be a startling event when it’s unexpected. Particularly when your father is dead.
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Animal Husbandry
Nipples at the State Fair
The state fair puts on display the usual cornucopia of wonders both natural and synthetic, all ready for your sampling. A young man gets in touch with his appetite.
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Men Are From Mars, Pugs Are From Chelsea
Drawn to Dogs
Pet people and non-pet people are different breeds for whom inter-species communication can be impossible. Then along comes the ugliest dog in the world. A study of one heart’s redoing.
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Personal Essays
Work Is a Four-Letter Word
After 15 months of unemployment, our writer lands a job—complete with benefits, direct deposit, and a modern workspace design. Time to shop for dumpy sweaters.
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Personal Essays
My Name on My Milk
After belt-tightening forces relocation to a boarding house in Yonkers, our writer learns the ropes of his new situation, where hallways lead to the most unexpected places.
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New York, New York
Going Postal
This summer, record highs turned the city into a pressure cooker—and its inhabitants didn’t suffer it mildly. Braving the brimstone to mail a package.
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Personal Essays
Justice With a Tagline
When your publisher won’t pay you for translating a popular German guide to anal sex, don’t take the law into your own hands—take ‘em to court. But which one?